Question:
Help with body image problems. What do I really look like?

I don't know if this will help others, but it is something I am working out. I have lost 60 pounds. Somedays I feel much lighter that others. As the holidays approach, we will be around more camaras. Someone gave me a picture from Halloween and I was crushed to see I looked as fat as ever. This is the thing that used to kill old diets-like what was the point. But this is the important thing, do not let these images pull you away from the big picture. My dear friend who had battled weight like me and is as honest as the day is long, spend an afternoon helping me refocus. Sometimes a picture doesn't do you justice. Light and angle do matter. Sometimes what you see really isn't true. Hey maybe that outfit should be retired. Do not focus on what is not just right, and focus on what is. I am healthier, I weigh less than I did as a freshman in high school, and I am happy with the "big picture". Please don't avoid the camara, be proud so you will be a participant in your life rather than an observer. So when you see the pictures of yourself this holiday season look for all the positives and how far you have truely have come. Have a Happy Holiday!!!!    — Suzanne R. (posted on December 1, 2000)

December 1, 2000
I have days like that. Sometimes I feel like I'm done I've lost enough and other days I feel like I have to lose 30 more pounds, get a tummy tuck and swim 2 hours a day. It is confusing because on one end I am just grateful to have lost as much as I have and another I want perfection. I see pictures of myself and think 'wow, I could look so much better with just a little more effort.' You're right the big picture is always there. Our windows of opportunity are about 18 months or more so we cannot be unreasonable and discouraged so early on. Losing weight takes time and toning takes time. The smart thing to do is to look at how may pounds we have lost so far instead of belaboring what we have left to lose. Works for me! Good luck, happy holidays... Jennifer
   — [Deactivated Member]

December 1, 2000
I totally understand how you felt. After I lost around 85 pounds my mom wanted the two of us to get Glamour Shots together...I was really excited. Then when I saw what I looked like next to my 125 pound tall and thin mother, I just died! It took me a whole week to get over the experience...but now I'm A-OK.
   — Tracey D.

December 1, 2000
Years ago, during one of my endless dieting cycles, I once heard someone at an Overeaters Anonymous convention describe her self-image as "looking into a mirror and seeing nothing". I think most of us, pre- and post-op, are like that -- at least in the beginning of post-op, and likely for an extended time after. I STILL don't know what I look like, really, seven months and -110 pounds later. I put on some of my 3X, 4X, or 5X clothes and am absolutely stunned when I look like I've melted inside them. I put on 1X clothes (my current size -- I can SMELL "regular" sized clothes from here), all the while thinking there's no way in hell anything that "small" will fit. I got my hair cut REALLY short yesterday, and am still amazed my head doesn't look like a peanut balancing on top of an overweight hippo. That was one of my goals pre-op -- to get my hair cut really short and have it look proportional with the rest of me. I guess our body image is something we'll all have to keep working on ... but, at least this Christmas, I probably won't just about faint when I see how big I REALLY was ... Joyous skinny grateful happy holidays to all!
   — Cheryl Denomy

December 1, 2000
I have the same problem with body image. For years, I got bigger and bigger, and really had no idea how big I was. Once in a while I would catch a glimpse of myself in reflection, or in a snapshot and be stunned at what I saw. Now, I have lost my excess weight, and still wish I really knew what I look like. I know I am thinner than I give myself credit for, but I just can't see it when I look in the mirror. I have heard of other WLS'ers trying to gain perspective on their size by asking their friends or children to point out other people in the mall or at the beach who are about the same size as them. I wish I had someone who would do this for me! I will look at other people sometimes and wonder, am I bigger than her, or smaller than her? Too bad it is taboo to walk up to a stranger and ask their clothes size!
   — Lynn K.

December 1, 2000
Suzanne, In answer to your post I wanted to just add my two cents. I am 19 months postop and have lost all of the weight that I was supposed to and more to be honest. I now weigh 118 and am 5'3. Funny thing is this...most people who see me tell me how "tiny" I am. I just can't see it...not even after all of these months. They see me with clothes on and I see me naked. I see all the flaws and all the fat and skin still there. I just don't know if I will ever see myself as thin. I spent too many years hearing how large I was and I think it's ingrained in my mind. I am in a size 4 and logically, I know that that is not large but, I keep thinking that if only I could be in a size 2 I would look alot better. Most probably, like someone told me today, I need to seek counceling for this but I wanted you to know that body image problems don't disappear suddenly for all of us. We spent too much of a lifetime hating what we looked like and it's hard to like ourselves now. At least for me. I know I look better but also know that there are things that could be better.
   — Barbara H.

December 1, 2000
I really got a kick out of Lynn's answer. My sister & I have both been losing weight--me thru wls, she thru the old-fashioned way, & we have been doing that....trying to point out to each other other women who are about the same size. It's really harder to do than you might think! Anyway, it sure is true that it's hard to have an accurate mental picture of yourself after having gone thru so much change. Sometimes trying on clothes, I'll put my arms in & feel how much smaller the shirt is & I will just KNOW this isn't going to fit...and then, it does! I used to know fairly closely if something would fit by how it felt with my arms inside it- now, I have no idea what will fit & what won't. I have also caught glimpses of myself in a window or mirror & not recognized myself. Now THAT is a weird feeling! I am hoping that with more time, I'll be better adjusted to my new self. I am frequently reminded of how much better I must look by how much better I feel. No chronic back, hip, or leg pain & that does still surprise me, too.
   — Kathy W.

December 1, 2000
I have to chuckle here because this question reminds my of a strange but funny thing that happened to me the pther day. I was walking to a meeting with a girlfriend at work and she told me to slow down. She laughed and told me that the more weight I lose the faster I walk and before long she wouldn't be able to keep up with me. I slowed down and told her that it just felt so good not to hurt so bad when I walk. She said to me, "You know, you walk completely differently now...you used to sort of waddle and now you walk so assuredly." The changes we experience happen not only in our bodies, but also in our souls.
   — Nanette T.