Question:
My husband has been very supportive thru all of my weight issues

I love my husband so much and I'm looking forward to a new life with him very much involved. Why is the divorce rate so high? It seems if he loves you heavy, he will love even less of you more.    — Kathy V. (posted on January 14, 2003)

January 14, 2003
The way it was explained to me is that MO people have very low self-esteem and don't have the courage to get out of an already bad situation. As you lose the weight, confidence comes back and you feel like you don't need to put up with him/her/bad situation anymore. My doc's office said that the surgery won't make a bad situation better and the divorce rate for post-ops is like 50%. I don't think that 50% is much higher than the general population, though. My husband and I have struggled with our weight together for our 13 year marriage and for the 3 years that we dated, but this fact did scare me, too. I am 3 months post-op (RNY) and down 60 pounds. Hubby is trying to eat better but may consider surgery this year. So far, my surgery has made our marriage even stronger since I feel so much more energetic and happy. Good luck to you.
   — Yolanda J.

January 14, 2003
Makes me wonder how much age has to do with it. Of weomn who had WLS in their 40's, seems like a bad marriage got worse, and a good marriage became even better (my case). The ones that men seem to bolt out of fear that she will SEEM to be younger. Does it have to do with one's personal sense of security? I don't know, just asking.
   — vitalady

January 14, 2003
or seems he should love you more HEALTHY, at least love you longer (ie life span)...
   — Karen R.

January 14, 2003
Kathy, I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive husband! I do too, and I sure needed him and still do! He was my ROCK through everything. Immediately post op we walked together, and went to the gym together and have done everything as a team. Personally he has no weight issues and is very physically fit. But he enjoys being involved with this with me. He does my measurements with me every two weeks and he practically hand feeds me my vitamins. But then again, we always have done everything as a team. We celebrate the successes together and he listens to me complain that I can't eat that ice cream that he insists on keeping in the freezer! Oh well, can't have it all, huh? Now we can go backpacking, dancing, biking, swimming or anything we want together, without my weight getting in the way. Kathy, I think we are the lucky ones. I know I am. Good luck to you. (9 months post op- weight now 136lbs at 5'4")
   — A. S.

January 14, 2003
Kathy, I don't know why the divorce rate is up there with the WLS, I guess when we're large we have low self-esteem, we choose are partners out of the fear of being lonely. They say the bad only gets better. We need to remember that when we're big not to settle for anything less. We're still human and deserve the best out of a relationship. I learned that the hard way I'm on husband #2, both of them married me while I was a large girl. 2nd husband is a keeper, He's been with me threw everything and I didn't settle for anything less. It was a time in my life that I had so much self-confidence it was pouring out of the seams, and you know I was a big girl when I met him. Met him weighing in at 250, highest weight was 303, We've been married going on 8 years this September been together since 93, WLS does put a strain on any relationship, I believe whether a great relationship or a bad one. The best thing that you can do, If you love your husband and cherish him more then anything, (Like I do mine) re-assure him that you love him and keep re-assuring him. WLS is a rocky road, but if you hold him tight, treasure him, and let him know that WLS is a true roller coaster, full of mood swings and what nots... Its life changing let him know what to expect. My husband is 10 years older then I so I work even harder to re-assure him, as he keeps asking me where he fits in, in my life? , I keep telling him, in my arms and around my heart! The only thing that makes me happy is seeing him wake up next to me! Post op almost 8 months down 110 pounds
   — tannedtigress

January 14, 2003
I should really proof read what I type at times, the bad only gets worse.....
   — tannedtigress

January 15, 2003
I would expect that the divorce rate is somewhat high because of several different reasons. Some people "settle" when they are heavier for fear that noone will ever love them then they move on when they feel better about themselves. I am sure there are men AND women out there who have affairs and we all know that can do a marriage in. Some spouses just cannot handle the attention that the other is getting post-op and may become very jealous. There are also some that prefer a certain body type. This annoys me simply because if you truly love someone, you love them no matter what. Apparently not everyone feels that way, hence spouses leaving one another when they gain weight..............I am lucky to have a fantastic husband who loves me whole-heartedly as I do him. He is constantly telling me how great I look and how proud he is of me. But the best thing about my husband is he made me feel this way even <i>before</i> I lost the weight.........Karen (lap rny- 9/20/02- down 98 pounds!)
   — karmiausnic

January 20, 2003
I'm going through a rough time now in my marriage. My husband married me when I was heavy. I got the looks and the talk about being fat, now I'm getting the looks and compliments about my new skinny body and he feels very threatened. I'm also rethinking a lot myself. My whole outlook has changed and everyone goes through that.
   — dolphins94