Question:
Many Men are over weight why don't you see or hear a lot of them getting the surgery?

   — Jack C. (posted on March 17, 2002)

March 17, 2002
Hi Jack, check out Bob Haller's profile. Both he and his wife have had WLS. He's a wealth of info and Im sure he would be glad to answer any of your questions! Good Luck, Donna
   — donnalawbabe

March 17, 2002
At the risk of playing into stereotypes, men are not as avid communicators in this type of forum. There does not seem to be as strong a need for group support. I know my own husband (who had the surgery 8 months ago) has absolutely no interest in participating with either the online support venues, or the in-person groups.
   — kateseidel

March 17, 2002
I think it also has something to do with the fact that being overweight (not necessarily obese) is more socially acceptable in the US for men than it is for women. I'm sure that there are simply more women than men who get the surgery.
   — garw

March 17, 2002
I heard yesterday that there are many more overweight men in American than women ... yet there are 98% women on this board sharing their experiences with weight loss surgery. I agree with the poster who said it was more socially acceptable to be an obese man than an obese woman. We should never underestimate the social pressures that motivate this surgery, along with our concerns about health. Is this fair? NO. Is it real? You betcha.
   — Terissa R.

March 17, 2002
What Kate said. My husband is very involved with live support groups and with the patients with whom we work, but he's not in chatty groups like I am. He will occasionally look over my shoulder & enjoy the camaradarie by osmosis, but not like me. He summed it up for me by saying that MEN can "do it themselves" and don't think they need this "false" kind of help. I've found that to be fiarly accurate. But once they DO see the light, they often do better than women do!
   — vitalady

March 17, 2002
As the old folk/country song goes "I've looked at life from Both Sides Now". I've lived life as both genders and I can say that society is tougher on heavier women, than men. Women are fat slobs, and men are huskey, or whatever. Women are lazy, men are powerful when heavier. Or something like this. It is just more acceptable for men to be heavier. It is'nt fair, but life is'nt fair. As a fat woman (if I was ever a woman- lol) people would'nt make eye contact with me, which is a very lonely existance. When I had surgeries and saw life from the male side, I again enjoyed eye contact until the next 100. Seems a man can be heavier and not shunned so bad. Anyway, perhaps WLS in'nt as acceptable to men (ego's?). Having been on both sides gender wise, somethings are clearer to me, and yet other things are not. But having been on both sides, I see that women are made to suffer emotionally a bit more than men (as men are accepted at a heavier weight than women). And men have these giganic egos that won't admit they need help. These are only general things I've observed and everything "does'nt always fit the model"! This is my opinion after all I've been through over the years. And as far as I can see their are only two classes of people it is acceptable to make fun of, "the obese and christians". We are fair game.
   — Danmark

March 17, 2002
Hello Jack. Although I still come and read the posts (almost) daily, it's true I don't respond as often as I used to. There's a number of reasons. Mostly, it's the difficulty I feel most posters would have in relating to my WLS Journey. The reason most people post is because they feel something isn't going the way they had hoped, or they want advice on eating, exercise, etc. My weight loss (and return to health) was easy as pie, and without any effort on my part. If you read my profile, you will see. So I'm afraid that if I post that experience, I will just frustrate people more. Second, my philosophy of "How to determine Success" is the opposite of what most folks believe (and espouse on this site). There are cetain people here who are very successful, amazingly helpful, and highly respected. Unfortunately, I just happen to disagree with the tone and content of many of their posts. However, know better than to try to "compete" against them with my contrarian stance. I'd get crushed. So, I keep my renegade viewpoints to myself (except for the 2 - 3 times I just couldn't contain them). So, to sum up, I used to be a vocal cheerleader. Now, it seems I'm just a silent admirer. I wish you the best of luck. Kevin
   — meilankev

March 17, 2002
Donna thanks for the nice comment. 85% of WLS patients are women, according to the statiscs. Most me in MO couples only get surgery AFTER their wives reluctantly drag them along according to my surgeon. Yep for whatever reason most men dont post here. Now I am backwards, I post a lot and try to help here, went first for surgery my wife Jen is the one who joined me post op VERY reluctantly. If her health hadnt been SO bad no doubt she would still be THINKING of surgery. I am a promoter of surgery and within a week or so my local paper the Pittsburgh post gazette is doing a storey on WLS at my suggestion. More of my TRY to help others and get the word out. I will post a link when it appears. Photos and all. I have always been a open kinda guy and that may be part of my openess here. I have had very few problems and thank God nothing serious. Surgery was a walk in the park, now I CAN walk in the park. See my profile.
   — bob-haller