Question:
I'd like to hear from WLS couples about their experiences

I've been on the answering side of the Q&A for months now. But this is my first question. I had my WLS last July - an open RNY - and I have done very well. I was down 152 pounds at my last weigh-in on 2/8/2003. My wife has just gotten approved for her lap RNY which will be on 5/6/2003. <p> I know that there are couples out there in AMOS-land where both spouses have had WLS - the Hallers and the Currans come to mind immediately but I know that there must be others. What were your experiences in dealing with your spouse both pre- and post-op? Any caveats? How did you help your spouse to avoid the obvious comparions to your experience? I know the old adages "everyone is different" and "your mileage may vary" but if the first spouse was a great success after their WLS and the second spouse was less so (or even more so) - how did you deal with that? Thanks...JR    — John Rushton (posted on February 22, 2003)

February 22, 2003
Hi John! My DS surgery was 6/19/00. Hubby's DS was 6/20/01. Our experiences were not too dissimiliar. My hospital stay was 2 days, his was 4 days. We were both lap. He actually seemed to bounce back a bit quicker than I did in terms of *feeling* normal. Took me 3 months, took him about 1 month. I ended up about 15 lbs. from my goal; he is about 25 lbs. from goal, so our results are similar. It was frustrating at times to see him making what I thought were mistakes, and I tended to try and tell him what he should do "for his own good." Sometimes he appreciated it, sometimes he didn't (and told me so). Mostly, we found it really interesting to see the differences between us. Our poor kids, however, are really hating the effect of a dual-DS team gassing up the house! We've become frequent shoppers at the Yankee candle shop. Honestly, I think his having the surgery probably saved our marriage. So much of our relationship activity was based on our both being obese, that when I became normal and he was obese, we found ourselves struggling. I believe our having had this shared experience has brought us closer and provided so much more understanding for the other. Good luck. -Kate-
   — kateseidel

February 22, 2003
My husband an I had surgery together and shared a hospital room. My daughter had the surgery 6 months later. Please check our profile.
   — faybay

February 22, 2003
Drop me a mail and we can chat on the phone. I had a much easier time than Jen, she missed her buddy food a lot. Males tend to loose fast, 120 pounds for me in 6 months, that bugs jen she is 14 months out and still hasnt lost that number but she is close.WLS was the best thing we ever did.
   — bob-haller

February 22, 2003
And you would, of course, be welcome to call either half of us, as well. (ph# is on my site) I was Oct 94, and Don actually didn't want me to get so excited about it. "It's not for everyone, he said." O k. I never said it was, but if they asked, OH BOY! At 9 months out, he said to me, "Do you still ENJOY food?" It was at that moment that I realized he was considering it. And I had to stop and think what the answer was. Yes, I stil enjoyed food, perhaps more than ever. The longer, slower chewing gave me chance to savor the flavors & textures more...... But as to the actual surgery, he had a post-op leak & I nearly lost him. He had 2 sx in 5 days. Then, fast forward tro real life. At FIRST, we tended to "police" each other. But now we work as a team. If I see him eyeballing the Twinkies at the convenince store, I wave a banana. If he sees me looking at the little 4 pack of Russel Stover, he offers me carrots (which I love). I mean, we work together to stay on the path. We make each other's proteins, we bring each other a glass of water. It's not a nag, it's a loving gesture. When I see the body language that tells me he's wanting something "illegal", I bring him a few apple slices, Ritz & PB on a plate, arranged nicely. It's nto a Twinkie, but it feeels like love & he loves his Ritz. We have couples in our love groups who were done same day, week apart, month apart, years apart. We see that both follow the program & do well. Neither follow it & do poorly. One does, one doesn't. So far, none of the couples WE have seen have split up, save one, who was miserable to start.
   — vitalady

February 22, 2003
Its all about getting healthy. I tried at first to help Jen but after some advice from the psych who approves all of us let her do her own thing. Early on she wasnt drinking enough water got dehydrated and emnded up in the hospital. Once I quit trying to give advice she wouldnt take it got better.
   — bob-haller

February 24, 2003
Hi John, I was done on Oct21,2002 and Dave was done Nov 22,2002. It was really hard for me the first month, but after he was done, it really became much easier for me. I have lost 80 lbs, so far and Dave's lost 60. We feel sooooo much better. We helped each other with measuring food, getting our binders on, and bending over to pick things up, etc. Now, we hope to talk our 19 year old son into it. He's 6'6" tall and weighs around 400 lbs. He scares us with his weight. Please feel free to email us.
   — Martha P.