Question:
Is there anyone else who feels their surgery was unsuccess?
I posted a few months back about how I had not been happen one day since the surgery. Everyone encouraged me that the weight would start dropping. Last week I was 309 lbs, bringing my weight loss since surgery to 64 lbs in 4+ months. This week I gained 10 of those lbs back. How could I have gained ten lbs in so short a period. I am so frustrated, maybe even bordering on depression. I am tired of the struggle. I am 28, and have missed the youthful years of my life, being trapped by obesity, I have never dated, never had a social life, and I'm just tired. I'm ready to live and have a life, be a mother and a wife. I live in a large home, but I live alone. I make decent money, but I spend it alone, I love to travel, but I travel alone. I am so ready to not be defined by my weight. I thought that at almost five months out, I would'nrt feel like this, I thought I would have lost more than 56 lbs. I certainly did'nt think that I would be gaining. I do the protein, I do the water, blah, blah, blah, but on most days I do not feel like I had a surgery. Nothing has irritated my pouch, nothing has caused me to dump. I eat protein, and very little carbs. I feel like a bigger failure, than prior to the surgery when I lost 30 lbs on my own. I should have kept going on my own, because if surgery can't even help me with my obesity issues, surely I am a failure. — honey B. (posted on September 9, 2004)
September 9, 2004
Don't be discouraged. I had the operation on March 26, 2004 and I have
lost almost 100lbs. I started out with a bang and now it seems like
everything is going real slow. Do you exercise (walking, jogging, working
out? I found when I walked daily(2miles) the weight was coming off quicker.
Lately,I haven't been walking, so I know I have to start back. Good luck
and do not give up. Email me anytime.
— Tanya T.
September 9, 2004
Honey don't be down on yourself you have lost 64 lbs and what ever you do
don't compare yourself to others, We all having different BMI's, different
health conditions, activity levels, stresses in our lives, our age and
everyone of these things will effect how fast you lose. My surgeon said I
was weighing too much and should only weigh twice a month because we have
days where we retain water and the scales discourage us. I was a constant
weigher my son has now hidden the scales from me ( he is 15) and I am
having scale withdrawl BIGTIME!!!! You are doing great I am 7 months post
op and have lost 87lbs and my PCP and surgeon both say I have lost more
than they expected at this point because of health conditions. Go to
www.thinnerself.com you can chart your weight and inches they have graphs
and you will be surprised when you see all the graphs heading south. Don't
be so hard on yourself you and I started out just a few pounds apart so I
think you are doing great and remember when you have a week where you don't
lose that is OK it is your body catching up and you will notice this is
when you lose the inches. Most of all remember this is a tool not a miracle
we still have to diet and exercise. Email me if you'd like I think you
are doing great and before you know it you'll be on the beach in your
bikini.....Nancy
— nefish
September 9, 2004
Honey... Before I posted I tried to think back how much I had lost at 4
months; and honestly couldnt remember. I do know it was less than 29 the
first month; but I went on to loose 150 in 10. In fact, my highest weight
loss was at month 9 when I lost 21 in two weeks.. so it can happen. In the
mentime... You might want to have your surgeon check out your 'mechanic's
just to be sure that everything is working 'ok' I couldnt see a profile,
so I dont know if your surgeon made you a prox or a distal. If a proximal
how 'much'... that can effect the rate you loose.
Also, you might want to see a therapist to ease some of your pain. I know
you are anxcious to start a new life; but even loosing all your weight may
NOT change that... you will be able to be more active... but since you have
serounded yourself with being alone.. you may not have the skills needed to
have the relationship you want.. and NOW would be the time to learn those
skills from a good therapist... U
— star .
September 9, 2004
Look at it this way. You're losing at a rate of more than 10 pounds per
month! That's BETTER than what most doctors suggest. I know everyone wants
it to happen overnight, but I was a slow and steady loser (8-10 pounds per
month). And the advantage I think is the lack of sagging skin. I'm 45 on
Saturday and my skin's condition is what I think it would be for someone my
age. Not perfect, but nothing like what I see on those Extreme Makeover
shows. Don't be led by what others post on their accomplishments. Everyone
is different. If you follow the rules, and your mechanics are working (and
they sound like they are since you've lost) then just go with it. Your
weight GAIN may be due to you trying to cut back even more. I noticed
better weight loss when I was finally able to eat more. Hang in there!
