Question:
A co-worker said I shouldn't qualify for WLS because I'm not going to die next year..
I made the mistake of telling a fellow morbidly obese co-worker that I am hoping to get WLS. She of course would never do that and goes on to say that she would be very MAD if the insurance Company says Yes to the surgery. Why? "Because I am not going to die from being MO", "Your problems aren't life threatening". I told her that she didn't know all of my health problems, and didn't know my family's health problems. Now I am paronoid the Insurance is gonna deny me. I have Sleep Apnea, Extremely High Cholesterol, heart problems, limb and joint pain, asthma, back and hip problems, a shocking amount of family with Colon/Pancreatic Cancer in early 40's, Dad died at 56 of Arrythmia, grandma at 59 of Arrythmia, Brother with stroke at 29. Many more things to list. I am 26 and 245 pounds. My Insurance says that it has to be medically necessary. I know I deserve this surgery, and I will probably get cancer or more heart problems by the time I turn 40, if I don't. I also know, that I probably still get those things eventually, but, to prolong my life by just 5 years, and the quality of life at that, it's priceless (as VISA says). So I suppose my 2 questions are, insuancely speaking, 'Do I qualify?', and 'How do I inform a Co-Worker without stepping on any toes, and keeping my Medical History to myself?' (Even though I told her of the surgery, I still want to keep some things private). Do I just stop talking to her altogether? Thanks again---Annie — Annie R. (posted on May 10, 2001)
May 10, 2001
Annie - I can NOT say if you will qualify for insurance...I do know that I
was approved with a BMI of 51 and very similar co-morbs as you. There will
be a lot of "Nay Sayers" about this process. Only you can
decided if it is for you. If your insurance denies you, don't give
up....they have an appeal system and AMOS and all of us here offer some
GREAT support and information!! If this is what you truely want....then
continue your research and move forward!! Good Luck & surround
yourself with Supportive people....not those who are negative and
insecure!! Luv Ya, Karan
— chance2lv
May 10, 2001
Annie, your decision to have this surgery is between you, your family, and
your doctor. Try not to dwell on the opinions of people who cannot support
you 100%. This is such an important step in your life, you need as many
positive people around you as possible. You will find out soon enough from
your insurance if you qualify, so don't worry too much about what your
co-worker has to say about that. What makes her an "expert" on
this subject anyway? I'd suggest not talking to her about this subject
anymore, but perhaps about things that are less important to you. Good
luck to you...by the way, I was 233 pounds with NO co-mordities and
qualifed just fine...
— Marnie K.
May 10, 2001
She sounds like a very unhappy, bitter person who thinks all of society
should just eat her up with love and admiration despite of her MO. Problem
is, her attitude sucks! Anyhow, just a note of caution: if she says she's
going to 'get MAD' if insurance pays for it, she may feel free to go to
your boss or human resources to complain, thereby bringing even more people
into your business. I have some experience with difficult people, and have
learned the hard way that I am way too trusting. She's one of those
negative people you need to keep out of the equation. And for the life of
me, I can't figure out how you are stepping on anyone's toes! Personally,
I'd pelt her with NAAFA pamphlets in the lunchroom....
— Allie B.
May 10, 2001
You know what? She's not God. She doesn't know when you, me, she, or
anybody else will die or from what. My healthy 33-yr-old husband left on
Christmas Eve morning 1998 to visit some lifelong friends to wish them
happy holidays. He never came back home because he was killed in an
automobile accident that night. The fact is, you never know, and you
better make the best of today. Let everyone you love know it, do
everything you can to ensure a quality of life for yourself and your
family, and hope for a long, happy, and healthy life.<br><br>I
had problems with the acceptance of my surgery in my workplace as medically
necessary, and I just quit discussing it. You can't educate the ignorant
who do not want to be educated. Best wishes to you.
— [Deactivated Member]
May 10, 2001
As everyone has said already, don't talk to this woman. I personally didn't
tell anyone at work anything until it was set in stone. The only person I
gave a heaads up to was my boss becuase I would be out for three weeks and
I wanted to be as accomidating as possible.
Hang in there and do what feels right in your heart.
— Rebecca L.
