Question:
How do I handle having to watch my sister who is 1 1/2 years out drink with her meals
and eat Oreos and other high sugar foods and chips thru out the day... I think she has begun to gain. I dont want to judge her. I want to be a safe place for her. But I am trying to do good by example... Is there anything I can say with out isolating her? ~Jennifer — Zankri (posted on March 28, 2004)
March 28, 2004
Can you ask her to attend support group with you saying it's for you but
hopefully she will benefit from it? Can you ask her (when she's not eating)
if she's having a hard time staying on the program? Ask her how family/work
life is going (maybe she's eating away stress). Ask her when the last time
she's seen her surgeon and how she's doing with that. These are legitimate
sisterly questions. I have a friend who is having a horrible time with
regain but she's in denial. I actually don't like taking her to support
group because she brags about how she eats donuts, cakes, cookies, etc. She
complains that the surgery isn't working for her but freely admits to
taking 2 hours to eat (grazing) and drinking high sugary drinks (shakes,
sodas). I try to ask her to meet me to play tennis or for walks, but she
won't have it. It must be very hard for you to watch her struggle. Good
luck with this.
— Yolanda J.
March 28, 2004
This will be unpopular, but I've drank with my meals since day one. I'm 18
months post-op, size 6 and at goal. I watch what I eat and exercise
frequently. I don't think drinking with meals itself will doom anyone.
— Angie M.
March 28, 2004
Like Angie, I have always drank or sipped with my meals. It helped me
tremendously with the 'stuck' food feeling during the first few months and
has not hampered my weight loss at all. I don't think there is anything
wrong with the occassional Oreo or other snack. We're human and love to
have our little treats from time to time. I'll have my treats from time to
time and then try to eat healthy to balance. Your sister is lucky to have
you cheering her success! Keep being there for her, cheering her on ~ You
make a great team! Open RNY 1/3/03 330/165 & at goal!
— chelle3081
March 28, 2004
1) I have always drank with my meals, and I too have snacks. I'm at
goal.<br>2)Instead of dancing around the subject, if it really
bothers you...confront her. However, I do think you will realize that it
only bothers you.<br>3)If she is truly sabotaging her weight loss,
she is fully aware of that fact. By you pointing it out, it may either
help her face reality, or she will deny it. (like most of us did before
WLS)<br>I am a firm believer of blunt honestly. My opinion, she's
been at this a bit longer than you. Earlier post ops are more 'rule
driven'. Over time, you realize what you can and can not have or do.
Express YOUR concerns and truly listen to her answer.
— RebeccaP
March 28, 2004
I don't think I'd say anything. Anyone under 6 mos post op finds it very
easy to judge longer term post-ops (who aren't immune to the food cravings
like you are early on). Don't give yourself the bad charma. Also, junk
food or not, most people get down to a certain weight and gain 10-15 up
from there. That's where they settle. Calories are calories. If she's at
goal and takes her vitamins, protein, etc, I'd leave it alone.
— mrsmyranow
March 28, 2004
My sister, always thin, never said anything to me about my eating - and
looking back on it I really appreciate it. She was very encouraging about
surgery - and made it plain that she wanted me to be healthy and be around
as long as possible and that's why she wanted me to be healthy. I know
that's how you feel about your sister and I think you're great to be so
concerned - but I'll bet if she wants to talk about her eating she knows
she can anytime with you. JMHO - and you know her better than any of us.
Good luck to both of you - you're both lucky to have each other! Libby
— [Deactivated Member]
March 28, 2004
If you have gotten the same education as she had, there is nothing you can
do to MAKE her change. People are going to do whatever they want regardless
of how you feel about it.. the only thing you can do is the best for you,
and feel good about that. <br>Why waste your time trying to convince
her how to live her life? She knows the right way to do things, and she's
an adult. I don't think that drinking with her meals is going to kill her.
And eating like that isn't the "best" thing to do post-op, but if
that's the way she has decided she is going to conduct herself after going
through all the trouble of having WLS, there isn't anything you can do to
change her. Just worry about yourself, hon.<br>Judge all you want,
but your going to have to keep your mouth shut about it :) Keep up the good
work, by the way!
— kultgirl
March 29, 2004
There are those who can drink with meals and somehow are still able to
maintain their weight loss and not get hungry right away after eating. Not
me. If I drink after a meal, I will feel the hunger right away. And some
of us (read ME) do eat cookies and other sugared foods on a regular basis.
Its my choice and as long as I can maintain (thru eating good meals and
exercising), I can have my cake and eat it too (literally). Your sister
has to want to keep her weight off. One thing you can do though is to set
up exercise sessions with her. This would be beneficial to both of you. I
think your being there for her as support and a safe place for her to go to
is exactly what sisters should do for one another.
— Cindy R.
March 29, 2004
She is your sister and I know you love her, so depending on her level of
sensitivity - I would suggest you choose your words carefully if at all.
Maybe just say, "Geez sis I wish I could eat sweets or drink like you
do, but I am afraid, what's your secret? Either she will become aware of
what she is doing or tell you her secret - and don't forget to share it
with us! GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH
— Anna M.
March 29, 2004
There may be those who snack and drink with their meals with no problems,
but if you think your sister is gaining weight then it just may be a
problem with her. I told my mother if it seems like I am gaining weight
then tell me! People will always tell you when you are losing, but usually
out of politeness when you are gaining weight they won't say a word. If
she is gaining, I think you should speak to her about the weight gain,
before it becomes too big of a problem. If she asks for suggestions maybe
point her towards the pouch rules for dummies. There are ways to say
things tactfully.
— Lisa N M.
March 29, 2004
Add me to the list of people who can drink with their meals without it
affecting my weight loss...JR (open RNY 07/17/02 -206# since surgery, -219#
total, 8# til goal!!!)
— John Rushton
March 29, 2004
Thanks so much everyone for your candor. I agree with all of you. I just
worry... I am the BIG sister you know! LOL!!! I appreciate all the
suggestions. Thanks again!
~Jennifer
— Zankri
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