— keva M.
September 9, 2004
Honey... what type of surgery did you have? If it was the RNY, then it
does seem slow to me, but you may just be a slow loser. What does your
surgeon say? Do you get full when you eat your (dense) protein? Do you
feel that your surgery is intact? Have you had your thyroid checked? I
would keep a record of what I was eating, and check w/ my surgeon to see
what he/she has to say. Depression is also a tough thing to deal with
those first few months. It's a difficult time. If you need something...
see your doc! Don't give up. If you're surgery is intact, and you keep
following the rules, you will eventually lose. Those 10 pounds must be
water weight... they should come off soon! Do you attend a support group?
If not, it may be helpful to find one. Hang in there!
— mom2jtx3
September 9, 2004
Hey, I looked at your profile but it is blank. What kind of operation did
you have? Also, are you working out 5 hours of cardio a week + 30 mins of
weight training 3x a week? That goes hand in hand.
I can tell you as someone who has been fat my whole life. Surgery or not,
you won't lose w/o exercising. The people who are able to lose w/o
exercise seem to be the ones who were thin their whole lives and then
gained weight in their adulthood. They are people with a higher
metabolism. This is just observation, not fact.
— mrsmyranow
September 9, 2004
Wow I hear your frustration, been there so many times and I have beat
myself up over and over because my weight loss was too slow and everyone
else lost so much more. I still wear some plus sizes and that gets to me
at times, I hear about so many in size 8 or even 2. Over the past 21
months, I've lost 140 lbs. It took time, lots of work on my part with
exercize and lots of frustration, and I still need to lose at least 60 lb.
I've learned the hard way (with frustration and depression) not to compare
myself to other postops, alot depends on your age, how much you have to
lose and more. All you will accomplish is beating yourself up and feeling
miserable. Stay off of the scale --I know its hard to do. You are young
and you have many years ahead. I lived a very good life as a morbid obese
woman but now Im ready to do all kinds of other things that I couldnt do
before and I want to be healthy. I basically had to tell myself to
straighten up so many times. Now I have the ability to do so much more
like walk along the beach (in a bathing suit), touch my toes, ride a bike,
dance, run. I have been obese since I was 2 I know how hard it is to be
obese, but that's not what its all about either, weight loss does not
insure a happy life. You are doing very well with your weight loss and I
wish you the best. WLS is just a tool, I've learned the struggle will
never be over. We just have to go on and the best we can be. I'm now 50
yet I still look at my life as starting over and I love it. I would
suggest counseling to help get you through, it really helped me. Best
wishes to you.
— debmi
September 9, 2004
Honey bey-- I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Please don't
think you are a failure-- you're not!! I will second most of what has been
said here: everyone is different in terms of what they have lost and how
quickly or slowly that happens. Talk with your surgeon and get the
mechanics checked. Update your profile so we can give you better
suggestions. Remember that the surgery is a tool, just a part of the
equation-- you have to do your part and it sounds like you're doing that.
One thing I don't see you mention in your post is exercise-- that will be a
tremendous help not just in losing more weight and building muscle, but it
will also help alleviate some of the depressive tendencies. Yes, at first
the exercise is a pain but it will get better, and you will get better. I
would also recommend a supprt group. Best of luck to you and keep us
updated!
— lizinPA
September 9, 2004
I think too many of us compare our weight loss to others who lose very fast
and consider ourselves failures! We all lose at different rates and when
in your life have you ever lost 64 lbs in 4 monthes??? That's such a HUGE
amount of weight! Try carrying around 3 20LB bags of dog food and see how
much it is. Be proud of what you've accomplished so far and try not to put
so much pressure on yourself by constantly comparing your weight loss to
others. Believe in yourself and remember that you need to treat yourself
well!! Good luck...Denise
— djrochman
September 9, 2004
Honey-
Please check my profile, I am an official slow loser. I was going through
the same frustrations as you. I have finally gotten to an "ok"
point with myself, I don't know how I did it but I did. This is MY
journey, and it can't be compared to anyone elses. What I have come to
realize though is that I have to put really A LOT of effort to exercise.
