Question:
...Does this description fit you?
Where are you in your WLS journey now? Some time ago I posted this question (Check in the library under "Barbie Doll Syndrome"). I'm working on my dissertation for Holistic Medicine & Nutrition and I'm sure that since then, many have had great success or are headed that direction. I've come through several "mishaps" and I'm now feeling more confident and have increased self-esteem. I've always wondered what it would be like to have my clothes look like they were made just for me. To look flawless...perfect, everything in just the right place. Acceptance in today's society, the compliments, the whole nine yards! Yes, it feels good, and let's face it...it's finally setting in, we LOOK good. But are you concerned at all at what others are saying and thinking about your *newly discovered" self? Do we REALLY care what someone else thinks about us? I'll have to admit, my clothes fit better, I'm more sensitive to other people and I don't do fat jokes (especially when it involves someone else who is either obese, currently suffering or has suffered with morbid obesity). I'm interested in knowing your thoughts from a real, psychological aspect on the "The Barbie Doll Syndrome". How do you REALLY feel? How do you NOW envision yourself? Many have said that they have wanted to at least *feel* as well as look like that. I feel like I'm just melting sometimes, and looking in the mirror on a pretty regular basis...I can't believe it. All of our lives, we felt that we had to *look* a certain way for acceptance. No more! Is there anything wrong with that? Where are you in your WLS journey now? Does this description fit you? Be honest, is this you? I certainly know it's real for me, the only thing is the Real Barbie Doll has never been as short as me...Thanks for helping me with my assignment. I want the BEST grade!! Proximal LAP RNY 9/3/02 5'2" 265/138/115-126 you know me, Hadiyah McCutcheon, a.k.a.~~~ — yourdivaness (posted on January 14, 2004)
January 14, 2004
I've only got a minute, but wanted to respond to your post- As far as the
"barbie doll syndrome" goes- As a child/teen I was TORTURED with
teasing- Yes it has rolled over into my adult life- I don't think I could
ever see myself as a "barbie" I guess years of being told I was
fat and ugly- have just stuck with me- Its "funny" because I wear
a "normal" size now with a "normal" BMI...but I still
feel like that "fat cow" Hey don't get me wrong- I'm VERY
thankful and feel great- But I think no matter how "thin" I get-
I will never see myself as "Barbie" gotta run-
Kim 14 Months post op -167 5'8" 327/175/160 Lap RNY
— WABBIT F.
January 14, 2004
I doubt I will ever feel like a barbie doll. But then, that was never my
goal, or even a dream. I do however, feel, for the first time, normal and
happy with the way I look. I personally do not care what others think of
me, I never have. I am only concerned with how I think about me. I feel
free from the fat prison now, and I am very thankful for that fact. I am
no longer hard on myself for my appearance or what I eat. Now, with the
new me, I am more vain, I suppose. I am more conscience of my appearance
and now have the desire to look my best instead of just good enough. But I
think that is more of a confidence issue than an actual weight one. I was
thin up until I was about the age of 23, and was only severely obese for
about 6 or 7 years...I was still in denial of my size at the time I had
surgery. So for me to be thin again...was just me getting back to normal
so I don't think I had the extreme reaction that some do when they have
been obese for many years. Not to say everyone does...but I can certainly
see being more overjoyed than myself if it had been a long time or someone
had never been thin. Anyhow, just my 2 cents. Rebecca-265/140..10/03/01
— RebeccaP
January 14, 2004
Although the years have helped a liil with "I don't care WHAT they
think", you know, I think I STILL want to be that teenager I never
was. I think perhaps at 54, that's just a LIL too late, but the
"want" is still there, even if I work on it and work on it. It's
so built in, so well installed and so minutely reinforced by society and
media. Although I rarely see TV, I will see a commercial every now and
then, in which a slender woman is tormented by "those extra
pounds" and encouraged to lose them. I recently found a teen magazine
from the 60's, and the push was for ultra thin then. One really telling lil
side panel thing was a silhouette of a normal woman (think Marilyn Monroe)
as a before, and a very svelte person as the after. You know, most of us
woulda KILLED to look like the before, even in the 60's. But we were taught
that we must conform to the after.
— vitalady
January 14, 2004
I had my surgery 11 months ago. I'm 5'3" and I've gone from 215 to 125
(I was 238 and lost some before surgery). My surgeon's goal was 140 so I've
past his goal. Matter of fact, I got a lecture from him and also the
nutritionist - they don't want me to lose any more. However, when I look at
myself, I still see a fat stomach and fat thighs. I'm fine with the top of
me - but the bottom - ugh! I've always been overweight, so I guess it will
take time for my mind to catch up. Plus, a tummy tuck and thigh lift would
help, but insurance won't pay, so I'm stuck with what I've got. Oh, well
I'm sure in time I will accept what I've got - but I would still like to
lose another 10 pounds.
— kathyb
January 14, 2004
I had my surgery a little over 2 years ago and have been at goal for about
a year and a half. I do find myself wanting to look the best I can.
Wearing the cutest clothes. Deciding which plastic surgery I'm going to do
this year. However, after feeling SOOO bad about myself for SOOO many
years, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm now feeling
good about myself, but I still find there's a need for improvement so why
not improve?
— Patty H.
