Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I am told that over half of women with severe obesity problems had a traumatic event in their childhood that may have had some causal impact on the weight gain of later life. I did have traumatic events in my life, a strained and complex relationship with each of my parents, and a stressful and complicated young adult life. My lifes events combined in a way with bad eating habits and an addictive personality that led to my severe obesity. Getting fat gave me something I needed and wanted, I think. I will explain more thoroughly after this short biography.
The youngest of three children, I was a skinny kid. My parents divorced when I was 10. Prior to that horrific year, the home was often strained and stressful, especially at mealtime. While my eating habits did not cause the divorce, as a little girl it seemed as if I was at least partially to blame. I was always in trouble for picking at my food and not eating what was provided. I only wanted cereal. My eating habits were frequently the cause of arguments between my parents. Dad believed in forcing me to eat, mom didnt. I remember more than one instance of sitting at a table throughout a day because I refused to eat eggs or green beans, or mashed potatoes, or most other foods that were offered. I was very stubborn and so was my Dad. When I look back at it now from the vantage point of a seasoned parent and grandparent, I realize that I liked the power that my refusal to eat gave me over a parental relationship that often made me feel powerless. Inevitably, my mother would end up saving me, though secretly. I remember one occasion when Dad sent me off to bed after sitting at the table all day facing fried eggs, a food that I still refuse to eat. Mom slipped into the bedroom with a bowl of cereal and a slice of burnt toast after Dad fell asleep.. we shared a little triumph. Over time I became aware that the dinner table was the stage where other tensions were evident in the family, and it wasnt only about my eating habits. Dad would have bad moods, and was often yelling at my brother about homework, or at mom about any number of things. I couldnt eat then, not even cereal. My stomach would tie up and I would feel frightened.
When I was 8, I had frequent stomach aches and would wake up crying with a tight stomachbaking soda and water helped. Mom took me to the doctors and she was told that I was underweight, possibly had ulcers or a nervous stomach and she should let me eat in the kitchen by myself in order to evade the stress of the family meal time. For awhile I was free. Mom would let me eat anything I wanted sitting at the breadboard in the kitchen. It was wonderful. I learned to eat broccoli (overcooked and loaded with butter) and I ate liver and cereal and I thought I would never, ever be forced to eat eggs or overcooked canned green beans again! It didnt last too long, gradually I was back at the dinner table and soon the stress and stomach aches were back, but that brief time when mom listened to the doctor was nice.
I craved burnt, buttered toast and fried calves liver. In those days liver was thought to be healthy so mom would occasionally let me eat all I wanted of it . Especially on evenings when my dad was either working late or she wanted to make him miserable by giving him food HE hated for a change, I was given free rein to have what I wanted. When liver was on the menu and Dad was home I enjoyed watching him force down liver, while I ate a whole pound of it!
Unlike my mother, I have never ( at least not since I was 14 right after my daughter was born) been on a rapid weight loss, low calorie or weird diet. When I have tried to lose weight, it has always been in an approved, reasonable, effort to have a slow sustained loss. I believed if I did that I would be able to keep it off.never worked that waybut I still know that that is the appropriate way to do it.
I matured and became sexually active at a very young age. Men liked my mother and liked to look at her. She was very beautiful. She married my dad when she was 15 so when they divorced 19 years later she reverted to the behavior of an adolescent and became a little wild and man-crazy. I was entering puberty at the time and was very effected by my moms behavior. Pretty powerful stuff for a 10 13 year old girl.
I lost my virginity at 12 years old to a man that was 23. He was the first of many men, none within a decade of my age. It wasnt called child abuse then, I was called a slut. A term that was confirmed when I became pregnant at 13 by a neighbor ten years older than me. I had lied about my age so it wasnt his fault, or so I was told and believed. He stuck around though never touching me again, paying for most of the bills, until I asked him to leave when I married. I married when my daughter was 1 years old and I was 15 to a man that I had known for seven days. Chris was 26 years old.
I have seen the pictures of me at that age. I was beautiful, long black hair, looking older than I was, but still very young. I was not fat, or even a little chubby. I did some photographic modeling, cheesecake it was called. No nudes.
My new, handsome husband was not a very nice man I soon learned. While I was passionate about him, he was an almost pathological liar, domineering, philandering, and a fraud. He never physically harmed me, but he often berated me, for my looks, my lack of education, everything. He went out with other women and would disappear for 1-3 days without telling me where he was. We moved away from my family (which was probably a very good thing) and came to Portland. Shortly after my second daughter was born, Chris deserted us. He went to work and I never saw him again. I filed for divorce on the grounds of desertion, went on welfare and also went to college, I was 19. There were five years of poverty, but I loved school, was very good at it and worked very hard. After a few rough years, life started becoming pretty good.
In 1976 I graduated from college, married my current husband, and started a very good job with the city. My daughters were 11 and 6 years of age. Shortly I remarried, I was unfaithful. After my husband learned about it, we started marriage counseling. After extensive marriage and individual counseling we were able to resume our lives. While Steve has never forgotten, and the topic comes up repeatedly, he has forgiven me.