Without it, I don't lose weight. I don't dump, but I do throw up when food
gets stuck, when I don't chew well or I try new things that just don't
work. I can eat just about any sweet that I want, and I know that...so I
just don't buy them. I think you should get yourself into the doctors and
get your depression treated. There is nothing to be ashamed of there, and
the effects of antidepressants and/or counseling can be amazing. I believe
our attitudes make such an incredible difference in our success postop, and
if you mentally can't be in the right place because of being depressed,
then it really needs to be taken care of. You have done WONDERFUL. Just
remember, this fat too your whole life to get on, don't expect it to be all
gone in 4, 5 or even 6 months. You are NOT a failure. Please read my
profile, I address this in August I believe...I was 4 months out and
feeling like the biggest failure out here. Now I know I'm not, and YOU ARE
NOT A FAILURE. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. You are
struggling with your mind, which wasn't touched with this surgery. One
suggestion, start journaling in your profile. It helps me a ton, and I
like going back and reading where I was at certain points in my journey, to
remind me how far I've come. Take care, Shannon Open RNY 2/25/04
251/189/140
— M. Me
September 9, 2004
I feel that I have failed at this. Today was my 18 month check up and it
showed a 103 pound loss. I started at 389 pounds on March 7, 2003. It was
so depressig for me today. I never really had a "honey moon"
period where the weight just fell off. It took me 11 months to lose the
100 pounds. I did tell my doctor that I have not given up though. I
started back at the gym and I intend to make it to my goal which is 220
pounds. I am very thankful for what I have accomplished because it has done
so much for my life in a very positive way but it did not turn out the way
I had expected it. Nor did it turn out according to the "weightloss
chart". Please do not give up and focus on the good that this surgery
has done for you. Keep working your tool. Stay determined and things will
work out.
— twin94
September 9, 2004
At 4 months, I'd lost 61#. Kinda pokey by some standards, but I still
reached a low of 104# (weight). Your loss sounds good to me. The sudden
bounce up makes me nervous, though. What are you eating? Avoiding?
Drinking? Water taste ok? Any reflux/acid feelings? Tell us what you are
doing for supplementation, how you take them, how you make them. And fill
in the blanks on type of surgery and all, ok? I know all of us want to
just wake up thin and not go thru the PROCESS of getting there. But don't
miss the process while you wait. The day you can cross your legs, wipe your
bottom, climb a ladder or whatever it is for you... all of those are
landmarks in our lives and should be noted! Getting there is half the
battle to STAYING there. You are young. I was already old when I had
surgery and get to enjoy a more fun body now that age is taking its toll. A
mixed blessing. Enjoy every minute as you shrink, even the waits between
steps. I know, I know. Me, too, but at least I found the process so
interesting, it kept me going.
— vitalady
September 10, 2004
Please Please do not feel like failure. I had surgery September 25, 2002
started out at 373 pounds and as of August 20, 2004 i weighed 282 a total
lost of about 91 pounds, I gain and lose gain and lose. In one 5 month
period I gained 20 I was heart broken. You can e-mail if yu wish.
— missturtle
September 10, 2004
Pls don't get discouraged. I know that's easier said than done but you are
now on the right track. I'm about 13months post op and I feel the same way
at times. I wish I was the kind of post that dumped on everything and lost
100 pounds in 2 months but that's not my journey. Don't get me wrong,
there are days when I feel like such a failure but I have to remind myself
of how far I've come and the fact that this new tool makes loosing weight
and KEEPING IT OFF a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, I have to now train
myself to go to the gym atleast 3times a week, See a counselor for my
eating disorder, Take medication for my depression and so on. Continue
working at it and I promise for both of us it will get better. Vesta
426/290/??
— vesta D.
September 10, 2004
You lost weight pre-op, often when people lose wieght pre-op they don't
have as big of a drop early post op. It sounds like your body as quickly
settled into it's rate of losing. I very quickly settled into losing about
10 lbs a month. (some months it's been as low as 6 lbs) for a long time it
frustated me, I felt like the surgery wasn't working for me, etc. But now
that I am further out and that 'slow' weight loss has added up I can see
the big picture and no longer feel like I am failing. <br><br>
Have you tried logging your foods? I use the fitday pc software and find it
is very valueable to me. It helps me make sure I keep my calories in a good
range (more often than not I am trying to get more, rather than less) and
also my protein up. I notice if I take in too little I don't lose.