January 14, 2004
I really honestly don't care what anyone thinks any more. For me that is a
totally unexpected wonderful result of losing all of this weight. I am just
not self conscious anymore. I do look at myself often but even though I do
not see my self as being as thin as I am I am satisfied that I look good. I
wear much more form fitting clothing and now love to wear somewhat more
revealing clothing. Not sleazy but very feminine. If someone were to call
me fat now I would honestly be able to say, "No I am not!!!" and
believe it. I fix my hair and wear makeup everyday and wonder what I was
thinking ever leaving the house in sweats as I did before everyday. I do
not feel self centered just a bit more self satisfied. I have wanted to be
where I am forever and I am really amazed to find that everything that I
thought I would feel as a result of this weight loss has come true. I am
just so much more confident and comfortable as though this is the real me
and the fat was just suffocating my spirit. Too deep? Oh well that is
really how I feel and it is really that dramatic. I fully realize that
anyone who has issues with me now has issues of their own. I used to blame
everything on myself and my fat and now things are just so much clearer to
me now that I cannot fall back on that old one. Life is just so much better
and in every regard. I am a better wife and mother and a more productive
person in general. Lap RnY 1/15/03 277/156/150ish ONE YEAR TODAY!!!
— Carol S.
January 14, 2004
An interesting thing...I care less now about what people think of me. When
I was obese, I tried so hard to fit in. Everything HAD to be perfect.
Everything had to match, be pulled together and look good. Full face of
makeup on, accessories coordinated, etc. Jeez, even my bra and panties had
to match. Now? I just don't care as much. I know I look good. I don't
have to hide behind my 'facade' to make sure that I can be accepted. I am
normal now. I feel more empowered to say 'to hell with you'. I suppose
it's all about self esteem. I have no desire to be a barbie doll. I see
Barbie as fake, manufactured perfection and contrived. I was more like
that as a fat person, trying desperately to be accepted and not ridiculed
for what I looked like by being fake, manufactured and contrived about my
appearance. I guess I've gotten some more self esteem. I'm sitting here
at my desk in scuffed boots, a t-shirt, jeans with a small hole and no
makeup. An you know what? I LOOK GREAT! So take that Barbie!
— LMCLILLY
January 14, 2004
Hadiyah: I love your questions!<p>I honestly feel that I am just a
better version of myself at this point. I "physically feel" so
much better, and to me that is the most important thing. I never really
had that much of a problem with my looks - I knew I was fat by society's
standards, but I still thought I looked pretty darn good! Maybe I was
fooling myself, but even when fat, I loved to dress up, wear makeup, have a
great hairstyle, I always took care of my grooming, etc. I was just raised
that way, I guess. My family never belittled me or made me feel that I was
a lesser person because of being fat. I never saw myself as
"Barbie" and I don't think I ever will. Many people are
commenting on how great I look (after 60 pounds lost), and I like hearing
their comments. But losing this weight does not define me, and I will
never let it define me. I was a wonderful, nuturing, caring, intelligent
woman before WLS - I was who I was a long time before I had surgery.
Everything that's happening to me now because of losing weight is just
"gravy" in my life. I'm enjoying it immensely and feel that my
surgery gave me a chance to live a much more active and healthy lifestyle,
which should help me to live longer and better.<p>Best wishes on your
assignment, and thanks for your thought-provoking questions. Lap RNY
9/11/03, 254/195/???
— Carlita
January 14, 2004
When I first contemplated surgery, I was "surprised" that I was
really a candidate. At 5' 218, I NEVER saw myself as fat, very strange, but
true. I was thin up until my 20's and I think I just always felt thin and
held on to that thought as maybe a protection thing. Now I have tons of
people coming up to me and saying how thin I am and how happy I should be
because I am finally thin. Well, I felt good all along. I didn't realize
everybody thought I looked horrible!
It is only in pictures that I can see such a dramatic change in my size,
both before and now. Sometimes I have to study a picture for a long time to
actually believe it is me!
I am having fun with new clothes and smaller sizes but truthfully, I wear
the same things only smaller. Oh,I did buy a pair of boots with 3"
heels that I would never have worn before. But other than that I wear the
same styles I have always worn.
I don't do fat jokes either and get very vocal about anyone making snide
remarks. That is a very sore spot with me. I have been open about my
surgery and any issues that have come up. I would never recommend the
surgery, I tell everyone I would do it again, but they need to do their own
research and read all that they can find and truly understand what is in
store both physically and mentally. I don't know what I feel about plastic
surgery, I have no hanging skin or rashes or any other complaints, so
should I still persue a breast lift and tummy tuck?!?!?! At 45, maybe, but
then would I be a manufactured Barbie Doll?!?!?!? I will have to think on
that for a while. Until I decide I will be happy where I am now! It's a
wild ride and I am enjoying it!
Judy
Lap RNY 02/13/03 218/137/???
— jpwork00
January 15, 2004
This is a very interesting question and has caused me to stop and think
about myself in a way I have not really previously considered. I do fall
victim to the Barbie Doll Symdrome. I have always wanted to look perfect
and now that I am thin, I still have the same desire. Now, however, I am
much more critical of my appearence than I was when I was 100 pounds over
weight. I had a TT 7 months ago and I am pleased with my flat stomach,
however, now I think that my thighs and neck look horrible and I don't like
to look at them in the mirror. It's crazy! Also, I am very critical of
the appearence of models and people on TV. I am always looking to see if
the suit jacket they are wearing is pulling and maybe a little too tight,
or if their pants are pulling across the hips, etc. I think it must make
me feel better about myself to see people who are hired to be on television
as a spokesperson with little problem areas too!! All in all, however, I
am thrilled with the results I have had since WLS, and i will not have my
thighs lifted. My life is better because I am healthy again, and I feel
good about myself.
— bethjorett
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