Question:
Writing letters to children

I have been reading alot about writing letters to loved ones befor the surgery in case something happens. People talk about howthey have wrote letters to their children. I personaly think this is a good idea but my question is this ....what do you do if your kids are very young? My oldest daughter will be 8 in August my son is 4 1/2 and my youngest daughter just turned 5 months. Any advice in a case lke this?    — Becky M. (posted on June 16, 2002)

June 16, 2002
My date is 8/12 and I have decided to write to my 2 kids and my hubby. My son is 7 and I wrote him a simple letter trying to explain where I am (in Heaven with Jesus) and how much I love him. I am also writing one for him when gets older. In the letter to his dad, I told him that one day Jake would be asking a lot of questions about me and that was the 'right' time to give him the other letter. For my daughter who will turn 2, 5 days before my wls, a cassette of me reading her fav story and telling her where I am and how much I love her, and a letter for when she is older.
   — cherokey55

June 16, 2002
Man, this is a depressing subject. Just thinking about leaving behind young children makes me all teary eyed. But I guess it is something you should do just in case. I would recommend writing a letter for every big event in a childs life and giving the letters to your husband to give to your children at every event. For example, a letter for prom, graduation, wedding, first baby, etc. That way your children will feel like you are right there with them in spirit.
   — Sarah K.

June 16, 2002
I am pre-op and have attempted to write these letters several times, but I would get very emotional and would have to stop. (My boys are 13 and 3.) I felt the need more for my younger son because I can talk to my 13 year old and explain it all to him in a way that for the most part he understands. My baby- well, he is of course too young and I wouldn't even try to explain any of it to him. My letter to him is basically about how much I love him, how I felt when I first saw his darling face and why Mama needed this surgery. My main concern was not wording it to where if in the event I passed on, that he would not hold any guilt. For example, I had originally said that I wanted this surgery so I could be more of a mommy to him (playing outside, taking fun trips), but I realized that he might think that if it wern't for my wanting to be more active for HIM,...you know. It's a really difficult thing to think about and articulate well for your children, no matter the age. As morbid as it sounds, for me, the best way to write down how you feel is to think of what you would want to say if you were already on the otherside. It's so hard, but I couldn't bare to leave my children with not even a "goodbye". (tears are welling up!)
   — karmiausnic

June 16, 2002
I couldn't ever get all the way through my letters to my children and extended family - I ended up sitting down in a quiet place and positioning the video camera right on me and I did a quiet one using some notes I had jotted down. As soon as I made it through and knew I was out of the woods - I destroyed it. I should have kept it, I guess but it was like a living person will, I guess. I told my kids everything I needed to and my grandson was only 9 months old at the time so I had a lot to say to him about what he had brought into my life thus far and what I wished for him in the future. I believe with all my heart that we should tell people every day of our life how much we love them or how much they mean to us - it would help if anything ever happens unexpectedly, you know? The last person to leave my life and many in my past who have made their transition from this life time - the last thing I said to them was "I love you" and many times...MANY times, it's the only thing that has helped me get through the hard times and when looking back. Our bodies are merely a suitcase for the soul - we should allow those soul-full feelings to come through more. Good luck to you, my friend - I hope you allow yours to shine through your message to your loved ones.
   — Lisa J.

June 17, 2002
First I want to thank every one who took the time to answer my question. Next i want to say that after thinking about it for awhile i have desided that i am not going to write the letters to my kids. It just seems so negative and this surgery is going to be a positive event in our lives. I started scrap books for each of my kids the day i found out that i was pregant with them. At first i just wrote about what it was like to carry them then to give birth after they were born i added little "pieces" of their life to it like my daughters first lost tooth and clipings from my sons first haircut. I also put news paper clipings of important things that happen during their child hoods. And yearly i have added a letter telling them what it was like to be their mom and how they had changed over the year as well as photos (though few of my self i must admit). So i think what i am going to do is just add a few pages on my jorney to WLS and why i started it and a few pics, stuff like that. I am well aware of the negatives of this surgery but i dont choose to dwell on them.
   — Becky M.