Question:
Suggestions on what to do about daughter?
I have an 11 year old daughter who is very overweight (about 190 and 5'). I am know thinner than she is and it breaks my heart to see her suffering. I don't know what to do for her. We were walking together and she could barely keep up and tired out long before I did, I tried cutting back on junk in the house but she would plead and beg for things like pizza and chips. I feel like crying just sitting here thinking about this. I love her with all my heart and I know exactly how she feels being fat. Next fall she starts a new school with alot more kids and I am so afraid there will be alot of harrassment. PLEASE help with suggestions on what to do. — [Anonymous] (posted on November 10, 2000)
November 9, 2000
I wish I had an answer! I have a 14 year old daughter who is overweight,
and she is so upset that I will be smaller than her after my surgery. I
was hoping that the things you are doing, like walking with her and keeping
the junk out of the house, would work. I don't want to get her started on
the diet roller coaster I've been on, but I want to help her so much. I
hope you get some good answers. Please feel free to e-mail me
([email protected]) even if we can't help our daughters we can support each
other!
— Gretchen T.
November 10, 2000
I have a son. He is only 3 but he has my genes and I fear for him too. I
have to say this becayse it is on my mind but why not find out about the
less restrictive versions of the surgery for our children. I am not saying
throw them under the knife I am saying look into it. We know the results of
dieting for some can lead to a successful lifestyle change. It can work if
its looked at like that. I am also wondering if we know what we know, why
not design some type of relief for Kids. I am saddened by the fact that I
may have to watch him suffer before anything can be done. I also must say
that if I see surgery as an option for him I will use it.
— Courtrina Amur W.
November 10, 2000
I have a co-worker who has a 15 year old daughter who was Morbidly
Obese(according to her BMI). After she had the WLS 2 years ago, she had it
performed on her daughter. I originally was shocked to hear that someone
would have something so major done to their daughter at that age. But after
learning that her daughter was 150lbs overweight,extremely depressed and
they had tried just about every diet, I thought that may be something I
would possibly do had I been in the same situation. Her daughter is now
happier and healthier than ever and after speaking to her, so says he Mom
saved her life. With her Mom, Grandmother and both Uncles being overweight
(1Uncle died of a massive Heart Attack at age 40) genetics would prove that
she would also have a weight probelm.
I'm not saying that this decision is for everyone, but It worked for her.
Good Luck
— [Anonymous]
November 10, 2000
I am not trying to be preachy- so please don't take this as "I know it
all"- as I don't and I don't even have children, but what I am reading
here makes me think of ME growing up, and what my parents DIDN'T do...
Which was communicate on anything period.
The dangers of over eating, the dangers of drinking, the dangers of
smoking, sleeping around, saving your money, spending wisely, going to
college. You name it- if you have information that will benefit your
child- give it to them.
I think your child is at an age where she needs to know what is good food
and what is not- she can be responsible for certain aspects of her life-
such a food choices. I really feel that kids are adaptable, they relearn
easier than adults. Maybe a simple discussion on why you do not want to
buy these foods anymore (ie their ingrediants), will show her reasons,
rather than just saying "NO". I think the first time I saw a
smoker's lung, it pretty much cured me of my desire to light up, maybe you
could show her what heart disease looks like. Maybe making a lower fat
pizza would work- get her involved with preparing meals, grocery shopping
and researching menus & recipes. If she is young, it is so much easier
to change her weight NOW with meal changes and exercise, than it will be
when she is older...
Good Luck!
— Karen R.
November 10, 2000
I have two daughters, ages 11 & 13. They are not obese, but could lose
10-20 lbs (they are both tall). Last summer, I notice the weight creeping
up on my youngest, and I was mortified! I had started gaining weight at
age six, so I thought if they got past that age, they would stay slim.
Well, because both my daughters have said, "I'm fat" from time to
time, I banished any notions of diets. Instead, I made it clear to them
that I would no longer bring 'goodies' into the house - that if they wanted
them, they'd have to walk to the store with their own money to get them. I
made it clear it wasn't a total ban on goodies. Secondly, I make my
daughters walk or ride their bikes everywhere. I do not any longer give
them rides. Since my youngest goes to school nearly 1 mile away, she is
getting very good exercise everyday, and as a result, she has lost the
tummy that started creeping up on her. No fights, no tantrums...just a
little "Awww, Mom!" What to do? Just love her, love her, love
her! Help her find things she enjoys doing so she can establish friends
and social contacts with people with whom she shares interests. Keep
pushing her self-esteem and let her know how wonderful she is. If she is
creative, put her in art classes so she can express her creativity and feel
good about herself and earn praise and acceptance from others that way.
