Question:
This question is for those who have lost around 100 lbs or more

I wondered if others, who have lost around 100 or more pounds, experience overwhelming feelings? or extra sensitive feelings in having a need to "connect" with others. (For me, recently, I experience these overwhelming feelings that I have never had to deal with (when I was at 330 lbs) because I ate, or stuffed, my feelings. I would like to know how others have dealt with this? and what has your personal experience been? how did you recognize that that is what it was? You can e-mail me personally if you prefer ([email protected])    — twenc (posted on February 7, 2001)

February 7, 2001
Hi, I read your question. I dont have an answer but I am very concerned about how to cope after I have my surgery. I use food as a narcotic so I just dont have to feel much of anything!
   — jean B.

February 7, 2001
I think I know what you mean. I've lost 120 lbs so far (10 months postop) and I just recently started a new job after working from home for a few years. I worked at home because I didn't want to be around people and I didn't want people to see me. Now it's almost torture for me to stay home and not be around other people. I've been feeling that need to "connect" with people also. I find that I have to take things slowly so that I don't scare people off with my neediness! I've gradually started going out with the ladies from work and reconnecting with the friends that I let slip away. I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for so I'm not sure how much help I can be. Just know that others have felt this way too.
   — Kellie L.

February 7, 2001
I honestly never disconnected with people even when I was heavy. I used to be more outgoing than normal just to cover up my weight and unhappiness. What I "did" find though, is that I get very angry now at people who make fun of other people who are heavy. They expect me to laugh with them and instead get a lecture. I feel an overwhelming need to be an advocate for the large person now. I almost feel like I am a large person incognito. It's amazing what people will say discriminatorily when they don't know that you have been in the same position as the person they are making fun of. It seems, sometimes, to be a whole different world now...one that I honestly didn't know existed. I really never realized how discriminated against I was until I lost all this weight. I can also say, that I feel like sometimes, I am missing something. I mean the eating thing. Food was basically a friend to me for so long and now I have to replace that with human contact. That may be what you are experiencing, I'm not sure. I just know that you should enjoy your newfound self, and get out there and enjoy the world and all the new people in it. If you are alittle needy, well, so be it. I am sure that you were probably there for everyone when you were heavy...it's now your turn to be loved.
   — Barbara H.

February 7, 2001
My problem was (110lbs ago) I went the other way. I was sooo nice and sooo tolerant of things that now I wouldn't consider putting up with. But I too get angry with people who think it is alright to make fun of heavy people and do this around me. I wonder what did they used to say about me? I am also bothered by the people who didn't speak with me before. This stuff bothers me but I don't dwell on it. I just take each day as it comes and thank God for what he has allowed me to become. I hope my answer helped you.
   — Rose A.

February 7, 2001
I could identify a lot with Kellie's answer. I still work at home & am ready now to make a change & I want to meet & connect more with other people. I am getting out more now & doing more things. I feel like I am re-joining the world & re-discovering myself in the process. It's as if I had been separated from the world by a piece of glass, I could see everything, but I wasn't really a part of it. Now, I am getting more involved all the time. I am trying to face my fears head-on, instead of giving in to them. If the idea of being in a swimsuit in front of friends scares me, I make SURE I do it. I am finding that the majority of my fears are groundless & I don't want to give in to them anymore. It kind of makes me feel brave, strong, & capable. I LOVE the changes I am going through. I'm enjoying life, friends, & people SO much. I'm also enjoying myself & getting to know me better, now that I'm not hiding from myself & everyone else, too. I don't know if all this makes sense, but I feel like the last 10 months have been the most WONDERFUL adventure. I see my future now with optimism & excitement. I can't wait to see what the next year holds for me. I am just short of 10 months out & 155# lost forever (about 35# left to go).
   — Kathy W.

February 8, 2001
There are ways to "reconnect" with people -- volunteering is a good way -- there are lots of organizations which depend on volunteers to stay afloat. Check your local papers, schools, hospitals, nursing homes, homeless shelters, or churches. Speaking of churches, get active in your church. Helping others has always been the best way to get our minds off of our own troubles. Join a gym, take an adult continuing education course, take a pottery class, learn to paint. There are clubs for virtually every interest out there -- seek them out, try them out. Join a bowling league, a horseshoe league, a volleyball league. There really is no end to ways to connect with people of like interests or who could use your company. Best wishes in your new life.
   — Cindy H.