Question:
HOW HAS HAVING WLS SURGERY CHANGED YOUR DATING.

i am 27, single and i do date. I am curious to know how you have reacted to men who wouldn't leave the house with you prior to wls, and now find theese same men wanting to give you all this attention?..has this experience happened to anyone? and if so how have you handled it, because inside your still the same person... true....?    — christina L. (posted on January 26, 2003)

January 26, 2003
Gosh, I am pre-op, surgery scheduled for Feb 4th. I have been sorta wondering the same thing about dating. Also, I wonder how to bring up the subject, because surely it must come up if you go to dinner, right? And, ya know those friends you always ask to set you up and they brush you off? I just wonder how many will come out of the woodwork after all the weight is lost wanting to set ya up!!?!! And if it happens, what should your reaction be? I can't wait to find out these answers myself!! haha
   — roryleigh

January 26, 2003
I'm looking forward to this benefit of WLS. Back when I was a jock in high school the girls would ask me out or I would get whistles from carload of girls. This was before I started packing on the weight. I've never had problems geting a girlfriend but with my weight it does take a lot more effort since I have to rely more on my wit and tongue (no sexual reference intended haha). <p>But there is the nagging doubt that I will meet and date someone who would not have dated me when I was fat. I don't know yet how much that will impact me but I would not want to get in a relationship with someone who was insensitive towards fat people. I wouldn't bring up the fact that I had surgery on the first date. I want to see how they truly are and their true level of sensitivity. If they were to know I was once fat then they conceal their their fatcism - hahaha. If they start with jokes about how fat someone is... I'd have to kick them to the curb (unless they were really really hot then I'd wait till morning) <p> Take Care, Be Well, Be Happy!
   — John T.

January 26, 2003
This is something that I've personally been battling in my head from before surgery. I just knew that I would get t'd-off the first time someone asked me out. And wouldn't you know that it happened 2 weeks right after my surgery by someone that I had know for a year and a half? Needless to say that it did not go well and I'm sure that part of it was all the little nagging thoughts and doubts in my head. I think I've been lucky that I have not been at home with the exception of holidays since the weight has REALLY been coming off. Right now I can just push guys off asking me out b/c I'm a blonde in Paris and French men assume American women are easy...but hopefully this will give me a cooling off period that I desperately need. AND give me time to start loving myself and caring for myself that is needed if I'm going to be able to accept anyone else in my life that will indeed most definitely not be perfect.
   — Michelle S.

January 26, 2003
Hello! I find your post very interesting, as I am feeling the same way about my friends...and what thier reactions to me will be once I lose all my weight. However, while moaning about this to my husband, and recently post-op friend, I realized that while men may hit on me once I am smaller, it is probably because I am projecting a different image of myself than I would be 200 lbs heavier. I do not like myself now, so why can I blame anyone else for not wanting to spend time with me? However, once you lose the weight, you become more confident, which I believe is alot of where the attrativeness comes from. Just my opinion! Good Luck!
   — Kylie E.

January 26, 2003
This is a hard experience to go through. My aunt had wls last August and said "Don't be surprised if you lose friends and people who wouldn't give you a second look want to be your best friend!" I had my surgery 1/14/03 and i've already noticed that my 2 best freinds are happy for me but i can tell they are distant now. Don't know if its jelousy or what. I haven't had any one that dissed me before try to be my friend yet but then again i really havent gone anywhere since i got home from surgery. My best advice is just be true to yourself! You did this surgery for yourself and no one else...well ok maybe your spouse n kids too. If anyone has a problem with your sucess they THEY have to deal with it!!! AS far as the other ppl well just be carefull. Best wishes.
   — Jennifer Q.

January 26, 2003
Hi! I have a few things to say about this. My BF of 4 years dumped me 6 weeks after surgery to go back to his overweight X-wife. I was crushed. I didn't have this surgery to improve our relationship, but I thought it might be a plus!! That was 2 years ago and I have moved on. For the past 1 1/2 years, I have been dating a man that I have known for about 9 years. I often wonder why we didn't get together before but the timing just wasn't right. Also, to be completely honest, I wouldn't have wanted to be with me either (I'm not particularly attracted to overweight men). We don't really talk about my surgery, and we are completely happy with eachother, so I just accept it. I try not to question it.
   — enjo4

January 26, 2003
Ok, let's face it... in our society, fat is not considered attractive, and in dating, initially it's largely about attraction. I'm almost 4 months post op, and am down 58 lbs weighing in at 196. I dated a lot for a "big girl" before, but I am getting a lot more attention now. (in fact just last night, someone I've known and worked with for 8 years tried to kiss me at a Super Bowl party... now THAT was awkward) It just stands to reason that people would be more attracted to us after wls... not only for the decreased mass but also the increased confidence. I don't think that it really says anything about the people other than that they are attracted to people that are more height and weight proportionate. Now, if AFTER you were in an intimate, close relationship you put on weight, then they distanced themselves from you... you'd have a strong argument for them being jerks. But considering you were, dare I say, nothing to them on an intimate emotional level, I don't believe any hard feelings should be harbored. Now with that said, let me give out a warning to all my wls sisters. Be very aware of what it is that this men are after. You will find that a large proportion of men are still just looking to get some. So be very careful about venturing into any physical relationship (unless that's what you're looking for). Be careful, enjoy the attention, date a lot, and protect yourselves. A lot of us have waited a long time for this much attention from the opposite sex.... enjoy it!
   — Ali M.

January 26, 2003
Michelle, I think it a shame how people around the world feel about American women, Just recently I was told by an Arabic how easy american women are (and I'm African American) I told him why because we are happy and don't have to bowed down to men? Anyway to get back to the subject, I am loving the attention. For the first time in a long time I have choices. I can now choose and not think someone is trying to get over on me, I like the way I turn heads now, how I can have a twist in my walk and how I can not hear a guy tell me "some men don't like heavy women but I do?" Like he was doing me a @#&*ing favor. Now I can go to bars and feel comfortable. Do I get back at them, no I don't have time for that. I still talk to them in my nice sweet voice just like before only now I don't feel desparate.
   — Rebe W.