Question:
How do you deal with the attitude from friends?
I'm so sick & tired of being told just to go onto How do you deal with the attitude from friends & family who are also overweight. That what I am doing is too radical & I should just "change my lifestyle" or go onto "another diet." I've tired to explain this is a health issue for me at this point. I have been on practially all diets, weight loss meds. & have gone to dieticians. They all know this. I'm unhealthy right now & feel miserable!!! This is something I need to do for my health & myself. Some say they support me, so they say. Although, in the same breath they tell me just to try it one more time. My response is don't you think I have tried everyting until this point? How do I get their support & help them to understand my point of view? — Allison T. (posted on July 11, 2001)
July 11, 2001
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a sister that is
also over weight.
It is hard for me to talk about getting this WLS, because I have insurance
that will cover
the cost and she does not. So she feels left out and is very discouraged
about it. I have
decided that I will no longer talk about my upcoming surgery.
— Phil J.
July 11, 2001
Hi Allison, My surgery is on the 30th of this month and I too, have gotten
some bad feedback from friends and family. At first I was upset that they
did not see my point of view, but I think a lot of it is, worry. My mom
has been telling me to just try again, not to go with the surgery. I sat
her down and asked her why she wouldn't want me to be happy, with my life,
and surgery was the way. She admitted that it scared her to have me go
under the knife. So instead of just fessing up to what she really thought,
she would tell me, try this diet etc etc... Also I've gotten negative
feedback from family members that are overweight about the surgery. The
bottom line, I tell them is that I'm doing this for me, and not anyone
else. I also ask them that if they are so free to give me diet advice,
then why aren't they following it themselves, may sound rude but it usually
shuts them up. You have to make yourself happy, and just ignore the
comments. You live in your body, not them. Best wishes!
— Carey N.
July 11, 2001
I am right there with you. I have had a few supporters, but many people
who say "maybe you need to think this thing through" or "you
should do research on that before you make such a drastic decision".
What..do they think that I am just jumping into something that I don't know
anything about? It is an insult to my intelligence. I am so sick of the
negative responses. I wish that there were a phamplet or brochure on all
of the positive aspects of WLS with some statistics and how it has changed
lives and saved lives. It would be easier than trying to explain myself.
I always thank those that support me and let them know how much it means to
have those that understand. They are the ones that will be there for you.
I am curious to see responses to your question, for I also need the advice.
— Cheri M.
July 11, 2001
Girlfriend, Let me start off by telling you that THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!!!!
Look I undrestand EXACTLY how you feel but in my case, I just chose to tell
my parents and my husband, and they too wonder why I don't " change my
eating habits" or "find a new diet". I just tell them that I
have to do what I think is best for me and not for everyone else. Seeing
yourself in the mirror everyday with all this weight on makes 'YOU'
miserable, so therefore you are doing this for yourself and what makes You
happy should make everyone else around you happy!!! Maybe if you get them
to read more about the procedure, they will somewhat understand what you
want them to. Good luck!!!!
— dainty
July 11, 2001
— blank first name B.
July 11, 2001
Allison,
Hi. At first I had a lot of people say "Oh you don't need that
drastic of surgery. You can do it, Just lose a little bit of weight, Just
use more will=power. etc. Finally I just said "I'm doing it and I'm
excited. My family supported me and I just acted like everyone else was
just as excited for me. Then when I had it and had no trouble everyone
thought they'd invented it for me. They thought they'd supported me and
they were proud of me. When they told anyone about it they were allllll
positive. Positive attitude breeds positive attitude. I pretended never
to see that they had doubts, and I never let them phase me. Now, a few
pounds from goal, and almost 11 months later they are all thrilled for me.
I'm complimented every day by co=workers. I am put up as an example of how
good it could be to their families. Don't let their attitude affect yours.
This is for real, and forever. Be happy and lose the weight but gain
yourself back. Take care, Cindy P
— Bryytteyes
July 11, 2001
I have some friends saying You go girl! My family is scared slightly
supportive. My older sister is a doc, her husband too, and they are dead
set against it. They have been heavy as well and have lost weight and
continue to maintain the weight loss. My response to that is - yeah I
could bike and go to the gym 7 days a week if I had a nanny too! Our lives
are so different, she has no idea! I do not think she was ever at a BMI of
50,which I am. My advice to you is - live for you! I don't know if you
have any spiritual inclinations, but I believe God DID NOT make me this
way. Bad Habits, poor self image and genes got me here. So I believe I am
honoring god by having surgery and creating me inot the image he designed
me. Not to be unhappy and in pain.
— MICHELLE B.
