Question:
Before surgery, I used food to cope. Now that's impossible.

I am finding nowadays that I am "searching" for something else to help me cope. I sometimes am successful using exercise, but that doesn't always do the trick. I feel like, in some ways, I have lost my best friend ... I know this surgery was the best thing in the world for me, but now I feel a little lost. Anybody have suggestions regarding alternate coping mechanisms once someone has sworn off overeating? I don't want to take up smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. I am looking for healthy ideas for increasing my quality of life and ability to deal.    — Terissa R. (posted on March 29, 2002)

March 29, 2002
I'm preop, but I am worried about going through the same thing. Food makes me so happy (or sad if I don't get it, lol)! But I try to think about all of the things that I would love to do again, or do for the first time and it's so exciting. I loved playing raquetball with my fellow-uncoordinated girlfriends. I'd like to go roller blading again (haven't done that since I was like 8!). I've never been kyaking (sp?) or sailing. I want to swim like I used to! I would like to go white water rafting too for a vacation! I want to snorkle in the Keys, there is so much to be done! I agree that getting on the old-tredmill or stationary bike gets old fast. I think being outside or just changing it up helps a lot. It also helps me to exercise with friends because you can chat away the hours. You have had some amazing weight-loss (congrats!!), and perhaps as you lose more, more active options will come up. I the meantime (that is after I have surgery, before I can do all of these fun things) I will be getting therapy because I know I'll be boo-hooing over pasta, bread, and other carb-licious items (my best friend, no doubt). Most of us have learned very bad coping mechanisms over our lives, but psychologists can often help us find new, healthy ones. So ditto to the previous poster. Good luck! :)
   — [Deactivated Member]

March 29, 2002
Boy is this truly hitting me! I have had more anxiety and angst and stress in this past month than ever! And I finally realized that it was because I couldn't eat my way out of my problems. Knowing that made me feel better temporarily. But it is hard. Alcohol, drugs or smoking aren't even an option for me so I am forced to face my issues head on. I do a lot of deep breathing and have talked to my friends a lot. I'm going to get back into journalling. I also pray for 10 minutes every morning and believe me I truly ask for God's help in coping with my issues and helping to make them smaller. My mood swings are just ridiculous! I will probably make an appt next week to see the psychiatrist from my surgeon's office just as a check in. I am 9 mos post and thought I wouldn't go thru the anxiety thing but here it is! Exercise does help too. But mainly for me is talking to friends and trying to rationalize my problems so that I know they're not as big as they really seem. Just writing this is helping me to feel better. Good luck and God Bless!
   — Kimberly L.

March 29, 2002
What about yoga or meditation? I am thinking of trying these. Good luck finding something.
   — A. S.

March 29, 2002
OA really helps. Also, find your Bible and start thumbing through it. It will give you peace like you would never have imagined.
   — Debra G.

March 29, 2002
Hi Terissa, Your very wise to be asking this question. I'm a therapist pre-op and concerned about this same issue in myself. I would suggest a couple of things... one allow yourself time to grieve your loss of food, don't fight it, maybe get a counselor to talk about this with... food has so many meanings in our society. In addition, something I'm doing is trying now to find something else to do with my hands in stressful or down time... I've taken up crocheting.. I can't get and crochet at the same time. You could try knitting... both are mindless once you get the hang of it and for me at times eating is mindless. I'm also wondering about gardening, real hands on things... I think the suggestion for meditation and Yoga was also a good idea. If you have pets play with them. I think once you put some of things into practice, allow yourself to grieve you should be able to shift your current coping! Good luck and I'd love an update on how you are doing.
   — psychdoc B.

March 29, 2002
I'm in exactly the same place as you are! I'm seeing a therapist weekly, planning my new flower garden, cleaning my house, redecorating, going through old boxes I've never unpacked from past moves, and - believe it or not - I'm trying out all kinds of new recipes! I figure that if I'm not going to eat much, I want what I eat to be really high quality and tasty!
   — Kathy J.

March 29, 2002
I find myself in the same position as you. Food was always there happy, sad, or just blah. I now keep a journal and document for myself how i'm feeling. It helps me maybe it would help you? just a thought. good luck debbie
   — deborah D.

March 29, 2002
I can relate to your anguish as a pre-op, as the loss and deprivation was probably why I could never sustain a diet for more than 6 months and the primary reason why I knew I would not be able to sustain a RNY lifestyle. I also had those feelings for the first 6 months post-op, when I had that yucky "everything I eat or drink tastes like crap". It took a good 6 months before I took satisfaction in most of what I ate and really enjoyed the taste of food. However, as a 2 1/2 year Post Op BPD/DS patient this has all shaken out in a miraculously satisfactory way. By a year post-op, all my old favorites were calling my name again (as I knew from 25 yrs of dieting that they would) and since I was close to goal and had faith in my surgery, I ANSWERED THE CALL. DS patients have no dietary restrictions (except like all WLS patients, to get adequate protein and vitamin/mineral supplementation) so I gradually allowed myself to eat ALL my old favorites, just as I did pre-op. The Hershey's Kisses are in the nightstand, the butters in the the mashed potatoes, the Hollandaise will be on the asparagus for Easter. Life is GOOD! Since I don't absorb and can't regain (believe me, I've tested this) I have been able to develop a neutral attitude toward food and eating and no longer characterize specific foods as good/bad and have totally dropped the dieting mentality. Talk about a mental health break -- being able to eat GUILT FREE! Since I have given myself permission to eat whatever I want and since there are no adverse effects from any food for us (like weight gain), I no longer feel COMPELLED to eat. Pre-op, once I opened the designated binge food (box of cookies, bag of chips, candy bar, etc.) there was NO WAY I could stop before every last cookie was eaten. No longer true. At this moment I have opened boxes of donuts, candy, cookies, ice cream and I eat what and when I want, w/o my former fervor. This may also be due to the fact that my smaller stomach modifies the amount I can eat, but I think that having permission to eat what I want takes away the compulsion to eat. I have given eating issues much thought (as we all have) during the last 25 years and for me, I no longer consider my eating, previous MO status, or attraction to fats and chocolate as a psychological issue. For me, I saw that there was no connection initially when I was on phen/fen and lost 100 lbs. It suddenly occurred to me then, that if a pill could take away my desire to overeat, my ISSUES must be organic/chemical -- not psyological. This has been reconfirmed again as a DS post-op who has freedom with food. IMHO my ISSUES, and most/many MO people would find that the root of their MO is based in biology/satiation imbalances -- but the medical research is not there yet, so we must rely on WLS and be thankful that while they don't know the cause of MO, at least we have a cure! I know that all these comments are not helpful to people who haven't chosen DS surgery, but I throw them out for those who are still in the planning stage, as well as to offer empathy to those who do have to continue to struggle with dieting and restriction. I have a good WLS friend (RNY) who has these same issues and continues with the same previously mentioned solutions -- therapy, exercise, etc. She is putting herself in financial crisis now as she has become a QVC/HSN shopping addict -- believe me, she doesn't need the Mix Master and all the cooking/baking equipment as a single woman who now has a tiny pouch. Clearly she feels deprived and is trying to replace her eating with SOMETHING. Step one, when the truck arrived this week, she just paid the shipping and handling fees and returned all the merchandise. I feel so sorry that she is still dealing with deprivation and loss issues, and simultaneously feel such relief that my own are over. Jill, lap BPD/DS, 360/175, bmi 51/24 and holding for over a year there.
   — Jill L.