Question:
Okay, I'm looking for feedback on what to tell a new boyfriend....

I just met this amazing guy and while I know that he's sure to be very understanding, I have yet to tell him about my surgery. I am going on six months post-op. We've only known each other 2 weeks, but have become quick friends and very close (it just feels right...hard to explain, never felt like this before (as corny as that sounds)). Recently he's noticed that I don't eat much (I keep making the mistake of ordering soup when we go out to eat, which~for whatever reason~seems to be served in GIANT CAULDRONS! (or so they seem to me) and I can't eat but what appears to be a few bites). I've wanted to tell him, but the timing just hasn't been right (we've been surrounded by friends and I couldn't just blurt it out). I'm starting to think he's wondering if I have an eating disorder or that I'm a closet eater because I eat so little in comparison to everyone else...! I'm posting this asking for some feedback or suggestions on how to approach this with him. Again, I'm certain he'll be understanding and I think it's more my own hang-up about how to explain my motivation for taking the step to better my life. Any thoughts? You guys are so appreciated. Thanks.    — Karen K. (posted on March 10, 2003)

March 9, 2003
Just tell him what I tell people who I meet. "Can you believe that 7 months ago I was over 300 pounds?" They say no and then I show them a picture. That brings up the topic and I go from there. They tell me how great I look and ask questions about how I feel and what I eat and there is no bias. If you tell him, you won't have to spend the money on the soup. Just eat off of his plate. He won't miss it. You'll still be a cheap date. :~) Have fun!
   — [Deactivated Member]

March 9, 2003
OKAY HERE IS WHAT I WOULD DO, I WOULD INVITE HIM OVER TO YOUR HOUSE FOR DINNER JUST THE TWO OF YOU. MAKE SOMETHING YOU CAN EAT OF COURSE. THEN TELL HIM WHY YOU CAN'T EAT SO MUCH. IF HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU THEN HE WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU NEED TO CLEAR THE AIR NOW. BE HONEST WITH HIM. YOU DON'T WANT TO LET IT GO ON AND ON BECAUSE THEN HE WILL WONDER WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM SOONER. GOOD LUCK.
   — CHRISTY F.

March 10, 2003
When I met my boyfriend, he made dinner for me and I told him I eat a lot of small meals thoughout the day. I think I told him about the surgery 2 dates later and he said he'd already figured it out. It's so popular nowadays that most savvy folks can recognize it. We're going on 10 months now. I've lost 40 pounds since I met him and am at goal. Good luck!
   — Kimberly L.

March 10, 2003
Karen - I wouldn't make it into some "big confession" scenario, or make it sound like you were hiding something from him. Remember, as relationships grow you learn about each other.And, that comes with time....you don't learn everything about someone overnight. When the time is right, you will share that part of you with him. Good luck, and congratulations on you phenomenal success!
   — teresa M.

March 10, 2003
Well, if it were me in that situation, I would tell him up front. I wouldn't want to seem like I would be keeping anything from him. Just tell him. Don't wait. I think that being up front and letting him know will strengthen your relationship. Good luck! Daphine
   — Daphine C.

March 10, 2003
Hi, Karen! I'm happy for you that you've met such a nice guy! I would wait until it's just the two of you. When you're having one of those "getting to know you better" conversations, that might be the best time to tell him. You could start out by telling him that you've been focusing on your diet and exercise regimen, and then relate that you've been successful for the past six months, since you had WLS. I'm guessing he will be just fine with it, and that he'll simply be happy that it's working so well for you. If you're really getting into a heavy conversation about your personal histories, etc., then you may want to talk about your motivation for having this. Otherwise, I think it will all just work itself out in time. Don't fret too much about what he's thinking about you at this point. Obviously, he's liking what he sees and hears. Have fun and enjoy!
   — Carlita

March 10, 2003
After a few weeks of dating, and being unsure if I should tell Dave of my surgery, I did divulge the information. I felt that if he would make an assumption of me based on my surgery, then we were meant to be together. I feel that truth is the only way to go. You know when it is right to tell him. If now does not feel like the time, and he is curious, he will ask you. When you are comfortable to tell him, then you will. Personally, I would not keep this from him indefinately. Good luck to you.
   — twenc

March 10, 2003
just tell him....no biggy!
   — Deanna Wise

March 10, 2003
Hey Karen. Just tell him hun. If he cant accept it, then oh well. I know I know treat my surgery like its my child, its been the most important thing to me, and I don't keep it a secret. People have their opinions, but oh well, their opinions cant change how good I am feeling nowadays. So if you two are as close and lovey dovey and you say, I dont think he will have a problem with it. I hope I helped! 6.5 Months PostOP -130 lbs!
   — Shavonne P.

March 10, 2003
Just come out and tell him. Just say it. If he can't deal with it, better to find out now rather than when you are more emotionally invested. I think anyone with any sense would respect someone for taking such a positive step for themselves.
   — M. B.

March 10, 2003
It was a while before I told my boyfriend. When I did tell him, he said he had thought that might be it. I didn't make a big deal of it, just said I'd had surgery to lose weight a couple years before. It was no big deal to him. I had told him much earlier that I used to be very heavy. I was probably dating him 2 or even 3 months before I told him about the surgery. We share our food all the time now; yes, I AM a cheap date! :)
   — Kathy W.

March 15, 2003
No one I've told about my surgery ever thinks badly about me because of it. Generally, they're just fascinated (Does it work? How do you feel? Are you glad you did it? etc.) If someone comments that I don't eat much, I either say I'm not a big eater (if they're a casual acquaintance) or if I know them better I say, Oh I had a gastric bypass.... I don't eat much anymore. It's no big deal to anyone, other than peoples' fascination with the procedure.
   — Kathy J.

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