Question:
What to tell???

AS a minister, I am struggling with what I need to say to my congregation in regards to WLS. I have read where many choose not to tell co-workers / family / friends/ etc. My life is in the public spotlight. I want to be totally honset with it all. I guess I am just struggling with how to approach the subject. Any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated. Thanks    — Gary F. (posted on October 7, 2002)

October 7, 2002
I am sure you have thought and prayed a lot about this surgery. I think since you are a minister, your congregation will be supportive of you. Just remember, whatever your faith is, honest is always the best policy. I am sure it will be hard-but maybe you can work it into a sermon and use you surgery and life changing event as an example. Be sure to let them know you are free to talk about this later as you will want them to talk to you not about you. Good luck!!!
   — Jan S.

October 7, 2002
I would bring it up to the whole congregation (maybe as an announcement at the end of service) by starting off with ..."our bodies are the temple of God and we are supposed to take care of them. I have found a way through surgery that will enable me to be a healthier person than I am now & I request your prayers on my behalf as I will be having gastric by-pass surgery on _________ day."
   — Lindsey S.

October 7, 2002
My surgery ended up with life & death complications. God brought me thru the year and a half nightmare and many what I call "miracles" took place throughtout my entire ordeal. Because of all the things that God did to help me thru this, my pastor wanted me to share my testimony with my congregation. This was really hard for me cause I did not want my church knowing that I even had this surgery. So I first had to settle with myself that it was ok with God at the decision I made to have the surgery. Next I had to settle it in my heart that I needed to be up front and honest with everyone because if I lied or was not completely honest, it would eventually come out because I beleive, especially as a church leader, that God exposes all untruths eventually, especially to the sheep of the fold. So how I approached it was...that I chose a radical way of losing my weight because I am a radical person, and that "I" needed a radical way to help me with self control and I tried all other avenues including prayer. And that I wanted more self control over my eating habits, and that even though self control is a fruit of the spirit that comes from God, that I needed the extra help, and now post bypass, I still have to exercise self control, and still need God's help to do it. But the surgery has given me that extra tool to help me and God take control over the weight problem. That is my view of it all. I found that my fellow brothers and sisters in the church received me with open arms and were so blessed to hear how God changed my life thru the choice of the surgery.
   — Karla K.

October 7, 2002
Is there any reason you would hesitate to tell your friends/family/congregation that you need life-saving surgery? That's what this was to me, and I saw no reason to hide it. I also didn't want people thinking I was wasting away due to some terminal disease. And lastly, yes, we would all like to be in the 3% of obese populati9on who really can lose weight and keep it off with diet & exercise....HOWEVER, if that were true, we wouldn't be looking at WLS. Quit trying to fool folks that you 'did it on your own.' There is no shame in getting help for a disease. Go forward in strength and honesty.
   — Karen N.

October 7, 2002
At first I only told the whole story to very close friends and family. To everyone else I just said that I was having a kind of gastro intestinal surgery. (Most people don't ask for that to be further defined) After losing just about 100 pounds in four and a half months I have told the whole story. The reaction has been a lot better than I expected. Once people see the great results in real life they are less likely to condemn the surgery.
   — Linda A.

October 7, 2002
You will probably find others in your congregation that have had the surgery themselves, or know of family members, and/or co-workers or friends who have had it. If you do not tell your congregation beforehand, you will have to after they see their new slim minister. Tell them you are having a life saving surgery so that you will be around in good health to minister them for a long time. Good luck.
   — Cindy R.

October 7, 2002
I stood up and told my story to the entire congregation one sunday. Its been wonderful and every comment has been positive. Your story will likely filter to other MOs and might save their life. If you DONT TELL they will suspect cancer, aids or other like threatening disease. Better to tell the truth!
   — bob-haller

October 7, 2002
I stood up and told my story to the entire congregation one sunday. Its been wonderful and every comment has been positive. Your story will likely filter to other MOs and might save their life. If you DONT TELL they will suspect cancer, aids or other like threatening disease. Better to tell the truth!
   — bob-haller

October 7, 2002
Think of all the prayers and good thoughts they will be sending your way if you tell them! Also, the fact that you are doing something to improve your health (assuming you believe the body is a temple, etc.) will be a great influence on your congregation. I would totally respect a minister for standing up and speaking about it. It will be a good opportunity for you to let them be there for you, instead of you always being the caretaker.
   — M. B.

October 7, 2002
You know, I so struggled with this myself. Then I realized: obesity is not a sin, it's a disease. Gluttony is the sin, and that applies to over-anything-ing. Too much wine, too much shopping, too much TV. Although I did volume eating, I didn't eat constantly or only rich foods. If I broke the volume down into the 3-4 meals I SHOULD have been eating, it worked out. Even when those volumes were just salad and steamed broc, I gained. Although I am not a "leader of persons", I was a ministry leader. I did not make a public announcement, but did tell people face to face. I'm certain today that I am here because I had mountains of prayer. I certainly was not a good phyiscal candidate for surgery, but any options were out. Some people objected, of course, insisting that I was trying to "get of out the consequence of my sin". In other words, I should SUFFER because of my obesity, in their opinions. Having been where was & only guessing where you are, I would certainly tell your office staff, and heads of ministry, paryer ministries and tell them it's not a secret. See what happens and if you want a public announcement or not.
   — vitalady

October 8, 2002
HI Gary- Well I can relate to this question. I work in Children's Ministry at a large church in Dallas and I also went back and forth with how I was going to be gone having major surgery and not tell anyone. So I chose to tell everyone that I was having stomach surgery. I didnt get into details but I did let everyone know that it was major surgery and that I have battled health issues from my weight from some time now and this surgery was going to assist in resolving that. It would of been very hard to hide the surgery because more then you realize it is MAJOR SURGERY..and the recovery is harder then most realize, but well worth it in the end. I have not felt regret for doing it that way and I had friends and members bringing dinner over for my children every night and all the love in the world during my time of need. This also opens a door for people in your shoes wanting guidance and you will be able to help someone one day in there struggle with the same choices you are having to make. I hope this helps you out. Melissa
   — MELISSA M.

October 11, 2002
Gary...why tell anyone anything until they bring it up? I mean, when you have to tell them you'll be gone for a while because you are having surgery, I'm sure someone will ask what's going on and you can spill the beans then.
   — Lynette B.

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