Question:
Grandpa Hurt My Feelings

Just last week, I visited my grandparents who live across the country from me. Last time they saw me, I was 407 lbs. I have since lost nearly 200 lbs. and am now at 214, about 24 lbs. from my goal weight (I am quite tall). While visiting them, my grandpa actually had the nerve to say, "So is this all the weight you're going to be losing, or do you still plan to lose more?" I was extremely hurt by his comment, since I feel like I have accomplished SO much. (I wear a size "Large" or approximately a size 16 and at nearly 5'10" look slightly overweight but not chubby in my opinion.) Should I just laugh this off as an insensitive comment made by a 75 year-old man in a moment of dementia, or do you think I really should be obsessing about this last 24 lbs. I need to take off????    — Terissa R. (posted on October 27, 2002)

October 27, 2002
I think you answered your own question. I'm glad you feel good about the progress you've made -- I I think you're doing great! Seems there are always people saying "dumb" things to us -- shrugging it off keeps the power away from them and with us. Good luck.
   — Marti R.

October 27, 2002
I know it is hard when a family memeber, especially the elders, makes comments like that. My grandmother does it all the time but not to make me feel bad but to try to "help" me. If I was you, I would laugh it off. You have had a HUGE success and remember sometimes elders speak their mind before they think!
   — Debbie W.

October 27, 2002
Terissa - you have done a fantastic job!! I wouldn't put any stock in your grandpa's insensitive remark...JR
   — John Rushton

October 27, 2002
Yes, just laugh it off --as a comment from a 75-year-old-man! He knows not what he sayeth... :-)
   — Barbara B.

October 27, 2002
Hon, maybe he didnt mean it the way it sounded? people are under the impression that this surgery turns us into barbie and we shed every single ouces of weight needed within a years time. I am thinking he didnt mean it in a cruel way (JMO)....You are doing fabulous and I bet he knows that too!!
   — Deanna Wise

October 27, 2002
Most definitely laugh it off! As people get older they tend to say things that they don't mean. Some say as people get in to their 70's and 80's they revert to childhood and say things that a child would say. 24 lbs. is peanuts! Don't worry about it....if it doesn't go away, it doesn't go away.....ask yourself how you feel! That's the important thing....and it doesn't hurt to look in the mirror and know how good you look!
   — Lynette B.

October 27, 2002
I suspect you're being oversensitive. To me, that question doesn't sound like a slam at all to what you've already accomplished. Just a simple question of whether you're done or whether you plan to lose more.
   — sandsonik

October 27, 2002
The reason some of us are oversensitive is because we grew up in an environment of veiled criticisms. But we can definitely overcome it. There will always be some initial reactions of hurt, but then you learn to think it away.
   — faybay

October 27, 2002
Terissa--dont worry about Grandpa's words...different generation, different mindset. Your weight loss is AWESOME!!! You should be soooo proud of yourself!!!! Way to go girl!!!!! :o)
   — Bambi C.

October 28, 2002
Terissa- I would not worry about your Grandpa's comments. When I saw my grandmother for the first time after surgery she said, "Well, your belly isn't as big as it used to be is it?" At first I was dumb struck. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was just her way of saying that she noticed my weight loss. So now instead of getting caught up in what she says, I try to keep in mind the meaning behind the message.
   — Jenny S.

October 28, 2002
I know what you mean when comments like Grandpa's stick. We are soooo proud of how far we have come (and you have come such a long way) that we think all comments should be glowing praise (at least thats what I expect!). My husband always manages to get in a zinger. For instance,I heard this one over the weekend, "Those jeans look good on you. They'll look even better when your hips are smaller" Grrrr....
   — Cindy R.

October 28, 2002
Hi Teresa. For what it's worth you are an inspiration to me and many others on this site and I am sure you will make it to your goal. I don't think grandpa meant to be mean, but unfortunately being buried under layers of fat for so long softened many of our skins up to the extent that we often hear things with more "juice" behind them than was ever intended. Don't know if that makes sense or not, but thanks for asking this question...
   — rebeccamayhew

October 28, 2002
Terissa, I wouldn't worry about this comment too much. I think you should just take it at "face value" that he was just curious if you had planned to lose more weight or not, that's all. When I lost a lot of weight on Optifast a decade ago, I would get all freaked out if someone asked me "are you still losing weight?" or "are you going to lose any more?" I would think that they meant that I still looked fat, but then they would say "because you look fine now! You don't need to lose any more!" So don't worry about it, Sweetie. Ole Grandpa's just being a grandpa! :o)
   — Joyce C.

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