Question:
Any post-op whose life did NOT improve?
— Virginia N. (posted on October 24, 2003)
October 24, 2003
I am only 4 weeks post, but i felt the need to answer this question.take
one look at hollywood, many beautiful stars.gorgous figures, lots of money.
Look how many divorces there are. Many of them alchohlics, substance abuse
ect....thin is not the way to a better life, it just brings up the quality
of life. the greatest things happen to those who change their
insides....and weightloss surgery, makes u really look at alot of things
especially how much food has ruled our lives.so yes if one does not work on
themselves no their wife will not get better. can you be warm to a person
if they are a bag before surgery and still are afterwards. no. If one has a
terriable marriage sometimes weightloss helps with self esteem,and helps
them walk away. but sometimes it does not.me myself i find so many things i
need to work on , on the inside, and amount of weightloss will change
that...i need to do the work...and depression is often physical, a chemical
imballance in the brain...often the only thing that helps is
medication.remember you are a special person, with much more power than u
realize you have the power to make your life better...sometimes u just need
support.
Hugs Dawn
— sweetdarling_ab
October 24, 2003
I am a year post op. I was waiting for that magical transformation that you
are talking about and am still waiting. The only thing I realized is how
BORING my life was before and I am starting to be more sociable and for
this reason, I am very happy. As far as work goes, I work for a huge
company and get high praises and promotions and raises, but I still feel
like 'ha! I've got everyone fooled!'. I just still don't believe in my
abilities and am still my own worst enemy. I have to work on this. I was
told that the only thing that WLS helps is your weight. The rest of the
work is up to us.
— Yolanda J.
October 24, 2003
Not sure what you are trying to do- making me own up to the fact that I am
home most weekends! and that I still must take my anti-depressants! and I
am STILL unmotivated! and that I don't exercise, and that I am lame at
following the "diet plan", and that I didn't win any awards, and
that I receieved no promotions. I guess I am the only one? Thanks for
rubbing it in! However, some very nice things have happened that have
somewhat improved my dull life: I was able to have a baby after surgery
which was nice (but lead to those at home Saturday nights)..... So, was
WLS the "end all"...NO. But HEAVENS, it still helped my life in
general! I am happier with having it, (and my child) than how I was
before.... before I was just a depressed lump. Now, I am a less depressed,
less lumpy lump....who is not afriad to be seen in public, and sometimes
even likes herself.
— Karen R.
October 24, 2003
I am 10 months post op. You want to hear the bad stuff that happens after
surgery. I will tell you mine. I lost my supposedly best friend because
she felt the need to tell everyone my secret. My secret being my surgery.
She felt this need because I was wearing clothes smaller than she. My
sister and sister-in-law won't talk to me very much. They avoid me because
I am smaller than they. You just start eating a meal and poof your done.
You sometimes miss the quanity of food you used to eat. Yes I slip up and
eat things I shouldn't. Dumping isn't that bad. It's like getting a
spanking when you do something wrong. Once you learn, you don't do it
again. I have changed jobs twice in ten months, yes my relationship with my
husband is the best ever, yes I love to exercise. All my improvements are
because my self esteem has increased so much. It increased because I am
finally able to control the one thing I always wanted to. It's like
climbing Mt. Everest or being the first man on the moon. It was just as
hard for me to lose weight as it was for someone to climb Mt. Everest. AND
I FINALLY CAN DO IT!! When you finally love and believe in yourself,
things do change. It doesn't matter if it's because you lose weight or
what. It's all in the attitude.
— june22
October 24, 2003
My life is pretty much the same. People are nicer in general to me...I'm no
longer "invisible". Marriage is the same, and was always a good
one. Work is more or less the same. I'm dealing with the mundain sameness.
I'm not ambitious...always blamed it on my weight...still not ambitious.
