Question:
Is anybody else sick of unsolicited help and helpful people?
I am just about fed up with my family trying to help me with this surgery. They begged me not to have the surgery in the first place and they refused to read any material about the surgery. Now that I am losing weight, they are all of a sudden experts. Repremainding me when I eat the wrong thing or when I don't exercise enough. My usual response is "I didn't ask for your advise" they just wait for the next opportunity. Some say they want to feel needed but I don't need them and they are getting on my last bit is sanity. Any suggestions? — Ron T. (posted on July 26, 2003)
July 26, 2003
i fully understand. but i think that what you wrote to us is exactly what
you should say to them. "I am just about fed up with my family trying
to help me with this surgery. They begged me not to have the surgery in the
first place and they refused to read any material about the surgery. Now
that I am losing weight, they are all of a sudden experts. Repremainding me
when I eat the wrong thing or when I don't exercise enough." i think
what you wrote is the most perfect thing to say to them. they may feel
ashamed that they didn't support you in the begining and now want to make
up for it. in a way you are very lucky. there are some people who have
never had support even after their friends and family see that wls was a
good choice for them. let your friends and family know how you feel instead
of waiting to blow up. best of luck to you
— franbvan
July 26, 2003
I've had to deal with this very same issue with some of my family members
too. I've just let them know, as nicely as I could, that I am in control
of my body and I know what is best.
— Terri G.
July 26, 2003
I have to deal with this with a co-worker. She takes it upon herself to
try to monitor everything I eat. And it is NONE of her business what I
eat. I have lost 181 pounds and am maintaining nicely. I ate a piece of
cantaloupe at work the other day and she told me I was going to get fat
again. I blew up and told her that my doctor was pleased with my weight, I
was pleased with my weight, I knew what and how much I could eat and what
did it matter to her anyway.
I hate to be rude, but sometimes, people leave you no choice. And, the
next day, she was right back at it. Some other co-workers and I have
dubbed her the "food police". However, she doesn't pick on just
me - she fusses at one of her supervisors for drinking a coke every day.
Some people just don't get it.
— Patty_Butler
July 26, 2003
I know what you mean, I am tired of the food police... One day at work I
was by my self eating in our lounge ( I usually have a salad with shrimp or
chicken breast. There was a plate on the table of cookies. someone came in
and said "oh my god ! are you eating all this????! I really resented
the question like I don't know what to eat etc. and I resented that I had
to explain once again what I can eat. blah! the dumb questions, whoever
said there is no such thing as a dumb question never had
WLS. Will you be able to eat real food ever again? what do you eat. is it
reversable or are you going to have it reversed when you are done
losing?(who in the hell would want to after losing 110#) will you just keep
losing weight forever? ( hee hee, yes & eventually I'll be the
invisible woman) Do I sound a little crabby? my own son: I ate an ear of
corn on the cob and 1/2 a turkey sausage no bun, off the grill said
"Keep eating like that and you'll get fat again." Thanks, but pre
op it would have been 2-3 ears of corn and a couple sausages on buns.
— **willow**
July 26, 2003
My mom was always supportive of me having surgery. She stayed with me
after I got home. One day I was eating oatmeal with a baby spoon and she
told me to slow down...I replied with some smart*ss comment. Then I
reminded her that nagging me didn't work before surgery and it wasn't going
to work now. She now asks me about what I do during the day and if I'm
exercising but she does it in a polite way and I know her intentions are
good. If other people who have no business commenting on my habits were to
say something to me, I would just politely remind them it's my life and I
know what I'm doing good or bad. And I'm sure I could point out someone
else with a problem they could go bother.
— Sarahlicious
July 26, 2003
Oh my gosh, Willow. You're answers all totally cracked me up! I've weighed
appx 110# for EIGHT years now. (WLS was 9 yrs ago). I've been this wt
longer than I was morbid, longer than any other steady wt in my life. I
know people who have never known me round. And they are still telling me
how to do what I do, as if what I'm doing and have done is not working.
LOL! Once fat, always stupid, I guess, huh?
— vitalady
July 26, 2003
I can relate with your question and these answers. My sister had her
bypass done 2 years before me and my sister in law had hers 1 year before
me. Now, other family members will call and, with good intentions, tell me
they saw so and so eating such and such.... "is that ok? will she get
fat again?" I have to laugh....and, I do remind them they are
sounding a bit like the food nazi! I also assure them that they are doing
wonderful and it is ok to eat an occasional treat, as long as they are
eating healthily....and, they are!
You may want to remind your well wishers that you are not on a diet. You
are making better food choices, however, it is ok for you to eat and
"isn't it great that a bite or two of cookie now satisfies me and not
10 cookies!"
Best of luck to you..
— teresa M.
July 27, 2003
I have enjoyed reading the responses to this post! While I don't have a
great answer for this (when I get bugged about food my reply depends on the
person bothering me), I just try to remember that there is obviously a
wonderful cure for obesity, and we found it, but there is no cure for
a$$holes!
:) Have a great day! -shelli
— kultgirl
July 27, 2003
Ditto, ditto, and, uh, ditto! Everyone is an expert! "you need to take
vitamins if you're gonna eat like that" (YA THINK?) "will you
ever be able to eat normal again?" (well, if I had eaten
"normal" in the first place I wouldn't be here today !) and I
love the one about reversing! (what the #$%@! DUH!!!) (yes, I want to see
how fast I can pile these 80 pounds back on ! it'll be fun!) I ate chili
the other day at work, (it was my first time!) and then the next day I got
sick to my stomach after a protien drink, I think I drank too fast, anyway
a girl at work told people for a week that the chili almost killed me! she
has no clue!-SHILOH 5 MONTHS TODAY! -80#
— SHILOH S.
July 27, 2003
For the first time in many of our lives WE ARE EATING NORMAL! It takes all
kinds to make the world go round. We can have SO much fun with these
people. Play with their minds.
— Ginger M.
July 27, 2003
No one has tried this on me. I would'nt allow it anyway! What I would do is
to say something like this: "When you lose 160 pounds in just a tad
over a years time, I'll take advice from you!" Just substitute your
weight loss and time frame. :)
— Danmark
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