Question:
How do you deal with emotional eating at times of a family illness/death?

I'm 1 year post-op and surpassed my goal weight, I'm now 125 and 5'2" and very happy with that. My grandfather is dying of multiple kinds of cancers, and we're traveling a distance to see him in the hospital in a few days. It could be a matter of weeks or months before he passes. Ofcourse no one deals with death easily, but I'm one who is especially known not to be able to handle it well. When I was 16 my b/f passed away as well, and that was how I gained about 130 lbs. (I'm now 23) I guess you can tell I'm an emotional eater. I do speak with someone about it a little bit, don't know if it helps. Just wondering personal experiences... I feel selfish for even thinking about my weight at a time like this, but I just know what could happen since that is my coping mechanism. I do have great family support, so I know that will help. Thanks so much for the support!    — Lezlie Y. (posted on June 2, 2003)

June 2, 2003
Hi Lezlie. Sorry to hear about your grandfather. I don't think it is selfish at all for you to consider the toll this will take on you. I think it is great that you are planning for it--it is part of the commitment you made to take care of yourself!<p>I had a very stressful family situation about 5 months after I had surgery. At that time I could NOT deal with it through emotional eating, so I turned to house/yard work. It gave me a physical outlet for the pain I was experiencing and gave me a "safe" place to veg out. I think the key is that you need a way to kind of zone out to give yourself a breather from the stress. That's why eating, shopping, and exercise are all popular stress relievers. You think "in the moment" and you don't have to deal with the stressful stuff for a while. Realizing you do it is half the battle. Me? In stressful times I love to go shopping anywhere with a cart. For some reason, going through the store pushing the cart is soothing to me. I look at all the items and see what's new, what's cheap, what's expensive. I may buy some stuff and I may not. But I always come out feeling better than when I went in. It allows me to live in the moment for a while so that I am more refreshed to deal with the stress when I go back to reality. Find something besides food that does that for you: Exercise, needlework, playing games with the kids, whatever works! The stress will still be there when you get done, but you'll be better able to deal with it. Good luck!
   — ctyst

June 2, 2003
Lezlie, don't apologize for thinking about your weight at a time like this, because if you didn't, you could very easily fall into mindless eating to deal with emotions. It is actually important for you to pay attention to how your feeling and what is driving you to try to comfort these feelings about losing your grandpa, and the old feelings concerning what happened to your b/f, which as you mentioned, were the cause of a huge weight loss in your past. I know that you are into exercise, so perhaps when the feelings start to overwhelm you, turn to exercise and work it out of you. Talking to someone should also help as would taking a long walk or going to a movie to get your mind off of it. Its tough to find replacements to help us cope..its not easy. Hang in there..we're here for you.
   — Cindy R.

June 2, 2003
Hey Lezlie. Thanks for your post. Here's my take on it...I lost my mom almost a month to the day after my WLS last year, and was totally freaked out about how I would handle all of my health needs, etc. in the middle of my grief. Somehow I managed, but it has been tough. The good news (I guess) is that the timing was fortuitous, cause if I hadn't had WLS there is no doubt I'd be at 300lbs by now. Sometimes I have felt somewhat selfish and egocentric being focused on my weight loss during what will forever be the worst experience of my life, but it has brought me some joy in what was overall a crummy year, and, as a kind soul on this site pointed out, she (Mom) IS watching over and supporting me. So don't beat yourself up. Your not being uncaring or superficial in any way - just human. BTW, you look GREAT!
   — rebeccamayhew

June 3, 2003
Hi Lezlie- So sorry that your grandfather isn't doing well. I lost my father 4 months ago suddenly to a massive heart attack. One of the co-morbidities on his death certificate was "obesity". He was my biggest cheerleader in my desire for WLS. As you mentioned you have great family support, they (including your grandfather) would want you to take care of yourself as best as you can at this time. As someone's profile said "It (overeating) will not make you feel better, it will make you feel bigger." (Sorry I am so bad at names, I can't credit the quote.) You are NOT selfish for thinking about your health (WLS) at this time. Good Luck, my prayers are with you and your grandfather. Mea
   — Mea A.

June 4, 2003
Original poster here- Thanks so much for all your support and encouragement, it really means alot to me :-)
   — Lezlie Y.