I've discovered that fun to me ment "what will we have to eat when we
get there", now that I can't do *that* anymore, I'm finding that I
just don't find anything fun...I guess at 33 I'm trying to figure out and
find out how to enjoy myself without stuffing food in my face, and I'm
having a very difficult time doing that. Sure, I travel, go out, shop, go
to the gym, movies, fairs, festivals, parties, etc...but none of it is
enjoyable to me...pretty pathetic and sad I think. I always thought I had
"fun" at these events...but it was actually...I had a great time
eating...now what? Wls is great, I would rather get hit by a bus then be
that big again, but man, I look at a heavy girl now and think...lucky girl
can eat whatever she wants...scary thought, huh? -Kim open RNY 7/17/01
282/140/125
— KimBo36
October 24, 2003
Interesting question. Being signed onto this website, I'm going to assume
you've done your research with respect to all the mechanics, mundane
details of the surgery. At 13-months post op and 118 lbs lighter, I can
share with you some of the "light bulb" moments which I've
experienced along the way:
- all the problems/aggravations in my life haven't disappeared because I am
now thin
- the secret to losing weight is that there is No secret. I apply the same
principles that I have in other weight loss programs. The difference THIS
time is that I have an extra physical tool which serves as a huge
motivational stop point for me.
- Persistence and consistency will win in the long-term
- The "journey" is NOT all about the scale numbers.
- This is not a race...this is for the rest of my life.
Here's the real deal. As we begin to lose weight, feel motivated to really
embark upon an exercise program, see real results, our sense of personal
power sky rockets, which carries over to other areas of our lives. When we
feel a sense of power and HOPE, we can make many positive changes in our
lives. Ultimately, however, this journey is whatever you make it. It's up
to you to exercise that power which you buried so long ago. YES YES YES,
you can re-claim your (healthy) life.
— Kimberly L. A.
October 24, 2003
You left out the part where she wins a multimillion dollar lottery to pay
for all her new clothes! (Well, I'm still waiting for that part, anyway.)
:-P<P>Hmmmm. My life is definitely improved post-op in the sense
that I feel a lot better without all the extra weight making me tired and
hurting my feet and depressing me and making my health increasingly crappy.
But, I can honestly say that not one friend or family member or co-worker
treats me any differently now that I'm 140 pounds lighter; they've been
very supportive and nice with their comments, but I don't feel there's been
any fundamental change in any of my relationships over the weight. Maybe
it's because I've lived in "both" worlds, obese and thin, before
(being a dramatic yo-yo dieter for over 30 years will do that), so maybe
not much changed because I didn't feel deeply transformed by the weight
loss, just, thankfully!!!, much lighter and healthier. I'm not really
sure. I know the weight loss didn't make me any more decisive about all
the stuff I was always maddeningly indecisive about before, like men (sooo
much trouble, lol), or what I want to be when I grow up (despite having 20
years' worth of pretty good assignments in my line of work). I think WLS
can give you energy and license to make a lot of changes you might not have
had the will to make before, but it's not the magic 8-ball for everyone.
:-)
— Suzy C.
October 24, 2003
Sorry, it's another happily-ever-after. Here's the good, the bad, and the
ugly. I'll start with the ugly: I had two major complications, the first
one was about 3 mos. out--I had to have an endoscopy--read my profile, no
big deal. 2) The second one was life-threatening and
out-of-the-blue-unanticipaed. Internal intestinal hernia. Advice: Stop
eating, get to the hospital ASAP, make them give you an MRI, and push that
you've had a gastric bypass. If I didn't advocate for myself, they would
have sent me home with "food poisoning." This is what Barry Gibbs
died of, don't stop until you feel better. Emergency surgery is the only
answer for this.
The bad: I miss food quantity. I am two and a half years out. I can only
eat small amounts at a time. You CAN out-eat the surgery if you consume
high-calorie liquids. If you start doing this, get psychiatric help. You
probably needed it before, it's imparative you get it now. You did not go
through all this surgery to be fat again. Other bads: the loose skin still
makes you feel fat. It will (realistically, and in California, cost $100K
in plastic surgery after you have lost the weight to make you look
"normal." No one tells you this, and some insurances will pay for
an abdominalplasty, but mostly only if you were over 400 lbs to start with
and can prove medical necessity. Find a plastic surgeon who does a
"high tension abdominalplasty" it's the only way to deal with our
kind of skin. If you're ove 40, had kids, or have bad skin, anticipate an
abdominalplasty, a thigh lift, a lower body lift, a brachioplasty, a face
lift, and a mastoplexy. Just to look normal. Otherwise, you're relegated to
a life of wearing long sleeves, masking your pannus, pulling up your face
and neck, and watching your arms waddle when you write. People just do not
tell you enough about this. It's a shame.
Now the good, and believe me, it weighs all the bad and the uglies.