Just hang in there, keep working at it. Also, if you're really concerned
talk to your surgeon about your concerns.
— Patricia T.
September 11, 2004
Please, please don't feel discouraged. Your weight loss is really good. I
know exactly how you feel, as I also thought my weight loss was so slow in
the beginning. I had a friend who had lost 64 pounds at 8 weeks and I'd
only lost 36. I was devastated. You see, I had fought having this surgery
for over a year. I have been overweight my entire life and this was truly
my last hope. I had tried every diet known to man and when my PCP told me
I had to have the surgery, I refused over and over again. For another
year, I tried everything. I counted calories, fats, carbs, diet pills,
EVERYTHING. NOTHING worked. My blood pressure (which is the only other
co-morbidity I suffered from, thank God) continued to climb higher and
higher. I was on the maximum dosage of two different kinds of blood
pressure medicine and still wasn't doing well. So, after doing much
research and turning the entire matter over to God, I relented and started
the process. I asked Him to provide the way if it was within His Will that
I have it done and if it wasn't, then I asked that He block it at all
avenues. Well, I agreed to the process in August, 2003, went to a seminar
in September, saw the psychologist in October, saw the surgeon in November.
I was approved by him and everything went to insurance the first week of
December. I was told that Aetna was the hardest company my surgeon's
office dealt with and not to expect an answer for at least 8 weeks. I was
approved in 6 days. God had given me His answer and my life. Even until
the surgery, 1/5/04, I still prayed daily asking His will to be done and if
there was anything that could go wrong I asked that He block the surgery.
I was completely at peace on the morning of my surgery. I have NEVER gone
to surgery without being scared. I worked in a hospital for 29 years and
knew just enough to be dangerous to myself in all my thoughts and feelings.
But, with great calm, I turned it all over to Him and asked He bring me
thru it all without complication. But even so, if He decided to take me
home to Heaven, then so be it. And I promptly relaxed and went to surgery.
I came thru everything with flying colors.
This is such a HUGE lifestyle change and I am sure was not entered into
lightly by any of us who have chosen this journey and this tool. This was
the last chance for most, if not all of us. The tool helps us to lose the
weight but we still have to make the right choices or the tool won't work
as well. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You will lose the weight as
long as you follow the instruction of your surgeon and dietician. If you
have a support group in your area, go to the meetings. I don't have one
close to me since I traveled halfway across the state to have my surgery,
but I have friends who've had the surgery and we encourage each other.
When I told my doctor I didn't think I was going to lose...that I was
afraid the surgery wouldn't work, he reassured me it would be fine. Every
visit he tells me I'm in the average range, which has been from the very
beginning (averaging the entire time) at a little over 3 pounds per week.
I expected to be like my friend who lost 200 pounds in her first year and
then after about 4 months, my mind reconciled and I became at peace that I
was in the normal range of average and she was in the minority with her
tremendous weight loss. So, here's how it's gone for me.
1/5/04 surgery date... started out at 333.5 pounds
2/5/04...lost 33.5 pounds and then it became
3/5/04...lost 42.5 pounds and then,
4/5/04...lost 56 pounds and then,
5/5/04...lost 64.5 pounds and then,
6/5/04...lost 78 pounds and then,
7/5/04...lost 88 pounds and then,
8/5/04...lost 98.5 pounds and then,
9/5/04...lost 105 pounds, and as of this morning, I am at 106.5 pounds
weight lost total. My current weight is 227 pounds. This all equals out to
a little over 3 pounds per week. Please know you will lose at your OWN
rate. Everyone is completely different. As long as you do your part in
making good choices and following your instructions from the surgeon and
dietician, you WILL lose.
Please feel free to contact me via e-mail anytime...I really mean
it...ANYTIME. If you need to vent, if you need to cry, if you need
encouragement, if you need prayer...anything you need, I will try to help
you. Good luck and God bless. Please keep in touch. You are NOT a
FAILURE!!! And remember, God loves you and God don't make junk!!! :)
— Katherine F.
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