Question:
How have your relationships changed since tremendous weight loss?

I am really curious about relationships since weight loss for those of you who have lost so much. We talk about all of the other issues to extreme, but we do not focus much on that part of our lives, which is just as important to our overall health. I want to know what changes have occured, what changes do you expect in the future, what problems or triumphs have you had, were there expectations before and have they been realized, and in what ways? Not just love relationships, but all relationships. Thank you.    — Diana D. (posted on April 26, 2003)

April 26, 2003
Well, I know I sure feel good about myself. I love the newfound energy. I am a much happier person. I feel I have been a prisoner of my obesity for way too many years. I do think my husband might be a little intimidated about the 'new' me. It's up to me to reassure him. It's like going back in time. I want to pick up where I left off YEARS ago. There is so much I want to do...places to go, people to see. I was slowly cutting off all social life because I was ashamed of the way I looked. This is SO not me and I am loving that I am reemerging with all this enthusiasm. I was fortunate and never experienced any mean or unkind treatment while I was so obese. People treat me the same now. Except they are SO proud and happy for me. I have all kinds of support...my own cheering section. It's all 'within' for me. I have such self confidence and a feeling of independence. These are 'becoming' (flattering) qualities. I have been told I look 10 years younger and have a 'bounce' to my step. Ultimate compliments to me. There for a while I would 'hide' or avoid people I hadn't seen in a while because I was embarrased about myself. Not any more. I love people and I love that I feel good enough about myself now that I reach out. Fun. I can tell you this is all fun. I have been obsese for over 30 years and the last 5 has been horrible. I was truly not a happy person. I stopped participating in things I either could not physically handle or was too embarrassed to get involved in. I was SO missing out! NOT ANY MORE! (Open RNY 10/30/02 and down 135 lbs.)
   — Ginger M.

April 26, 2003
My husband just told me last night that since I've lost 150 pounds he no longer finds me appealing in any way. We are going to counseling but I'm not sure it's going to work. It's a crying shame. I feel so good now and look so much better also. I just don't understand his attitude. All the guys at work want to jump my bones! Maybe I should stop running from them! HA. Marsha
   — MARSHA D.

April 26, 2003
My best friend in the world (so I thought) told me recently she didn't know if she could be my friend if I'm thin. This is someone that is part of my family. If one moves, so does the other. I bought a house down the street from her so we could be closer, things like that. I was crushed, because I knew she MEANT it when she said it. I know it's jealousy, but my god, it hurts. My other best friend is my biggest supporter. She's been AWESOME! My husband is pissing me off, but that's because he ISN'T motivated to lose weight after seeing me lose. He says he likes it where he is, although he could keel over from a heart attack at any moment. Sheesh, I'm sorry for the confessional. ;) I got off on a rant! You sure figure out who your friends are, that's all I know. My husband is a wonderful person, and I love him dearly, I'm just worried that I'll lose him to some fat related cause. :(
   — Diana L.

April 26, 2003
My marraige is 1000 times better. Some friendships have improved, some worsened and some have remained the same. It just depends on what your friendships/relationships are like. If you have a friend who is really lethargic (like you might have been prior to weight loss) and suddenly you're off playing and doing things, this person may feel left behind. Or jealousy sometimes rears up. It's interesting the dynamics of it all.
   — [Deactivated Member]

April 27, 2003
Great question! Like everyone else, I have some friendships that became stronger following surgery. Others kind of waned. A gal I'd known since we were kids no longer speaks to me. She's always been slender so I haven't figured that one out yet. My marriage is better for the most part. Hubby's biggest complaint was always that I rarely had the energy for sex as often as he wanted it. Now he has trouble keeping up with me! I thought he'd be jealous of the attention other men give me but, bless his heart, he isn't. He figures they may flirt with me but I go home with him so why be jealous? I miss the friends I've lost over this but still wouldn't do anything different if given the choice. Best of Luck.
   — Pam S.