Question:
I told a friend I had RNY because she kept asking me how I was losing so fast.
I told her I didn't want her husband to know. I just feel this is a personal situation and it is my story to tell. She told me she wouldn't tell him cause she knows he has a big mouth. Well, today a lady he works with ask my mom if I had my stomach stapled cause he told her I did. This lady had just ask me an hour earlier and I told her cutting back and exercise. How do I handle this without ruining a friendship. I know some of you will say who cares, but as you all know weight is a touchy subject for us. It has been hell forever for most of us. I want to chew out someone just not sure who. Thanks — Kim N. (posted on April 10, 2003)
April 10, 2003
Okay, here's my two cents worth- First off, the gal you told must not have
been a REAL GOOD Friend, right! Second, you couldn't really expect her to
keep it from her husband, could you?, I tell my hubby EVERYTHING! I think
that the situation gets weird when the husband is sharing the info with
others. Definitely confront the "friend" and tell her what her
husband did, if she doesn't already know. Let her chew his a**, and then
kiss yours for her thoughtlessness! It's a tough situation, I'm sorry that
it happened to you. I decided even before surgery to tell EVERYBODY I was
having it done, it has provided me with alot of support from neighbors and
friends that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Lap RNY May 23, 2002 -140
lbs. Sittin' pretty at 150, 15 lbs. from goal!
— Tambi B.
April 10, 2003
The only way to keep a secret is to not tell anyone at all!
It's a bummer when you trust someone to keep info to themselves and they
don't. I don't really have any advice -except it sounds like you felt
pressured to tell your friend
even though you really didn't want to. That's happened to everyone at some
time or another. Tell your friend you're disappointed she told her husband.
Then go out there and lose weight and have a great life and make no excuses
for any decision you made for yourself and about yourself!
— JoSyrNY
April 10, 2003
That is tough... but no matter what, there is nothing I would keep from my
husband, no matter what someone told me. But I know that if I asked him to
keep quiet about something he would. How said for your friend, that she is
married to a jerk that she can't trust. At least you know what you can or
can't trust her with in the future.
Sorry, honey. I hope your friendship can make it through this one. Have a
better day.
— kultgirl
April 10, 2003
I have a friend who I have not told anything to because she too tells her
husband everything, that's why I don't tell her anything personal about
me... No I don't think a wife should tell her husband everything especially
when it come to something personal or about anyone who told you not to tell
anyone. Believe me if a man's friend told him not to say a word, he won't
say a word, only women loves to go around talking about each other. I
think you friend was insensitive, big mouth jealous witch. When I was
married some things me and my friend kept just between us, Lord knows we
done enough in our hey days that was none of our husbands business they
told me in confident and said tell no one, So I told no one, not even my
husband it was none of his business, And don't care what other married
women might say about this, I still say some thing are left a secret.
— Rebe W.
April 10, 2003
Kim, this is a hard situation. And it's not just about your surgery and
people knowing- it's about trust. I personally think your friend and her
husband are at fault. Obviously her b/c she specifically said she would not
tell him. And he is as well, b/c although she was wrong to tell him, it is
her husband and most things are shared, BUT he should've respected his wife
enough to not tell the secret further as well. (I'm sure she said
"don't say anything"- this is the way secrets gets spread anyhow)
And tell her you can't trust her anymore. It may seem trivial to some
people, but it isn't. You have every right to be upset. But now that
people know, just be proud. You did the right thing and anyone who tells
you different is wrong and probably hasn't been in our situations. Goodluck
to you!
— Lezlie Y.
April 10, 2003
All of these women telling their husbands EVERYTHING!? My God. Your
friend is NOT a true friend, but maybe you kind of knew that already,
right? I'm sure this isn't the first time she's spilled the beans on you.
Shame on her!! And her husband's a wash woman for caring to spread this
"thing" you didn't want anyone knowing around town. I'd be soooo
done with them. Try to accept them for who they are. (Forgiving (but not
forgetting) is easier than staying pissed off.) Best of luck to you.
— msmaryk
April 10, 2003
Well everyone is different, I personally have told almost everyone I am
planning on this surgery sometime this summer......I figure some people
won't agree, or will try and scare me, or will even think I am weak. I
just finally said I don't care, I am doing this for myself and thats the
way it is gonna be....lol So Take my decision or leave it, I personally
think it takes a pretty stong person to do this!!!
Good Luck to you all!!
— Saxbyd
April 10, 2003
If a friend (by the way, ALL of my friendships are based on TRUST) asks you
to keep a secret, and you don't warn that friend right up front that you
"tell your husband everything", then you've betrayed a trust the
moment you agree to keep the secret. You have just lied to your friend.
Also, my mother gave me words of wisdom when I was a teen, that still echo
in my mind today: No one needs to know everything. Not even your husband.
If you feel a need to tell, tell God.
— Leni M.
April 10, 2003
I would chew them both out! Her for telling him - and him for being a
blabbing gossip. And I probably would tell the nosy woman who was asking
your mother behind your back to mind her own business! If your friendship
is strong it can stand a little bit of backlash. Your friend should be
ashamed of herself for betraying your trust. My question to you is what has
she done for you lately? Are you the one always bending over backwards to
support her? Where is her support for you?
— MaryCinFL
April 10, 2003
I don't think you should've told his wife. You can't expect someone to
keep a secret from their husband or wife. If someone told me they wanted
to tell me something but I couldn't tell my hubby I'd tell them I'd rather
not know.
— tinkerbellsw
April 10, 2003
The answer is easy...re-evaluate who you call your friends. Friendship is
based on trust, like so many other relationships. As for the woman that
asked your mother? Well, if I were your mother I would have told her to ask
you or keep her mouth shut.
Unfortunately, as considerate and understanding as women can be...they can
also be extremely jealous and catty.
— Diane S.
April 11, 2003
You do not owe anyone an explaination. The woman who asked your mom? You
are cutting back and exercising. Let the gossips do their thing, rise above
it. Tell your friend how sad you are that she abused your trust - this
works better than anger, which just gets people defensive, by being sad,
you can make them feel guilty which the she should feel. Good luck.
— Sunny S.
April 11, 2003
When I went for my psych eval, the doctor asked me if I discussed this with
my mother and mother-in-law. I told her no. I did not want to worry them
because of their age. Besides, this is my descision. I don't have to
expain it to anyone if I don't want to.
— Karen T.
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