You will be able to walk. Easily. Without getting tired. You can work 40
hours a week and still be able to go to the gym and excersize, do your
housework, help your kids, and do some community service, all without
feeling like your body is going to give out. Just BREATHING is different.
You find yourself running. It's totally amazing. Even 2 1/2 years out I
amaze myself at the things I can do. I can walk a whole mile at lunch time
and have a half an hour left over to eat my lunch.
It's fun buying clothes. Don't spend too much until you're about 2-2 1/2
years out. You're going to hit your lowest weight, and then you'll re-gain
about 10%. Michelle Curran calls it "butt be back," which is
pretty accurate, but I like to call it "your body adjusting to your
new self and becoming comfortable in its own skin." My lowest was 127,
my stable weight now is 140. I wish I was 115, but apparently my body
doesn't listen to me. I am still withing the "normla" end for my
height, although I wish it were lower.
Another reality. You're going to have to excersize. As part of your life. I
know you hate it, so do I. Get it over with each day. Dr.'s say 3x a week.
You are loosing weight and muscle goes first. Keep your muscle up and your
lower weight will look better. I do curves 4x a week. I don't consider it a
great workout, but it get's the job done. If you want something better, go
to a club and hire a personal trainer. But don't decieve yourself, you're
going to need plastic surgery in most cases. Be prepared, it hurts like HE
double hockey sticks. Way more than the RNY to start with. But I think it's
because they're playing with your muscles....the other things
(brachioplasty, mastoplexy, etc) do not play with your muscles, so they
shouldn't be as painful.
Now let me give you a specific antidote. For 17 years I worked at a major
California newspaper. I never was promoted during that time although I did
the work of a manager. I guess I didn't look the part.
I took off 5 years to raise my children, and it's during that time that I
lost all the weight.
Well guess what? I was recently re-hired (children grew up--darn kids) in a
capacity I always worked, but at 50% more pay. I truly think that if I
presented myself as heavy, I would not have had this job. My boss couldn't
believe it when I showed him pics. People I worked with for 20 years didn't
recognize me.
It feels great. Go for it. Happily ever after IS the reality.
— sandieguy
October 25, 2003
Are we missing the picture here? The REASON to have surgery is not to have
the things listed. There's no gaurantee that it will be happily ever after
for all the post-ops in all areas of our lives. You'll hear lots of people
on here say that they operate on our stomachs, not our minds! This surgery
is to improve your health. If a post-ops emotional and social life gets
better, then HEY! that's a great bonus! We should be looking at what
health problems would be solved if a good bit of weight is lost? If
someone is half way compliant, you will lose enough weight to correct or at
least improve your health issues and comorbidities. I think if that's our
goal, then we have a much better chance of being satisfied with this
surgery. So for me personally, my health problems have gone away. I'm
thrilled with that and my QUALITY of life has improved tremendously. But
it's the same life I had before. I liked it then (it was just really hard
physically), and I like it now too!
— mom2jtx3
October 25, 2003
I appreciated many of the answers you recieved to this question, and agree
wholeheartedly with most of them. It's interesting - my life has improved
markedly since I've become thin (and I am finally able to acknowledge
that!) but I have also gained a whole new set of issues, especially in the
realm of men...Stuff that I haven't necesisarily been equipped to deal
with, since I spent so many years just outside of the normal range...Bottom
line, I prefer life on this side; at least I am fully engaged and
participating in life, warts and all.
— rebeccamayhew
October 26, 2003
I will be 2 years post-op next week. I can tell you that my life is
definately different then before. I'm thin, I look better, I feel better,
I feel better about myself. However, it doesn't mean that WLS solved all
my problems. I'm single and have been on a TON of dates. While I attract
more men then before, I still haven't met anyone who I really want to spend
quality time with. I thought I would find Mr. Right IMMEDIATELY since now
I was thin. Well that has NOT been the case. While I can now get a date
when I want, it's the quality of the date that has been lacking. Now that
I'm thin, I've found that I want a man whose physically attractive and fit
(height/weight proportionate). When I was fat, I overlooked those kind of
"flaws". That might sounds shallow, but I don't think it is. I
work out several times a week and keep my weight and eating under control
and I want the same in a potential partner. So that means I'm now a LOT
more picky then I was before, therefore making it harder to find the
"right" person. WLS is not a cure all for being lonely or
depressed and while your life can change for the better, there's no
guarantee it will. Personally, my life is much better now and I would
still have surgery again.
— Patty H.
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