Whether coincidentally or not I am uncertain, but its about the same time that I started becoming a more faithful wife that I started gaining weight. I am a happily married woman, except for the absence of any sexuality between my husband and me. While some of that is attributable to his multiple sclerosis, most of it is because of my weight. That hurts both of us deeply.
My mother seldom cooked and believed the stove top was an extra storage space, so I learned to cook at a young age. As an adult I became a gourmand, enjoying all foods, learning how to prepare them, talk about themI watch cooking shows all the time. Cooking and the enjoyment of food has become part of my identity. At one point I considered becoming a chef. I like the approval I get from my husband for my culinary skill. However, while that is a factor, I think the source of my weight gain is more attributable to several psychological factors. I will briefly list them.
 Always being told to eat for approval as a child
 A fear of being like my motherwhom I believed to be an anorexic
 A retreat from being attractive and available to men as a sexual being (another aspect of not wanting to be like my very svelte and sexually alluring and promiscuous mother
 I have always liked the attention I receive for being an excellent cook
 A desire to be considered substantial and not trivialas attractive women are often viewed by men
 A fear of screwing up my marriage with extramarital relationships. My fat became a protection against the advances from men that I was not very good at handling.
 A sense of power and control over my environment. This one is also a trap, because now I feel powerless by the weight, not empowered by it.
 A sense of comfort with being a safe and non-sexual grandma (I have 4 grandchildren)
I am a fifty-year old grandmother, a successful city manager; everyone takes me seriously. I am respected. Even if I lose all my excess weight I wont ever have to deal with the sexual garbage again.
It (lifes traumas) all seems so far away. I am not saying that I am unaffected by the old demons; I suspect they will resurface when I lose this weight. However, I am ready and able to face them should they resurface. I have been through counseling years ago, and have since seriously re-evaluated my earlier decisions. I no longer need this weight to protect myself or for any other reason. I have the self-confidence, maturity, and the competence to meet and conquer the demons that have contributed to the person that I am, but I need help and support to change the habits and lifestyle that I am currently enduring.
Weight Loss History
1. 1970 123 pounds.
Had my daughter by C section. Weighed 123 the day I came home from the hospital
2. 1971 1978 125 135 pounds, no diets, weight was not an issue
3. 1979-80 151pounds lost 23 pounds, regained 42
I had recently quit smoking and had put on a few pounds. Lost weight and improved fitness with jogging & Weight Watchers. Did fine through spring and summer. Developed pneumonia in late fall and stopped exercise.weight came back on within weeks.
4. 1983-84 170 lost 40 pounds regained 95
Weight Watchers & Lots of exercise. Was working at a community center and decided that with food control and exercise I would do it and keep it off. I started teaching aerobics, walked daily 2-4 miles, did water aerobics and weight conditioning 3 x a week. Sustained the weight loss for less than six weeks. Weighed 150, still teaching aerobics when I started having breathing problems and back problems. Started gaining more weight when I started working in a more sedentary job, long hours and high stress and stopped my exercise program. Was classified as mildly obese in my regular medical check-up that year.
5. 1986 200 lbs.
6. 1989 225lbs., Lost 50 pounds regained 75 WW + jogging
5. 1990to 255 lbs, lost 80(35 weeks); weighed 175 gained 135
1991 Covert Bailey fitness program which included 1-2 hours of exercise 7 days a week and a high fiber, low fat diet. I really thought I was succeeding in permanently changing my lifestyle. However, I was given temporary custody of my newborn grandson when my daughter was shipped to the Persian Gulf (Air Force temporary duty assignment)and my husband became ill with complications from his multiple sclerosis. The late nights, early morning feedings and stress fatigued me so much that I allowed myself to stop my morning exercise routine. I gained 100 pounds in less than a year.
7. 1996-98 Several medical office visits, 286-320 pounds started experiencing breathing problems, several doctor visits for bronchitis, esophogal reflux
8. 2/1999-6/99 325 lbs. lost 60 (27 weeks), gained back 65.
Again used WWs but this time they had a new version, very similar to Covert Baileys. It was a very lowfat, high fiber (more than 30 a day) program. I did not incorporate exercise, my physical ability was so limited due to planters fascitis, joint pain and breathing problems, that I did not feel I could effectively exercise until I lost significant weight. I had been experiencing breathing problems, chronic bronchitis (more than 3 episodes in less than a year) and reactive airway disease (documented in medical records) inspired me to make the changes, but depression (now treated with Prozac) and pain (hips, knees and feet) made it difficult to sustain exercise. Swimming was not a feasible option. I started faltering in the weight loss program before I felt well enough to start incorporating exercise. I insisted throughout this effort that this time it was for keeps and that I would only make the dietary changes if I was prepared to sustain them for life. However, the weight came back quickly.
6. 2001 Highest weight 332.5
weigh in at surgeons 7/10/01; 320
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
Hurting whenever I move, not being able to clean myself well after going to the bathroom, the loss of sex and affection from my husband...I cant choose between those
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
Walking, bicycling, weight conditioning, swimming, playing with my grandkids....living my life.
lanad