Find her talents and explore them. Good luck and God bless you and your
daughter!
— Allie B.
November 10, 2000
Hi there. I am in the same predicament actually. I have a 12 year old
daughter who is 4'10 and 140 pounds and larger than any of her friends that
I have seen. She started a new school last year and yes, the kids made fun
of her. I have cryed over this because I know in my heart that this is
genetic and feel somewhat responsible. Of course, before the surgery, I
contributed to this weight gain because I always had "junk" in
the house. Now I am smaller than her (much) and she sees that. Believe it
or not, she doesn't have any idea that I had weight loss surgery. just
thinks I had my gall bladder out. (I didn't want her blabbing this to my
ex and she definately WOULD have.) She is at the point that she says she
doesn't care what others think of her and that if they don't like her, she
doesn't need them...that's great for now, but I know that in high school
when all other girls are dating, she will feel awful. I have also seen
heavy girls with low self esteem date jerks who take advantage of them
because the girls feel worthless. I don't want that to happen to her. I
don't really have an answer as she says she doesn't want to diet and so I
just watch what she eats but.....she goes to other people's houses and eats
alot of junk too. I can't control that. It's so hard and I don't have an
answer but, I honestly don't think that I would get this surgery for a
child under 18. When she is an adult she can make up her mind as to
whether she wants this. It's a way of life for the rest of your life and I
would want her to be an adult and make that decision herself as a mature
young lady. Of course, I have had alot of problems with my surgery and so,
I certainly don't want her to have these problems too. Perhaps she would
have no problems at all but, I would rather she be older first. Please
write if you feel like it. Seems we have alot in common with the children.
Good luck to you and to all of our children who suffer from the harshness
of other children and adults.
— Barbara H.
December 3, 2001
I too have an over weight child. He is 12 and a beautiful boy. He is about
50 lbs. over weight. He is thinking the same self defeating thoughts I
thought when I was young and going through what he is. I'm so hoping that
when I get my surgery in Dec and my life changes that I can pass that on to
him through major life style chages. We are going to join the local YMCA.
One of the biggest reasons I am going to do this surgery is so that I can
be active again. Exersize is the key for me and I think it will be the key
for him as well. If that does not work then I don't know what else to do
for him.
— Lisa T.
December 3, 2001
I can totally relate. I have two stepdaughters (14 and 17), they are both
obese. They are both around 5' and the 14 year old weighs approximately
200 lbs, while the 17 year old weighs 275 (more than her own dad). She
also has muscular dystrophy and have been told by numerous doctors to lose
the weight or it will kill her. I really would like to see her pursue this
surgery, but her mother would be totally against it. I am not sure who to
confront her on the subject as she won't have anything to do with me. I
also believe that if she was to have this surgery, she would not be
complaint, which is frustrating, but what can we do. I know this did not
answer your question, but thought I'd express my feelings / thoughts also.
(open RNY 60" distal 08/28/01 -54 lbs)
— trtorrey
December 3, 2001
Hey there, well for starter's I am 19, so tecnically you could say I'm
still a kid if you want. I have been overweight all my life, and this has
put a great amount of emotional stress on my life. You know for a fact that
if your daughter is overweight she is going to deal with ridicule from
somewhere, sometime in her life, but the one thing that I know for sure, is
when I came home some days crying, and embarrassed, I always had my mother
to talk to, and she alway made me feel better about myself. I can honestly
say that my mother is my very best friend because of this, and she has
always tried to help me. One thing that I would not recommend for you to do
is....do not "out of the blue" suggest that she go on a diet,
because that will make her feel worse, it'll make her feel like her mother
thinks she's fat too, ya know. But you should wait for that right time when
you know she's looking for help, and not just a shoulder to cry on. Hope
this helps. Best of luck to you, and your daughter :)
— Jennifer M.
December 3, 2001
I have a daughter that is slightly over weight not bad, but I see her
making the same choices and having the same habits that got me to where I
am today. I am looking at this surgery as a new start for both of us. She
is going to eat her food as slowly as I do, no more rushing through meals.
She is going to chew, chew, chew and smaller bites, no more chipmuck faces
with food stuffed in them. She is going to cut her portions down and eat
healther just as the whole family is. My DH bought me a bike so the two of
us could ride together. I think so many eating habits are passed down and
together we are going to break those habits.
— [Anonymous]
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