Question:
Does anyone else feel like this when they get compliments?
I have lost about 53 lbs. People are starting to notice and compliment me. People who have never said much to me before. This makes me feel good, but a part of me thinks ya but you thought I looked awful before didn't you? — Kim N. (posted on April 16, 2003)
April 16, 2003
I defintely feeling you with that. I irritates me when people say I know
you are meeting so many men NOW. people are so judgemental towards
overweight people. I guess at 409 lbs no one would actually believe i met
more men humph!!! rny 3/18/02 -177
— tameaka S.
April 16, 2003
Just wait until people don't recognize you...that's a real trip! I have
people telling me how "tiny" I am...I guess at 5ft and 253
pounds, I was hardly petite (but still short). Just be glad people notice
and tell them, "Thanks, I thought I was pretty hot before, now look
out!"
— missmollyk
April 16, 2003
Yeah, it can be weird, but generally, I think people mean well when they
compliment you. When they *say*, "Wow, you're looking good!," we
tend to *hear*: "Wow, you used to be so huge!!!" We should
fight the tendency to twist others' words into barbs at ourselves, a habit
some of us learned as a defense mechanism long ago (when, a lot of the
time, other people weren't giving a thought to us one way or the other,
really).<P>I say, forgive (what may never have been thought or said),
forget, and enjoy the compliments. Put the shoe on the other foot: If you
saw someone losing lots of weight, wouldn't you like to say something nice
too? It's hard to think of something that couldn't be twisted around into
a criticism by a listener in that situation, if they chose to do so. There
are so many sad tales here of people who've really been hammered by nasty
comments and actions; I wouldn't include the well-meaning or clumsy in with
the nasty. <P>BTW ... you look mahvelous! :-D
— Suzy C.
April 16, 2003
I recently had some friends over, and the guy said, "Wow, you are
getting skinny." and my reply was, Thanks, I really needed to hear
that." I guess I just don't see the change from day to day and it was
nice that someone else was able to give me a more accurate reflection than
my mirror does. Of course, I know that he/they knew I was fat before my
surgery (and still am)...but who in their right mind is going to say,
"Gee has your butt gotten bigger since the last time we saw you?"
So, just soak it all in and know that things are changing for the good and
people are going to notice...and be happy for you.
— eaamc
April 16, 2003
One of my neighbors said to me, "Wow, you have lost a TON of
weight." Ok, I did have a lot to loose, but a TON? I smiled and
thanked him for the compliment he meant it to be. Sometimes people just
don't know what they are saying until it is too late.
— Amber L.
April 16, 2003
You certainly find out who was bothered by your weight "before".
Some people just go on and on and on about the loss. Drives me crazy. I
much prefer my friends who never really noticed (or didn't mind) how
overweight I was in the first place. I have a couple of close friends that
can't believe I've lost as much as I have. They tell me, you know, you
didn't seem that big to me... bless their hearts (because I really was huge
:-) Personally, a little "you're looking good" is fine, but the
gushers make me uncomfortable. My Mom on the other hand, is completely the
opposite, and gets quite ticked if her friends don't notice every last
pound LOL.
— mom2jtx3
April 16, 2003
I know exactly how you feel...I've learned to say "thank you" and
put everything else that starts trying to push into my mind OUT of my mind.
I took quite awhile to do this, and sometimes I still have a hard time
with compliments. It's un-nerving sometimes when you're not used to
getting them. I agree with the previous poster too, about when people
don't recognize you! It's so funny sometimes. The best thing about it is
when someone you don't particularly care for doesn't recognize you, then
you don't have to talk to them..lol :o) Good luck!
— lily1968
April 16, 2003
That brings back memories. That fact (imho) is that, as we lose weight,
we tend to dress better, feel better about ourselves and pay more attention
to
our appearace....so...we do look better. I also noticed that there are a
lot of
people out there who just don't like fat people. Often we're
"invisible" to thes people when
we are fat, but when we get done to what they consider to be an
"accetable" weight, they start
paying attention to us. Lose 3 or 4 dress sizes and you often get a level
of attention and respect
that you never received before. After a while, you just learn to accept
the compliments. However, I
did find it somewhat aggravating when the same people complimented me on my
weight loss EVERY time they
saw me....like three or four times a week! (lol) I wanted to scream
"enough already!" But, I'd just say "thanks'
and go about my business.
