Question:
What do I tell my co-worker and supervisors when I am off for surgery?
I have a question on how or what to tell my co-workers and supervisors, I am not sure that they will understand why I want this surgery and why I need time off work. I don't want to lie to them, but I sure don't want to tell them the real reason that I am having surgery. I know my supervisor will not understand and may not ok my time off work, she is a person that don't like FAT people, she thinks that they can lose weight if they want to, stop eating, will power, she is a good boss, but is skinny and don't understand, and will laught behind your back. I had hernia surgery last year and they didn't get all of them, would it be wrong to tell her that is what I am going to have done, and what will the doctor put on my medical leave report? I don't like the feeling that I have to lie to my employer. But sometimes some things are better not discussed and WLS is one of them.... — T R. (posted on March 30, 2001)
March 29, 2001
I don't have insurance approval yet, but when I do have my surgery, I don't
plan on telling my supervisor. Luckily, my short term disability and
doctor's notes to return to work all go through our human resources
department, so they are obligated to keep things like that private if I ask
them to.
If your supervisor is an unsympathetic person I would definitely not tell
her. You can just say that you have to have abdominal surgery and leave it
at that. If she presses you, just tell her it is a private matter and you
don't wish to discuss it further.
I would think that you have a right to keep this private, but if she should
find out, you can tell her that you are doing this for your health and you
are going to lose weight, something she seems to think she can give expert
advice on, (NOT!!). Don't worry about what she will or will not say behind
your back. If she is the type of person who does that, she will do it
regarding any subject.
You are doing this for yourself, noone else. If people can't be supportive
of it, then you know who has your best interests at heart.
— [Anonymous]
March 29, 2001
I initially thought I would not tell my supervisor as she
would not understand. However, I took a chance and went
ahead and told her. She was not for it, and let me know,
but did tell me that she believes everyone should be happy
and if this would make me happy and be what I thought
was best, then she was there for me. Even came to the
hospital on a Sunday to see me.
As far as my co-workers go, they have been very supportive.
Much more so that my family was. But it has to come down
to what are you comfortable with.
— Debra L.
March 29, 2001
i have hear many people in my support group who did not want to tell either
who decided to tell them it was gall bladder surgry since the recouperation
time can be similar. if you have already been through the hernia you could
use that too. as far as them laughing...see how hard she will laugh when
you are skinnier than her!!!!! i know my experiences may not be typical,
but since i dont lie weel, i decided to tell everyone the truth. the ONLY
person who gave me a bit of a hard time at first was my mom..."cant
you diet????" NO, appearantly it hasnt worked for me before. i was
amazed at how supportive everyone has been. all i have hear are comments
like...i am so happy for you...you go girl!!!!, how much have you
lost???...you look great!...and they want to know what it was like and what
i can eat. NO ONE has made even one negative comment! and if they did it
behind my back, to heck with them...i have lost 30 lbs in 30 days and i
will be skinnier than them!!!!!
good luck...whatever you decide
— Kathy831
March 30, 2001
I too have been asking my self the same question. I am waiting on insurance
approval and I have been to Dr. visits and had some test run. I have told
my co-workers as well as my Supervisor that I MAY be having surgery and it
is abdominal. No one has really ask me what the problem is. I will have to
tell my supervisor since he has to approve my Short Term Disiabilty paper
work, but I am going to wait to see what the Dr. puts on the form, I'm
hoping my supervisor will not be very curious and ask alot of questions. As
for my co-workers I am not going to tell them, I feel this is a personal
decision and would prefer to keep it that way. I know they will notice my
weight loss and will explain it off as diet and excercise. Which is what I
will be doing. Good luck in your decision, I say do what ever makes you
comfortable!!!
— psstanz
March 30, 2001
I work with mostly men and my supervisor is a male. They were my biggest
supporters. I had little support from my family. My supervisor was very
understanding and sympathetic. I think it makes a difference when you work
for the opposite sex. Women have a tendency to get jealous if they see any
type of improvement such as weight loss. Can your supervisor deny you sick
time? My time off was considered sick time and not vacation so he couldn't
deny my time off even if he wanted to. Good luck with your decision and
just remember you are doing this to better your health regardless of what
others may think.
— Debra H.
March 30, 2001
I was honest, and it was a nightmare. Read my profile for the full story.
Had I kept it private, though, I'm not sure if it would have made a bit of
difference in the attitudes of my coworkers.
— [Deactivated Member]
March 30, 2001
Aparently many of the folks who have posted answers work in offices with
much nicer people than I have! LOL! I work with a bunch of jackals that
live to talk about people and what they perceive as weakness. They would
rip me apart while I was gone if I let them know about this procedure. A
scout will probably show up at the hospital...but it will be the wrong one
because I will tell them a cover hospital. I am in high ticket sales and
these co salesmen will do anything to errode your standing with the company
and undermine promotions and referrals. I am telling them I am scheduled
for gastric surgery i.e. I am having my gallbladder removed. Let them chew
on that one.
— [Anonymous]
March 30, 2001
This is always an interesting question for me, and if you check the
database you'll see even more responses. First of all, you are NOT
required to tell your boss what kind of surgery you're having. In my case,
not even the HR manager knew. I filled out the appropriate short term
disability paperwork (completely and accurately) and sent it in myself. No
problems or questions came up. My advice is to tell people only when you
are comfortable and ready - that includes co-workers, friends and family
members. As far as work goes, you have to look at your work environment,
and your's doesn't sound like an open one. I had only been in my job 6
months before my surgery, and I had no idea how people would react or how
suportive they would be, so I kept it quiet. Close to my surgery date, I
told the partners of the firm I was having surgery to take care of a major
medical issue that needed to be taken care of in order to insure my long
term health. (No lying - it was completely true!!!) Neither partner asked
what kind of surgery it was. They just wished me well and told me to take
as much time as I needed. I really appreciated their concern and the fact
that they respected my privacy. Just before surgery, a lot is going on -
trips to the doctor for tests, getting mentally prepared for the surgery,
taking care of your families' needs. I did not want the added pressure of
potential ignorant responses to what I was doing - I had already
experienced quite a bit of that with the various doctors I saw. I was also
very careful about telling only very small group of friends and family
members for the same reason. When I came back to work, every single person
in the office came to me and asked me if everything had gone well, and no
one asked me what I had done. What a relief! But if they had, I would
have politely said it was a private matter. When I became comfortable
enough to start talking about it, I did, especially to friends and church
members who started complimenting me on the changes that have taken place.
When appropriate I discuss with co-workers. (10 months later I am 100 lbs
lighter so the changes are hard to miss:)So it's a very personal choice,
but I say talk about it when you want to and when you're comfortable. If
you are feeling pressured to say something, that is a sign that the timing
is not right. Best of luck to you.
— Paula G.
March 30, 2001
I, too, had this same issue. However, weird as it sounds, I am happy that
I need my gall bladder out and a hernia repaired. I told my coworkers and
family that I need my gall bladder out and hernia repaired and that my dr.
wants to look around to see if anything else needs repairing. I had this
question about a month ago and some one responded "once you tell, you
can't take it back". Boy, is that ever true. And there is no way in
heck that I am telling my boss or coworkers. I have told 3 friends, my
sister and husband, but not my mom, she is wonderful and we are very close,
but I don't want to get her all nervous. She is a very thin lady and would
understand, but worry herself way too much.
I don't feel as though I am lying, I am just telling 2/3 of the truth. I
hope this helps. :-)
— [Anonymous]
Click Here to Return