May 10, 2001
I think that this coworker must be very unhappy, and probably envious of
you for having the courage to take this step. You might want to remind her
that there are thousands of surgeries done everyday that are not life
threatening "within a year", but insurance still pays for them. I
probably wouldn't die from a sinus infection, or a rash, or any other
number of ailments, but my insurance still pays for my physician to treat
those things. I agree with the others that you should just back off from
talking with her about this. If she brings it up, just tell her that you
made a mistake by telling her about it, and you don't wish to discuss it
with her. Unfortunately, she will probably make it her business as well as
with other coworkers. Hopefully, any others she talks about it to will see
that she has a problem and will blow off any negative things she has to
say. Best of luck. Remember: you deserve to live a healthy, happy, long
life!
— Susan S.
May 10, 2001
I think it is such a blessing to have this surgical cure available during
our lifetimes! One thing to remember is that the surgeon and the insurance
companies determine this to be 'medically necessary' and then they cover
it. If they do that, then don't worry -- tell your friend they made the
'medically necessary' determination and that's that. Otherwise, it would
be considered cosmetic, which it is not. You sure would qualify on my
insurance. As far as not dying this year, how simple minded! My
hysterectomy surgery was medically necessary and covered, yet I doubt I
would have died that year if I'd waited to get it done. I've found it
helpful to not worry too much about what other people say, and if they ask
a personal question, say: "Why do you want to know?" This
usually signals to them that they've asked something you consider personal.
If you have to hit them over the head with a brick, you can be more blunt.
Change the subject on them. That works too. Best wishes and I toast your
good health in the future!
— Cindy H.
May 10, 2001
The thing that rang a bell for me is that this coworker is MO. She has
probably fought the same fight we all have against dieting and accepting
herself and getting past her obesity even though it's still with her. She
probably has heard of horrible death rates from the surgery that are
completely untrue and outdated. She is scared that you are doing something
that she herself does not want to consider. I get very angry with my
friends on diets and in weight loss programs for this same reason. It's
very unfair of me but I take it personally that they are dieting. Like if
they can diet, they must think I should be on a diet. This coworker is
probably petrified that it will work and she might have to re-evaluate her
own treatment options. I was told by almost everybody initially that I
wasn't fat enough and that the surgery doesn't work. Why is it that
everybody in the world thinks they're an expert on obesity? Let the real
experts, the surgeons and insurance company figure out who's fat enough and
wether it's worth the risk. Oh, and you of course, you have to know that
for yourself first and foremost.
— kcanges
May 10, 2001
Having been MO for several years, I know from experience that if others
around me are MO too, there isn't as much attention drawn to me. I would
guess that your friend has sort of put you two in the same boat and now she
thinks you're bailing out. If she is a friend and not just a co-worker, I
would suggest that you direct her to this site for some information
gathering and maybe after she sees your success, be her mentor. My guess
would be that while she is critizing your decision out loud, privately it
made her reflective of her own issues.
— Margaret B.
May 10, 2001
Tell her that you are sorry that she feels that way as most of your friends
have been very supportive. Let her know that your doctor has recommended
this surgery and then drop the subject. If she brings it up, tell her that
she she is certainly entitled to her opinion, but as she is not supportive
of you having this surgery that you really don't think you should discuss
it with her. Remember, you are doing this for you and others really do not
have to understand it!
— Christy R.
May 10, 2001
I SO agree with what went before me here. How sick do you need to be to
qualify under CoWorker Approval Measure? Unable to work? Just hospitalized
or does it need to be ICU? Or with lungs and heart that can NEVER be made
to function properly again? I think of myself as having been at death's
door when I had my surgery, and I wasn't as sick as you are! My ex DIED
"not sick enough", too. Of course, having gotten a life outta
the deal here, I guess I am biased. If you are dying, slowly, by the inch
NOW, why wait til the last minute? Reclaim as much life & body as you
can!
— vitalady
May 10, 2001
I know exactly how you feel, I'm 39 and my BMI 40.2 telling my friends and
familly has been a story of trials and errors, but I found out that my
"thin" friends were a lot more understanding, when I told my one
friend that is also obese, she almost got mad at me for my decision and
tryed to convince me to come to her doctor and try medication like her
before I did anything, my answer was almost: "but you're still
obese!!!", anyways I just decided to let it drop. I decided that for
work I will use a cover up story for the surgery and explain the weight
loss as surgery trauma and then diet and exercise, which will be true by
then.