July 11, 2001
I refrained from telling too many people to avoid hearing what you are
talking about, but since you already have told people what you are planning
on doing I suggest you stop talking about it as best you can from now until
after your surgery. If people persist in wanting to discuss your personal
life with you and forcing their opinion on you just be ready to say that
you appreciate their concern but this is a decision that you must make for
yourself - and leave it there. You can't force people to support you,
especially with something like this which is so hard for others to
understand. It's your life, your decision. I am 3 months post op Lap/RNY
and 50 pounds gone forever and am never looking back. To thine own self be
true!
— [Anonymous]
July 11, 2001
I, too, had tried everything. I was even a Weight Watcher lecturer at one
time -- kept my weight off for years, then I fell off the wagon and it
rolled over on me. When I finally heard about the RNY and then got the 'OK'
to have it I cannot tell you how excited I was. My friends & family all
said the same thing...'just try dieting 6 months & then if you can't
lose, do the operation.' HA! I'd been trying to get back on a diet for 15
years, what makes them think 6 mos. is going to be any better. My mother
was really angry, my daughter told me I was taking the easy way out.
Frankly, I didn't care what any of them thought...this is MY life, this is
MY decision and I am excited even if no one else is! I look forward to
being a "normal" weight and buying clothes in any department
store. Sometimes friends, family & co-workers feel threatened when
those of us that are "fluffy" start getting thin and start
getting attention...it's their insecurity, not ours. Good luck and don't
worry about anyone but yourself. This is a great gift you will be giving
yourself AND an extended life!
— Betty Todd
July 12, 2001
I'm pre-op and scheduled for surgery in January. I've only told a very few
people because of the negative feedback issue. I know that others will
find out later on (my kids all have big mouths). I plan on not trying to
convince anyone that this is a good decision for me. I figure on just
letting them make their comments and then on changing the subject with a
polite smile. If people ask how I'm losing weight, I'll just tell them
that I'm eating a lot less and watching what I eat more carefully. I've
made a lot of unpopular decisions in my life; I figure this is just one
more. Don't let anyone else tell you how to run your life; they don't
live in your skin.
— Kathy J.
July 12, 2001
I have a interesting situation.
My best friend Bill is like my adopted dad. He says I am nuts to do this. I
dated his daughter for many years and were still friends, she is morbidly
obese too. She also thinks I am nuts.
Now our common friend Al has a coworker who is a WLS post op, at last
report down 57 pounds in 9 weeks. I hope I do that good. He is feeling good
and happy.
With the news of the post op all three of them have altered their stance
somewhat. Although they still dont understand.
Its been interesting getting reports on the post op and watching their
surprise.
Were having a last supper bash at Ponderosa in the next few days.
Many morbidly obese are in denial and no one who is a near normal weight
has ANY idea of what this is like.
My goal is to be a good example to others. My results will encourage my
wife Jen to get the surgery, and I want to help others who are trapped by
their weight. Success will be not just for me but for others.
I am teling the world.... One person at a time.
— bob-haller
July 12, 2001
Allison, hang in there. I've told only a few people who I felt would be
supportive, and only two have tried to talk me out of it. The best thing I
can suggest is to simply listen to what they have to say, filter it, use
what you can and let the rest go. People who have never been fat will
never truly understand the things that many of us fat people have been
through (and I don't mean those Slim Fast 'losers' good lord if all I ever
had to worry about was losing 10 pounds.. pfft! *G*). Those who are fat
and anti surgery most likely haven't come to that place in their own lives
where they see WLS as an avenue to a healthier happier life, or they have
some other personal reasoning. I personally used to think I'd NEVER in a
million years consider surgery, but at 34 with creaking knees an aching
back and other comorbidities, how could I pass up the chance to finally
succeed?
You'd think that people would be thrilled to hear we are finally going to
be 'normal' (can you feel the sarcasm there? LOL) but noooo, they go for
the jugular even when presented with the idea that we are going to do
something for ourselves! Though as others have said, fear is a big issue.
Those who love us are afraid that something might happen to us and it puts
them on the defensive.
Educate those you love, I have a notebook full of printouts from
sabariatric.com, duodenalswitch.com, and obesityhelp.com.. I have copies of
my letters to my doctors and every step I've taken towards my surgery.. I
sit them down, tell them I love them and that I'm doing something so I can
be around a lot longer.. I tell them and show them the book. Knowledge is
Power.
Forgive the novel and best of luck to you! ~Peace!
— Joscelin
April 5, 2002
I have to give kudos to my best friend, Janyne. Even now, before surgery,
when I
hang out with her, I forget I am fat. It sounds weird considering she is a
mere 6
feet tall and about 130 lbs. and looks absolutely fabulous in anything but
its true!
She has been my best friend since the 4th grade (A little over 10 years
now) and she
is excited for me. She is just as excited to be able to raid my closet
full of really
cute clothes as I am to raid hers!! LOL ;) Its like doubling up on
wardrobes! :)
— Nicole0105
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