Question:
Why do I feel that I don't deserve the chance to have WLS?

I have been overweight since I was a teenager. For about the same length of time I have had serious issues with depression. I had come to a point in my life where I accepted my weight and I was happy with myself but then I started having medical problems (arthritis and high blood pressure at age 25). My four doctors and my family then started a crusade to get me to lose weight and one suggested gastric bypass. I do meet the criteria of 100lbs overweight, just barely, but my bmi is about 38. I feel so depressed and I hate myself, but I feel like, "Who am I to think I deserve this suregery, there are people out there in much worse shape than me that are being denied." My insurance will approve me, my doctors and family are encouraging me, I want this very badly, I just feel like I'm not worth the effort. All this sudden attention on my weight has sent my self esteem back into the toilet. Please let me know if anyone has felt this way and how you've felt once you're "on the other side."    — cjabates (posted on March 17, 2002)

March 17, 2002
Hi Amanda, I think you do deserve to have this surgery,provided it's something you want. You say you are 100 pounds overweight and are having medical problems due to excess weight...don't worry that there are people "worse off than you" being denied. Don't allow yourself to suffer any longer out of guilt for those who aren't being accepted for surgery. Take care of YOU! You deserve it.
   — Samantha S.

March 17, 2002
Amanda, I didn't get my approval till my third attempt with my insurance. Sure hon, there are those that will be rejected by their insurance, but if YOU want the surgery and YOU can get approved, I promise you, those people will be absolutely THRILLED for you... I have yet to meet a person who "suffers" from MO that likes to see another person in the same boat. Or thinks because they can't get approved no one else should be. If you're having these problems at 25 , and I can totally sympathize, I did too, then you need it just as much as them. Your problems will only get worse as you get older, and you should be able to enjoy yourself now.. </p> I didn't like my health problems either before I had surgery, I was entirely TOO young to be having them.. guess what.. no more.. I'm swollen from increased sodium intake but : I am three months post-op and I feel wonderful!! Absolutely Wonderful!! I am still at about 425 lbs down from 513, and those 88 lbs have been the best things that have ever happened to me.. ! You are VERY worth it! Good luck on your journey! and PLEASE feel free to write me if you need to talk!
   — Elizabeth D.

March 17, 2002
Well, look at it this way ... even by NOT having surgery, you're not going to be allowing people worse off to get the surgery. You'll just be denying yourself! If your insurance covers WLS, I say GO FOR IT!!!! It's the best thing I ever did for myself and has improved my self-esteem ten-fold.
   — Terissa R.

March 17, 2002
Hi... I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I am 21, but have been overweight my WHOLE life and had come to terms with it. I didn't really think much about being fat until I got weighed in at the gyno at 269. When had that happened? When my mother suggested WLS, I could hardly believe that I had gotten to that point. Once I decided on it as the right path for me, I focused on my body and weight like never before. It started making me depressed- didn't want to get dressed or go out (VERY not like me). It's like I was seeing myself as fat for the first time, so I assumed others were to. Then I had an epiphany... it IS what is inside that counts, I am more than the sum of my physical parts. That the surgery was going to get my health under control before it got bad and really effected my quality of life. I am now 2.5 months postop, down 35ish pounds, down 1.5 pants-sizes, and feeling great. The cool person on the inside is getting to show even more now- already I am more outgoing and happier, even though I wasn't 'unhappy' before I had surgery. If you are committed to becoming healthy, don't let guilt for others stop you. This is for YOU! Check out my profile if you want more of my thoughts of this whole journey- I've kept it pretty faithfully, maybe it will help to read about a whole experience. Good Luck!
   — Angela B.

March 17, 2002
Boy was I depressed pre op. Just thinking of having my insides cut open and rearranged wiped me out. But I went ahead and had surgery, and have NOW lost 125 pounds. I feel awesome and my depression went away. Some get depressed over our health and appearance. It appears I was one of them and am so happy these days. You can do it too!
   — bob-haller

March 17, 2002
hi ammnda...i to felt that i didnt deserve wls but after talking to my mother who has a abundance of wisdom i has a lightbulb moment and reliased that i used my food most of the time for reward or punishment and when i was in a negative frame of mind or i was freaking out about the thought of weight loss this is when i started the negative thought process and started putting obstacles and thoughts in my way as a stumbling block....once i started to feel positive i focused on surviving the surgery and orgainising how to cop with the daily chores postop... i arent saying you are in a negative thought pattern i am kust pointing out for me it swung on a daily basis on what sort of mood i was in mood to how i felt toward wls.. hope this helps....
   — Rachel F.

March 17, 2002
Hi, This is the first time that I have answered a question on the Q & A Board, but your question struck home with me. When I asked my PCP why I was feeling so much better both physically and emotionally post op, he said that having the surgery and having to follow an eating plan and exercising gave me a focus in my life. And that giving a depressed person something to focus on and look forward to (the weight loss) was better than any medication he could prescribe. Of course you deserve to have the surgery. Depression and weight gain go hand-in-hand and believe me if you already have medical problems, those kinds of things don't get better with age. You are not taking someone else's place in line if they have been denied by their insurance company. Talk to your PCP, you may need some medication to help relieve your depression and get you feeling good enough about yourself to realize that you do deserve to do something great for yourself and GO FOR IT GIRL!
   — Kaye S.