Of course that's assuming I get approved....I can't think what I'll do if I
don't. Very best of luck to you and stick to your guns, you know better
than anybody else what you need.
— Diane B.
May 10, 2001
My "healthy" Mom died of cancer 2 years ago. She had no
diabetes, no high blood pressure, no comorbidities, but, she was 100 pounds
overweight. Her weight played a factor in her uterine cancer. Do what you
can now & don't let anyone confuse you with thier ignorance or
insecurity. Good luck to you...
— [Deactivated Member]
May 10, 2001
First of all, please refer your ignorant co-worker to this site so that she
may enlighten herself. That being said, please dont allow her ideas to
worry you. I cant speak for all insurance companies but mine required a
BMI of 40+ without comorbidities. I had absolutely no problem getting
approved and from what youve typed, I doubt you will either. Good luck and
dont give into the negativity...and NEVER let them see you sweat!
— Jeannet
May 10, 2001
I've had mixed reactions, but mostly positive. The #1 thing to remember is
that YOU know you need the surgery to help you and the quality of YOUR life
and health. Just remember that when you "inform" someone of your
pending plans, that's all it is, providing information. There are nice
ways to someone to keep their negative comments to themselves. I usually
tell someone what my plan is and follow it by saying that I know about
possible related risks, but I don't want any negative energy messing things
up for me.
— Jennifer P.
May 10, 2001
Yes they are life threatening. You could say, "Yes they are."
If she presses you, you could say "I discuss this only with my
doctor." If you want to go the humorous route, you could ask her
"Why? Are you going to take out a life insurance policy on me?"
People like this never cease to amaze me. And we MOs are not assertive
enough either. If she is REALLY a dink and calls your doctor or
personnel or your insurance company, I would scream harassment. You would
have a VERY good case. Meanwhile, do not tell her one more thing. You
need support, not ignorant jerks. Just hold your head high, go for the
surgery, and watch her turn greener with every losing ounce!!! Insurance
cos are getting more and more approving of this surgery because IT SAVES
THEM MONEY in the long run! Tell her to piss up a rope! You go, girl!
— Nancy G.
May 10, 2001
I was one of those who shouted it from the rooftops when I had my VBG in
97. I was so excited I told EVERYONE about it. I was met with mostly
positive responses and concern for my well-being. Those that were not
positive for the most part were not well informed. Having educated myself
on the subject, I met their oppositions with facts about the surgery and
once they realized that I knew what I was doing, knew what I was getting
into then they became supportive. Once I got back to work, everyone
watched my transformation like a butterfly and I had such wonderful support
from everyone. My success spoke for itself and anyone that didn't know and
commented on my weightloss I was quick to tell them HOW I was losing
weight. As a result, my co-worker had the surgery, my friend's sister had
the surgery and another employee started looking into the surgery. When I
started regaining I was afraid of what these same people would say and
think. Once I had my testing done and found out that I had lost my ring
and started planning for my revision, I once again started sharing with
people that there was a problem, a mechanical failure with my surgery and
that I was going to get it corrected by having an RNY. Once again everyone
was supportive. Some feel the need for privacy and I respect that. I, on
the other hand, needed all the support I could get and I got it. I left
that company right after my surgery due to getting married and moving out
of state. I cannot WAIT to go back and show them the new me now! As to
the negative co-worker, I think she is showing her own insecurities in a
mean way. You can either try to educate her or you can let your success
speak for itself. Do not let her make you feel guilty for making this
decision. It is YOUR decision, YOUR quality of life, YOUR co-morbidities
you have to live with, YOUR family history etc. She has no right to get
mad if you get approved and no right to state that you are NOT going to die
in the next year if you don't have surgery. How does she know? Is she
GOD? Not!!! Do what you know is right for you and ignore or educate her.
If she continues to create problems for you, report her to HR for
harrassment and surround yourself with supportive loving people. Who
knows, she may come around once she sees that you're serious about this or
once she sees your success but in the meantime she and her opinions about
YOUR life do not count! Only YOURS do. Best of luck to you.
