Question:
Why is everyone so discouraging when I tell them about surgery?
Actually i have 2 questions...first I am 23 yrs. old and EVERYONE is sooo discouraging! They tell me that it is too invasive and i should try the natural approach first. Second I know this sounds kind of dumb, but i'm really scared of surgery... would a person my age be less likely to have complications or die? — Amber F. (posted on March 13, 2002)
March 12, 2002
Amber, the people who aren't supporting you in WLS just love you and don't
want to see you make a drastic, life-altering choice unless you have
already tried dieting several times and failed. I had the RNY when I was
29, and I still had a lot of non-supporters telling me I was "too
young" to do WLS. At 407 lbs., I knew I needed this surgery, and I
ignored their naysaying. Now that I'm 166 lbs. lighter, they're eating
their words!
— Terissa R.
March 12, 2002
Hello. I am 21, and had the surgery on January 8. I am so sorry you don't
have lots of good support! I decided not to tell many people because I
didn't want their judgement- I only told those who would support my choice.
I don't know what to tell you except that you need to decide this for YOU,
and ignore what the nay-sayers think. I have been overweight ALL my life, I
didn't see a solution to it without something drastic. I am so glad I'm
getting my health under control before I develope diabetes, heart
conditions, and all the other painful side-effects of obesity. (My
co-mobids were PCOS, tendancy towards high blood pressure, and
almost-certainty that I'd develop diabetes).
As for death-- surgery is risky for all people, but I think that younger
bodies are better able to adjust. We haven't had YEARS of obesity to tire
our hearts and organs out. The encouraging thing for me was that my father
had this surgery, he had every co-morbid available and is 58- he came
through with flying colors. If his body can cope, I was sure mine could.
Talk to your surgeon, he may be able to calm your fears too. Good Luck! And
if you ever have any questions for a fellow young-person, drop me a line!
— Angela B.
March 12, 2002
Your young age shuld make surgery safer! My best friend since 1073 said I
was INSANE to even consider surgery. Guess what he is now it biggest
supporter! Has recommended it for his MO daughter. I laugh now about his
change in opinion. Attend support group meetings, meeting happy post ops
helps SO MUCH.
— bob-haller
March 12, 2002
The people who really matter to me have been incredibly supportive. For
those who haven't been, I 've decided that the best approach is not to
waste my time with long explanations etc. I say " thank you for
caring" and change the subject. It is kind of people to be concerned.
HOWEVER, most people who have never been MO are totally clueless about what
we have to deal with. Many people are uninformed about WLS as well. They
equate it with the old "stomch stapling" of years gone by. If the
person who is being unsupportive is someone very close, who's opinion
matters to you, take the time to educate them. This could also work to help
with your own trepidations. The more you inform and educate yourself, the
more comfortable you are likely to be with your decision.
— Bobbie B.
March 12, 2002
Amber ... don't you just love how everybody who doesn't know their armpit
from a bowl of Cheerios where WLS is concerned gets to have a NEGATIVE
opinion? I would venture that more than 99% of the post-ops on this site
(myself included) had at least one Negative Nellie in their life who saw it
as their holy mission to dissuade them from having surgery. These were the
people who "heard from my friend at work who told me about her second
cousin's third wife's daughter-in-law" who had the surgery, never lost
an ounce, had every complication in the book, nearly died ... yadda, yadda,
yadda. Or, "why are you taking the EASY way out? Why can't you just
go on a diet?" As if having major abdominal surgery is the easy way
to do anything. If you've made up your mind that this surgery is right for
you,listen to your heart. You know what's right, and what other people
think of you, or your choices, is none of your business. As for your age,
I wish to God I could have had this surgery when I was 23, instead of 43 --
would have saved myself a lot of heartache along the way! Warm,
encouraging thoughts no matter what you decide,
— Cheryl Denomy
March 13, 2002
I absolutely agree with Donna B's comment ~ the first posting. I believe
that people are scared or in fear of or make crummy comments about things
they are uneducated about. If I had it to do all over again, I'd
absolutely do it at an earlier age. Your health is better than it will be
10 years from now and you'll recover faster. What people don't seem to
understand is the yo-yo diet syndrome and trying it "the natural
way" is half of M.O. or S.O. patients worst enemy. I have literally
tore up my system and organs within from so much yo-yo dieting. If you
know in your heart and soul this is right for you - go for it. You've got
to live for you - putting self first, no matter how "self-ish"
that may sound. The fear factor is normal - it really is....I started an
egroup this morning for patients of the bariatric surgery or their family
members so that we can send each other positive thoughts / prayers / energy
throughout this major transitional ordeal. If you'd like some information,
write me at: [email protected].
