Question:
Feeling Guilty that I'm not overweight enough.
I know that I'm morbidly obese (5'2", 240), and that I have lots of medical problems, but sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not "enough" overweight to have this surgery. Sometimes I think it's a feeling of unworthiness, like I got myself into this, why should I expect someone to get me out of it. Please don't send me flame mail, I just want to know if anyone else felt/feels the same way. Thanks. — Gail M. (posted on April 19, 2001)
April 19, 2001
I don't think you should feel guilty, any bmi over 40 is considerd morbidly
obese, i am also 5'2 and i was 267 at the time of my surgery, and i do not
feel one bit guilty, this is somthing i needed to help me gain control, and
i don't think you should feel guilty one bit:)
— sandra M.
April 19, 2001
This not to flame you. But how over weight must you be. I have felt the
same way you have. Honey you are worthy to save your life and feel good
about yourself. You just describe all the medical problem you are having. I
had the surgery because I couldn't control myself. The surgery was just the
tool I needed to help me gain some control in my life. Sometime we can't
help we like food. A lot of times we used food as a crutch to some other
problem we are having in our lives which lead to us feeling that we are not
worthy of anyone loving us or doing something that is going to make our
life more fulfilling. Sometime we need help to get us out of situation we
put ourselves in. I know I needed help putting some control back into my
life. This surgery was just something I needed to do. So just throw that
guilty feeling out the window and do what you must do to get a handle on
your life.
— Sharon T.
April 19, 2001
Gail, you should not feel guilty. I was 5'2" and 230 lbs at my surgery
12/4/00. I knew I was one of the "small" ones, but had a BMI of
about 42. However, I knew with unwavering certainty that diets just didn't
work for me, and that my weight would continue to climb. I'm almost 40, and
made a decision to change my life. I didn't want to go on the way I was---I
wanted to start living life with my husband and kids instead of watching
from the sidelines. I would suggest that you write down all the reasons why
you want to have WLS, and read it when those negative feelings come
creeping in. When I had some low points after surgery, I got out my list
and it helped me remember why i was doing it. Sometimes we lose sight of
the big picture. Hope this helps! Take care.
— Susan S.
April 19, 2001
HUGS to you!!!! Although I can understand your feelings, don't do that!!!
I too have recieved my share of, "you're such a lightweight!"
But, I do know that most of those WISH they had done it when their bmi's
were 40, 41, 42, 43,.....I had my surgery 5 months ago when I was 270, bmi
44.3, I'm 5'7" and I'm glad I did it NOW, and not later....think of
how much more fun you are going to have SOONER, rather than suffering to
become so obese you are sicker than now! HUGS, hold your head up high and
be proud you are who you are! I applaud you.
— Jo C.
April 19, 2001
I am 5'8", 260lbs, so I have a 39 BMI. A number of people have said I
don't look fat enough for the surgery. My arthritic knee and swollen
ankles beg to differ. I am 22, so my body is probably more compact than
someone older who has had children. But I am more than 100lbs overweight
and I don't feel that I should have to continue to gain weight rather than
use this tool.
— PT LawMom
April 19, 2001
You did not get yourself into being overweight. You have a medical
condition recognized by the insurance and medical communities. So many
insurance companies are paying the thousands of dollars for the surgery,
and they are doing it for monitary and not humanitarian reasons. They now
know that a lifetime of morbid obesity is going to cost them much more in
claims that it costs for the WLS surgery. If you're anything like me (and
most of us) your weight and obesity related issues are not going to get
better with time. You're well within the accepted guidelines for WLS. You
are as worthwhile as anyone else and just as deserving to take care of
yourself, your health and happiness, even if it takes surgery to do so. I
just had my surgery 6 days ago. My pre-op BMI was 42. I did not feel too
thin for surgery for one second. If we don't take care of ourselves, no one
else is going to. If these feelings are the only thing stopping you from
WLS, please, think again and realize that you deserve health and happiness
as much as anyone else. My only regret is that I could have had the surgery
sooner. Don't delay. You're worth it!
— Jeanne R.
April 19, 2001
If you meet the criteria, go for it. It's a lot easier to meet your ideal
weight with a lower BMI. Best wishes.
— [Deactivated Member]
April 19, 2001
Hi: i just calculated your BMI AND IT IS 43.9. You are over the
recommended 40 bmi, I say go for it hon! Lorraine
— Lorraine L.
April 19, 2001
I see you have received a lot of answers to your post, but thought I would
add my "two cents worth." Last night there was a one hour special
on bariatric surgery on TV. One of the doctors interviewed commented on the
stigma of being overweight and how many people, even physicians, have this
attitde that surgery is not appropriate because overweight people got that
way all by themselves. His response was so cool. He said we can't look at
it that way. If a person were shot because they were trying to commit a
crime, he as a physician wouldn't think twice about treating them. This is
one area where society seems to think it is okay to blame the victim, even
if we are victims of our own behavior. He pointed out that there are many
causes for obestiy and it is time so stop judging if people deserve
treatment. It is so ingrained in us that we even judge ourselves. "Oh,
I should just stop eating so much." We all know it is not so simple.
If it were we would all be thin. It just doesn't matter how we got this
way, we all deserve the help to get ourselves better. I am 5"2"
also, and 230. I am scheduled for surgery May 18. I can't wait!
— blank first name B.
April 20, 2001
I would like to thank all of you for your post and thank all of you for
your e-mails. They have all given me food for thought (pardon the pun :) I
realize that I would only continue down this path and someday I might be
over 300 and then I would have that much more to lose. So again, thank you
all for you wonderful post and e-mails. Gail
— Gail M.
July 13, 2004
I am 5ft. and weigh 207 and cannot get around without a lot of pain. I've
stopped telling people about my upcoming surgery because they are not
supportive. As far as guilt: time it! I give guilt a time limit depending
on the severity of the issue. Some issues get as little as 30 seconds, some
may get a whole 30 minutes. So, set your watch and you decide, then: LET
IT GO!!!!!
— dianne O.
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