— Kellye C.
May 11, 2001
Anne,
This co-worker dsn't regulate the requirements for the ins. co. If you are
approved then the ins. co. obviously feels this is something to be done
now. Why should you wait until you become sick and a higher risk for any
kind of surgery. My BMI was exactly 40, I weighed about 278 by the time of
surgery and in 30 days I've lost 30 lbs and 10 1/2". Why would I have
denied myself that. Obviously you know this MO co-worker is not in your
support system and that's ok, there are enough of us here who are and who
understand. You don't owe this co-worker any explanation. Let her get mad.
Do what you need to do for yourself! Only you know what's the right time
for you to do this. I say GO FOR IT! Best wishes
— Linda M.
October 13, 2001
I told a co worker too i was considering the surgery. Of course this girl
weigh 110 dripping wet and wears a size 2 but all she said was just stop
eating and all your problems will be solved you don't need the surgery. I
have seen you lose weight before. You just got lazy and gained it all
back.
She does not know how hard it is for us to stop sometime. This surgery s a
toll to help me. Should I feel guilty. No not at all.
— Theresa B.
October 14, 2001
I too am pre-op and hoping for ins. approval. I am being very choosy about
who I tell about my decision. Its not that I feel it is wrong its that I
don't want any negatives to affect how I feel. My husband and our 5
children are very supportive and that is all that counts, they will be the
ones that have to help me in the long run. So, chin up and good luck to
both of us on our journey. Thank-heaven we have this answer to our
prayers!!
Vicki Mize
— vmize
October 24, 2001
Dear Annie,
I'm sorry your co-worker is feeling so jealous. Don't let her rain on your
parade. Stay optimistic! You can help her out when she sees the terrific
results of your surgery and you can guide her through the process when she
decides to do it herself. Best of Luck to you!
— Carmen K.
December 31, 2001
I'm 40+bmi 44 yrs old, no health problems currently. I say currently
because I can "feel" that they are approaching if I continue on
with this yo-yo dieting and gaining. But for now I have been approved and
am scheduled for surgery next month and never had a problem with
qualifying.
I mentioned that I was getting this surgery to a heavy girlfriend of mine
and it was odd the way she responded to me. It became obvious that because
she didn't have insurance to cover it she had to knock it. Although she was
asking me all kinds of questions about it. I think for me anyway the main
thing to dealing with other people's drama and weird responses is to be
secure in my reasons for this surgery and to weigh (no pun intended) the
outcome and recovery time against the long term effects of being MO. I'll
take the surgery thank you. 44 yrs of this roller coaster ride and denying
myself the basic pleasure of wearing tank tops or shorts etc.. is quite
enough. Lead your own life and let others do what they will. Who cares.
— [Anonymous]
February 2, 2003
I think that she should be educated some on this....I can't stop talking
about the surgery and answer alot of questions to those I do tell. I really
haven't gotten any negative feedback other than others saying they would be
too scared. I know at some point I'll get a real negative remark but I'll
just mark it up to ignorance about the surgery and my life and health. If
the topic is brought up again. tell her to checkout this site. I've pointed
many people to here now its up to them if they want to check out the site
and surgery themselves. There is alot of overweight people in my area (heck
in Amercia in general). I know I probably drive some people to and inch of
crazy with my obessive talk about it but hey its a high point of myu life
right now (my surgery is in April of 2003)
— Jamie M.
February 4, 2003
I THINK EVERY ONE HAS EXPERIENCED THIS PROBLEM OR WILL. ITS IGNORACE AND
JEALOUSY. TRY NOT TO MENTION THIS PRIVATE THING TO PEOPLE WHO YOUR NOT SURE
OF. DISCUSS YOUR EXCITEMENT WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW WILL BE SUPPORTIVE.
— ELIZABETH K.
June 11, 2003
I agree completely with Nancy Gonzalez! How rude of this individual! How
narrow minded and petty! You were trying to share with her something
grand. The very fact that there is SOMETHING that can help you where other
things have failed... And here she was being a petty, narrow, rude, and
horrible person about it. She sounds so much like my mom! LOL!! - Emily
— Emily Y.
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