Mary,I wish my sympathy could dry one tear, stop one day of loneliness, give your sons one more hug from John, Give you a chance to hold him & hear him say "I Love You" one more time, but all my Prayers & wishes cannot do that.
Only God can give you the precious memories & strengh to walk this Lonesome Valley into the Light on the other side.John was strong & tried for a better life, You are strong & will give that strengh to your sons. Just remember to be gentle with yourself, take the time you need to heal, ask for help when you need it & lean on the Lord.
God's Blessings on you & your family.