Question:
I'm afraid. raped by dad from age 7-16, gang rape @15. How do you handle the fear?
How do you handle the fear of being "discovered" again as a woman without the fat coat? Should I tell the doctor of my fears? — [Anonymous] (posted on April 2, 2001)
April 1, 2001
First & Foremost TELL your Dr. amd get help NOW!!!
None of the awful things that happened to you were your fault !
You very much need to be at peace with your self !
I'll remember you in my prayers !
God Bless YOU !
— kountry
April 1, 2001
Hi Hon...I agree, first of all these incidents were NOT your fault....tell
your doctor & seek councelling. I was also a child of
molestation....and personally for me, I had councelling and very
importantly....learned to forgive MYSELF...for the blame I had put on
myself!! I can now NOT wait to have this surgery...and in CONTROL of my
life...no longer allowing fears of men...fear of food...or feelings of
worthlessness control me!! Good Luck in your search for you!! Luv Ya,
Karan
— chance2lv
April 1, 2001
I've had to deal with the same awful issues. I've been in therapy for over
a year now, and I think I'm finally ready to do something about getting
thinner & healthier. Please, please, please find a professional you
can talk to. This is common among survivors of sexual assault, so don't
think you're alone in this struggle. Take care of yourself, and think about
the other ways you can protect yourself (other than the "fat
coat") that will not endanger your own helath- you've been through
enough mess because of all of this!
— [Anonymous]
April 2, 2001
I'd suggest looking for a therapist that practices "cognitive
therapy". How to deal now with demons from the past. It works for
me, I lived in the past for too long. I agree with all the others who
suggest getting help now to get your head screwed on straight before all
your efforts are sabotaged by negative feelings from the past. Heartfelt
wishes for success, Girlfriend. You're a survivor - you CAN do it.
— Lynn E.
April 2, 2001
please go get some counseling you will feel so much better..im praying for
you and can totally relate to your fears my pass is kind of the same as
yours dear
— [Anonymous]
April 2, 2001
I have not had your experiences and can only say to please, please seek out
therepy. I just wanted to add my support and wish you the very, very best
in life. YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SPECIAL!!!! And there ARE
people who really do care about you. God bless. I will include you in my
prayers.
— Paula G.
April 2, 2001
I have a slightly different point of view about telling the doctor. I'm in
therapy.. a long timer. I tell THAT doctor everything; but I did NOT tell
my SURGEON any of my "STUFF". The shrink and I talked about
this. We agreed that all the surgeon needed to deal with was whether or
not I was medically fit for the surgery and had the appropriate support for
any resulting psychological issues. I would NOT give the surgeon an
opportunity to play therapist. THEY may decide, regardless of what you and
your therapist believe that THEY don't want to do the surgery because of
your issues. I'm not saying to HIDE.. I'm saying to be selective about
telling - only tell those from whom it is in your best interest to do so.
My 2 cents.
— BethVBG
April 2, 2001
WOW - Can I ever relate!!! This is a very private revelation on my part but
I am posting publicly in case there are others who might be interested.
I was molested by my uncle continuously over a 3 year period AND raped when
I was away in college at age 19. I will be 45 tomorrow so it's been a few
years. I chose to bury it for years and told NO ONE until about 10 years
ago. Once I told my family and got help, it took longer to overcome it than
had I done it at the time, but it is possible to put it behind you. I feel
like I have put it behind me 100% EXCEPT FOR MY WEIGHT! That's why I'm
having surgery. I spent too many years hiding behind my weight and
developed eating habits I cannot break on my own now. With diets I lose
successfully but gain it back.
My psychologist whom I totally trust has worked with me for the past 10
years. He wrote a letter to the surgeon supporting my surgery. He is going
to work with me through losing weight and facing the fear, even though I
know they are unrealistic. He has given me many statistics that prove
molestation and rape has nothing to do with how fat or thin one is, how
attractive or ugly, how high or low the self-esteem but ALL to do with the
mental disease of the attacker. No matter, it is still very fearful for
those of us who have experience it and we still feel protected by the
weight!
Like everyone else, I recommend that if you have not already, please find a
counselor you trust (it took me several before I found one I could TOTALLY
trust) and work through the entire ordeal. One way I worked through it was
to write poetry - I sometimes can't verbally express my feelings but I can
put them on paper. I'll share those with you if you want. Once you deal
with those fears, that same counselor can help you as you lose weight.
If you want to email me, please do. [email protected]
You have my prayers and total support through this. I am hoping to get
approval any day and have surgery in April. I wish you the best! I'm
sending a big tight hug to you too!
Anika
— Anika R.
April 2, 2001
I am so sorry to that happend to you! And to everyone else too!
Oh how I wish things like this didnt exist and happen! Fortunatly
that never happend to me, but I cant even begin to imagin what you
have been through. I just wanted to say that you DESERVE the BEST, and
are worth EVERYTHING!! Please try to remember that and I know that
this might sound dumb but it actually WORKS! Everyday, that you pass a
mirror
look at yourself and tell yourself something good about yourself.
Try to say it out loud if possible (dont want people thinking your
crazy.like they
do me...lol)and I know that it sounds weird, but it does build your self
esteem.
At first you will feel ridiculus and not believe it but after a couple of
weeks
you will start to believe whatever it is that you tell yourself and buile
self confidence
and inner strength! Please give it a try it helped me regain confidence,
and to realize that I am
beautiful even though Im fat. I know that your situation is TOTALLY
different, BUT maybe this will
help you with some self esteem along with whatever professional help that
you get as well as spiritual!
Once again Im so sorry and I send you my prayers and a great big teary
(((HUG)))
YOUR CYBER BUD CALI GIRL TAM
— CALIGIRL T.
April 2, 2001
I have no answer for you....
But this I do know
You have value
You are worth it
You deserve to live a wonderful life
You are worthy of Love
You must look at the past and not bury it and then close the book
It is Your time to shine
Go for the surgery
It will change your life in so many positive ways
Think positive things
let no negitive thoughts enter your mind
surround your self with postive people
say afframations...like " I am beautifl, I deserve this "
and after a while you will feel this
ask God to watch over you
You will be fine
Life is Good
and its
your Turn
good luck on the rest of your life
* Today is the first day of the rest of your life*
GO GIRL
— Kathleen M.
Click Here to Return