Question:
Is anyone in post op counseling for weight loss issues?

I am wondering how many issues related to dysmorphia, not being the fat lady, being sexier than ever, change in social power, are being handled by you all post-ops. Any comments?    — merri B. (posted on May 17, 2000)

May 17, 2000
I am not "post op" as of yet, not til July. I did loose 200 pounds over 20 yrs ago, though. I kept about 75% of it off for about 17 yrs. Then some very negative things (depression,etc) began happening in my life all at once. The weight seemed to pile back on. I was not doing the same things I'd been doing for 17 yrs prior to keep the wt off. Back to the question you asked about counseling after wt loss. I was in therapy for a very long time and I also read all I could get my hands on about emotional issues related to this problem. I found out a lot about myself. Maybe that is one of the reasons I was able to keep the wt down for so long of a time. I found that the massive amt of wt helped keep a "wall" between me and the people that I thought might "hurt" me in some way or another. I found that the lack of nurturing I had as a child could be found by using food to take it's place. I found that I ate to help me when I felt lonely, scared, nervous, upset, etc. I used food as a tool to handle my emotions.. emotions that I had not learned any other way to cope w/ in the past. I used food to keep a wall between myself and men. I did not trust men and what better way is there to keep them away from you than to get as fat as possible?! I learned that I did not like myself, nor did I take care of myself in the important areas of health. My self esteem was very low..don't know which came first, "the chicken or the egg." I learned that I got into relationships w/ abusive men and stayed there, cause I didn't think I deserved anymore..after all, who wants a fat woman??!!....an abusive man, that's who. He can control her and treat her anyway that he wants cause he knows how she feels about herself and probably won't leave no matter how cruel that he treats her! She thinks no one else will want her...and he helps to reinforce that idea regularly. I learned that I used the fat to keep from doing the things that normally would be required of me if I were thin. I had myself in the "victim" role and what better way to stay in that role, than to stay fat?? I used it to keep from getting on w/ my life..from getting emotionally close to others, especially men. I could go on and on..like when I was eating NO ONE could control me and tell me what to put in my mouth. Maybe they could in other areas, but not in the way that I ate. Oh, they tried to many times, but I "showed them"....I ate more and more. I didn't know any of these things prior to therapy, I don't think. If I did, I would not admit to them. I kept many "secrets"....and I learned that we are as sick as our secrets. I learned to deal w/ the skeltons in my closet and that opened a door to freedom that I never knew existed! I learned to be honest w/ myself and others. Maybe all these things are why I am so angry w/ myself right now for gaining this weight back after such a long time of keeping it off. I know that it is much harder for the morbidly obese to keep wt at a normal level. I struggled my entire life since age 9. Somehow, I thought that I would never gain the 200 lbs back, again..after all the hard work I went thru to keep it off, both physically and mentally...yet, all is not lost cause I know what I am about, now even though I gained wt back. I know how to deal w/ myself when I loose the weight, again. I may have to go back into therapy for a little while for a refresher course, I am not sure. I would STRONGLY SUGGEST that anyone loosing huge amts of wt get into therapy and deal w/ the hidden issues behind the huge food consumption. It will be a safeguard to help ensure that they weight stays off along w/ other things like eating right and exercise. After all, we took a big risk in deciding to get this surgery. Why not do all we can to insure that we keep the weight off. Weight does not magically stay off..no matter what tools that you use. You still have to work on it "one day at a time."...or it WILL COME BACK. I PROMISE.
   — kathy S.

May 17, 2000
I will be having surgery on 5/31. I am starting counseling this week. I fully believe that each of us should seek counseling to help us deal with the loss's we face in our loss of food, our relationshiip change with food, the loss of signifigant amounts of weight, and how we deal with others. I know that after being this large for so long I will not know how to "be" as a thin person. It seems scary to me that others will be looking at me and seeing me in a different way. Also, what does one do when, instead of leaning on food, we need solice?
   — twenc

May 17, 2000
Merri, Funny you should ask that question right now- I am going through hell (in counseling) as I try and figure out who I really am. I have hid so much from myself over the years as I stuffed feelings and memories down with food. Now that I am not stuffing, feelings and memories of an abusive childhood are rearing their ugly heads. I have been in and out of counseling over the past 12 years, and I know the last hurdle I have to get over is to feel everything that has happened to me and get past it. I never got past all this garbage cause I hid from it with the help of food. It has not been pleasant, to say the least, but it is necessary for me to make this surgery work for my lifetime. I refuse to let my past continue to affect my future, as well as my husband's and kid's futures! The dysfunction IS stopping with this generation:) Merri, if you are going through this, too, and want to write, please do. Perhaps we can bolster each other up- [email protected] Good Luck and thanks for asking a question that helps me to acknowledge what is happening to me!
   — M B.

May 17, 2000
Unfortunately I think the mental health field is woefully unprepared to help WLS patients adequately. I have had such a positive experience with this surgery muself that I have decided to use my own experience as a marriage and family therapist for 15 years and also as a WLS patient to improve education for clinicians about weight loss surgery. I hope to raise the bar at least a little in acceptance of these proceedures among professionals and to provide education and resource materials for therapists who want to learn more about how to help us. At the international meeting this month in New York I gathered over 50 signatures from clinicians around the country and even some overseas - all who work with the morbidly obese and who expressed a serious interest in learning more about the needs of our "population". We will be meeting again in Van Couver next year. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
   — Carol M.

May 17, 2000
I forgot to add in my last posting that I found out many things about myself thru being involved w/ Overeaters Anonymous, too..listening to others stories about how they struggled w/ food their entire lives and how they used food as a tool to handle life's problems. You might want to ck out a few meetings of OA to see if it might help you gain some insight of your own. You can find the central office of OA listed in your phone book. They will tell you where there are meetings in your own area.
   — kathy S.