— mandy S.
April 16, 2003
It's true that there are people out there who don't like someone just
because they are fat. They never bother to get to know you because they
can't get past their judgmental attitude. I am pre op, but I've been
thinking about the things you have posted in your question. There are
people at my work that won't give me the time of day because I'm fat (and
it's obvious because they are friendly to those around me), and I have
decided that, while I'm not going to let it eat me up inside, there are a
few people I will NEVER be friends with because of the way they have
treated me. No one has treated me badly, but refusing to acknowledge you
as a human being hurts just as bad. For those people, the fact that they
might be nice to me AFTER I lose weight just makes me want to never be
their friend. Fat or thin, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who
is that shallow. Maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way, but I can't help
it. I'm not going to be a different person inside just because I lose
weight, and if someone can't be nice to me now, then I'm not really
interested in being friends with them ever.
— beeda
April 16, 2003
YUP! Now that I am a size 6 men hold doors for me, watch me walk by,
waiters are falling over eachother to help, people (even women) smile at me
when I walk by, and I noticed professionals like doctors, lab techs,
dentists, etc are nicer to me. But on the flip side I get dirty looks from
the people who are heavy now. Sheesh, I used to get nasty looks when I was
fat, now I get them because I am skinny. Ya cant win!!
— smedley200
April 16, 2003
I still have a hard time with compliments, which are still coming in,from
neighbors, co-workers, family and friends. I love to hear it, and it
definitely makes me smile, and I am learning to accept that they really do
think I look good and are not just "pretending". Especially for
those that did not give you the time of day when you were fat, I'd smile at
them, accept their compliment graciously, but not spend any more time on
them. They are shallow. Unfortunately, it is fact that fat people are
discriminated against in obvious and suttle ways-we have all been there and
done that. Now that I am normal sized, I go out of my way to make eye
contact with and pay attention to obese people that I encounter. Its my
silent way of saying, you do count. I was them and they deserve the same
respect that I receive now from others but that others don't provide to
them. I am also the first one to speak up if I hear a "fat" joke
or see any discrimination again overweight people. I make sure to educate
the normal sized population to their discriminating ways, some of whom are
oblivious and not even aware that it is not politically correct to make fat
jokes anymore. OK, off my soapbox!
— Cindy R.
April 16, 2003
I'm a teacher at a small independent school. So far, in the last month,
I've had a father (recently separated--I'm very happily married, flirt
outrageously with me in front of his daughter because he didn't recognize
me, and two mothers walk by me looking for "the teacher."
Goodness. It gets weird at times, but it is also fun sometimes. I say,
soak in the compliments, bask in the limelight, and say a demure
"thank you."
— Mary Ann B.
April 18, 2003
Kim, I ditto all of the previous posters. I am having as others have
indicated here that I too, have a hard time dealing with the *seemingly
innocent* compliments. I TRY and make every attempt to, as Cindy Rubin said
"accept the compliments "graciously" and try not to let the
negatives of any kind, rent space in my head. It's amazing, though, how we
have always been friendly while obese and no one wanted to be caught with
us for fear that they would be talked about for hanging out with
"those fat people". Now all of a sudden, everyone wants to be
your friend and tell you how good you look. Quite frankly, I STILL have to
work on how I', really feeling about what was said. I often ask myself,
"I wonder if they are for real"? Then I'll have to leave it
alone, because the record will continue to play in my mind and then I'd not
be "for real" myself. Which is why I I feel this
"community" has helped me a lot by talking about how we really
are and how we honestly share what's going on with us. Be encouraged
though, I guess we have to give folks a chance. I've been told by my
therapist to stop trying to analyze things, for me to accept the
compliment(s) for what it's worth and continue on your merry way..
— yourdivaness
April 22, 2003
The more you lose, the more compliments you get and boy does it boost your
confidence. You carry yourself very differently. Where the compliments
before were "look at that fat girl" now the compliments are
"wow, look at her". You just doing change by losing weight, but
the way you do your hair, nails, style of clothing (me, lower neckline).
Everything changed for me and I love it! Take the compliments, they're a
boost to your ego!
— dolphins94
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