Question:
I told someone in confidence about surgery, now they are sharing info

I told exactly three people at work about the type of surgery I had (Aug. 31 & doing great!). One has since left and wouldn't have talked to anyone about it. The second is the person who is doing some of my work (on a volunteer basis) and was aslo at the hospital with my family during the surgery. The third is my coordinator of volunteers - I work at a church! I have received word that my coordinator of volunteers is now sharing with others at the church what I had surgery for. I am shocked and hurt by this because I asked her to keep it in confidence. Any suggestions about how to deal with this?    — [Anonymous] (posted on September 12, 2000)

September 12, 2000
This is a definite problem, and one that should be discussed with the pastor/priest immediately. You should also have a face-to-face discussion with this individual expressing your disappointment. Begin the conversation by asking if she told someone else - do not assume it. Give her the benefit of a doubt. You may think it's her, when in fact someone else "leaked" the information. I am not suggesting that it needs to be ugly. I am very involved at my church, and sometimes it is hard to discuss conflict because we feel there shouldn't be any. Whether this person is paid on non-paid staff doesn't matter. Confidentiality is very important in that line of work, and must be addressed. You deserve privacy and respect. I am 4 months post op and am now very open at church about my surgery because so many people have noticed the dramatic weight loss and have remarked on it. But it took me a while to get comfortable with telling people. I am a firm believer that you will talk about your WLS when the time is right with the right person. Good luck!
   — Paula G.

September 12, 2000
hi, I am a former asst. pastor and youth pastor etc...from f/t ministry. The way I believe this should be handled is to confront the person and just ask them if they spoke to anyone regarding your personal confidential business. Then you need to inform them the difference of being given confidential information and how important that is. That confidentiality is expected in their position of operation. Whether they told a friend, they breached their expectations in their position. They stepped out of their position and stooped to a friendship level discussing confidential information. I am guessing you trusted them. All and all the Bible says to confront... Peter said to speak "plainly". Speak plainly and get it resolved, do not let hurt feelings effect your relationship. Also, this surgery will add to your testimony, I am sure it will not be a secret, look at what opportunities the Lord has blessed you with by having this. You cannot get upset over spilled milk, but you can clean it up so there is no sour milk nor crust still there...(if you get this). Good luck! Overall, your coworker stepped out of their position into personal conversation in a place that she should NOT have. Once again, Good Luck!
   — Patricia C.

September 12, 2000
I feel your pain. I had the exact same problem, but this girl went around telling a lot of people in the community. People I would not care to know my business. I told very few people on my job. Supervisor, Educational Director and Personnel and that was it. Now many teachers are spreading gossip about what type of surgery I had. One even came up to me and told me she heard I had surgery to lose weight I did not confirm or deny it because it is none of her business. All I can say is everyone is not your friend. I am sorry you are going through this.
   — Barbara P.

October 21, 2000
I can understand your distress. But personally I have never made any secret of the operation. I know that alot of people do not even what thier families to know, but I never bothered. A secret has power. I worked with a man for a couple of years and we had both had the operation. He, too, was very open. Mind you, he was ten years or more post-op, and I am four. Good luck
   — Eva S.

December 17, 2000
I know exactly how you feel. Same thing happened to me. I am mostly worried about one individual I work with who shares a whole past history with my family in the town where my ex-husband lives. He was the cause of so much of my weight-pain and I just don't want him to know. I know it sounds ridiculous to those who don't care to keep the secret, but I do understand how you feel. I wish I could give some advice but there's nothing that can change what is out. I do think you need to go to her and tell her that you told her in confidence and would appreciate her not discussing it with anyone else. That will put her on notice that you are on to her. This one woman I work with told and played dumb when I confronted her. Oh well. She knows where she stands now at least. I am so paranoid about certain people finding out that I operate under a pseudonym on this site. I hate doing that because it feels dishonest. But I cna't risk my name popping up in a search engine. The net is just not private. I recently was on a message board dealing with something else and made an anonymous post with my real initials. Someone recognized bits of my story and posted the rest of the details. I realized then that this seems like a big world. It isn't. Anyone who wants to know my real name can just ask though. I trust my fellow WLS peers.
   — [Anonymous]