Question:
How far ahead of surgery do you tell a 5 yr old about it?
I have a good idea of what I want to tell him initially (but am open to suggestions). I don't know if I should tell him a couple of months ahead or just a couple of days ahead. Giving him a couple of months will either worry him or give him time to ask questions. Telling him a few days before may not be enough time for me and his dad to reassure him. I should also include this info. I will be out of town for a week for my surgery and my son will not be seeing me at all in the hospital. My husband and son will be home going to work and school trying to keep the normal routines. What if I have complications and am a wreck? How do I explain to a 5 yr old? You know something, I'm not at all worried about having wls. I've been in the medical system for over 2 years with this and have read all that I can find, belong to several local support groups and I'm as ready as I'll ever be. The only thing I'm worried about is how my going into the hospital for major surgery will affect my son. Mary Ann in Ontario, Canada — mary ann T. (posted on January 16, 2003)
January 16, 2003
Hi Mary Ann, Congratulations on your upcoming surgery! I told my five year
old son 2 days before surgery. I feel that 2 months to them is a VERY long
time. Too much time for him to worry about something he cannot possibly
understand. This is what I said: Momma is going away to the hospital for
an operation to make my tummy feel better. Daddy will be here with you. I
will be away a few nights so I put my nightgown that I wore last night on
your pillow so you can still feel close to me. He loved that. I also
wrote letters in case of the unexpected explaining a little more detail.
Best wishes to you!
— Kim B
January 16, 2003
I, too, have young children and was gone out of town for a week when I had
my surgery in September. I started talking about it a couple of weeks prior
to surgery, making it sound like a fun adventure they were going to be
having when Grandma came to stay with them. I told them I was going to have
an operation to make me feel better and that everything was going to be
just fine. They were able to call me when they wanted and it really worked
out okay, although I was very apprehensive, as are you. I wanted them to
know that once I came home from surgery things would be different, as far
as what, and how much I was eating. I never, ever mentioned my surgery as
being for my appearance or anything like that, solely for health reasons,
and the funny thing is neither child has mentioned the fact that Mommy
seems to have shrunk lol.
— Samantha S.
January 16, 2003
I have 2 chidren (ages 10 & 5), I've already told both of them, and I
don't even have a date scheduled yet. They are both very excited about
having a "new & improved" mommy, so to speak. My 5 y.o. tells
people that when mommy gets "skinny" she is going to ride bikes
w/ us, and play at the park w/ us, etc..She is just so enthusiastic about
it!! My 10 y.o. asked if I could die from this, and well, I told him the
truth...YES, it is possible, but I could also die from being obese. All
children are different. I think if you know your child well enough then
you'll know whether or not they can handle being told sooner or later.
— Cat S.
January 16, 2003
Mary Ann, when I had my surgery last year, my children were 3 & 5. I
told them several months ahead of time that I was thinking about the
surgery. They knew (as much as you can at those ages) about my struggle
with losing weight. The months between the consultation and surgery
allowed them to ask questions - which they did. About a two weeks before
surgery, I sat down with both of them to talk about any questions that had.
They were really worried about me being away from home and that they
wouldn't have their mommy at night. I asked them what would make them feel
better, who they'd like to stay with, etc., and they felt a little more in
control of their circumstances. In addition, I explained how they'd be
able to hug me after the surgery due to my incision, etc. They were very
understanding. Everything went really smoothly. The only thing that I
would have changed would be them visiting me in the hospital. They came on
my second evening to say hi, but I was not doing very well (not to mention
I looked even worse) and they could sense that and cried and wanted to go
home. If I had that to do all over again, I'd wait until I was back home
for them to see me--I'd just talk to them over the phone. I think a
child's reaction has much to do with how the parent approaches the
situation. Both my husband and I as well as our extended families were
very open and positive about the surgery and as a result, I think our
children were, too. Your idea on keeping his usual routine is really good.
That helped my kids, too. Best of luck on your surgery.
— lezawomack
January 16, 2003
My kids were 5 and 7 at the time of my surgery, and I kept it as brief as
possible. There was never any mentioning of 'fat' or 'skinny', only
'healthy'. I told them that I was going to the hospital to have a surgery
to make me healthier. They did know that it would be a surgery to 'fix my
stomach'. They asked a few basic questions, then became bored with the
subject. I always projected a positive attitude when talking about it, and
they never worried. Maybe they felt my excitement. There was never any
talk of gloom and doom, or how dangerous surgery could be, etc. Keep it on
a positive note, stay brief and vague, and if they want to know more, they
will ask. Try to even keep your answers brief. Kids don't need that kind
of worry in their young lives. Congrats on starting a wonderful journey!
— Cheri M.
January 17, 2003
Hi there. I think it depends alot on how your kids react to news. Do they
like to be prepared for new situations or do they stress if they know too
far in advance? My children were 5 and 2 when I had the surgery. I
explained that mommy was having a boo boo fixed in her tummy to help her
get healthier. I let them know about a month in advance and then reminded
them occasionally. I also explained that I would be gone in the hospital
for a couple days and that when I came back, I would not be able to pick
them up or rough house with them for a while. My husband and I even taught
our 2 year old how to climb up on a chair to get in and out of his crib
since I couldn't lift him. They handled it wonderfully! They were so sweet
once I came home too by helping out and "taking care" of mommy.
Good luck to you!
— Leah H.
January 17, 2003
Hi Mary Ann, I agree with the other poster who stated that you know your
child best and you will know when to tell them, just realize that after all
of the adults talking about WLS this may not be a surprise to your child.
My children are 6 and 10 and both had already figured out that I was going
to have surgery, long before I choose to tell them. Kids are just way to
smart for me :)
— Marcy S.
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