Good luck to you !! We're here to support each other so start counting our
thoughts compared to the others and I bet we'll out number them. : )
— Lisa J.
March 13, 2002
A recent study says that being even just 20 pounds overweight can add 20
years to your life! To me it only makes sense to have the surgery in your
20s (I'm a bit iffy about teens doing it). Why wait until you're 37 like me
and have developed high blood pressure, sleep apnea, acid reflux and
depression? The study is highlighted in a WebMd article I found yesterday
after hearing a news item on the radio. Here's the WebMd link with the
story:
http://my.webmd.com/content/article/2731.1100?z=1728_00000_1000_ln_01 Take
care and God Bless - Anna
— Anna L.
March 13, 2002
The younger and healthier you are, the better / easier your recovery from
surgery will be. With respect to the surgery being invasive, it is! I
consider this to be a drastic, last ditch effort, and I agree with people
who say you should really try to lose weight without resorting to surgery.
If you've tried, and been committed, and been unable to lose or maintain a
weight loss, then I believe surgery is an excellent option. But I would
never recommend it if someone had not tried some pretty substantial efforts
beforehand. -Kate-
— kateseidel
March 13, 2002
Amber, you need to only listen to yourself. If you've struggled with your
weight for most of your life already, you'll probably continue to struggle
with it the rest of your life. I wish I had this surgery at your age. You
have SOOOO much life ahead of you. I feel like I missed out on the best
years of my life (my 20's) by being overweight. I guess there are
questions you need to ask yourself. Are you content being morbidly obese?
Has the weight made your life difficult? Have you tried diets all your
life and can't keep the weight off? Finally, are you unhappy being
overweight? If so, then the surgery is probably for you.
Don't worry about what people have to say. I heard the naysayers to and it
just made me more determined to continue on with my quest to have the
surgery. I'm glad I did. It's been 18 weeks since my surgery and I've
lost 70 pounds. This is the lowest weight I've been since 1993. I still
want to lose 48 more pounds, but I know that I can do it. I've changed the
way I eat. I exercise 5 days a week. Before the surgery, I didn't
exercise at all. It has completely changed my life. Don't let anyone
deter you from what you want to do. As far as invasive, I had a lap rny
and the MOST invasive incision on me is the size of a quarter!!
— Patty H.
March 13, 2002
Some people are discouraging out of concern...others perhaps
because of jealousy or even ignorance. I've decided to
pretty much keep this to myself because I don't need to let
— Wendy C.
March 13, 2002
Some people are discouraging out of concern...others perhaps
because of jealousy or even ignorance. I've decided to
pretty much keep this to myself because I don't need to let
someone feed me their negativity when I already have doubts,
worries and fears of my own to deal with. They few that I
have shared this with have been people who I knew would be
supportive of me instead of discouraging. Follow your heart,
and the knowledge that you have made a decision that will give
you a happier, healthier life!
(sorry for the apparent double post...hit the wrong thing and
WHOOSH..it was gone!)
— Wendy C.
March 14, 2002
I feel the same way. I am not looking for approval when I tell people, but
I get so excited about having the surgery that I can't keep my mouth shut
about it! I just think of those people who have negative opinions
(including my own mother!) as being ignorant on the subject. They are not
the ones who have been researching (and valid research) and they are not
the ones who have to live my life. I am also getting very worried about
surgery too, but I am leaving it in God's hands. I could get hit by a
truck tomorrow, so when God is ready to take me, then take me. I am only
24 and hope that young age will play a part in an eventless recovery. Feel
free to email me! There doesnt seem to be too many of us youngin's on
here!
— emilyfink
March 14, 2002
Im also 23, and waiting for my surgery date.
Its ok to be scared....its a natual instinct.
I have been looking into it for over a year, and I got the
exact same responses from freinds and family. I have
educated them while educating myself. I asked my mother to
visit a support group with me so she can see and ask
questions for herself. Also, I created a little journal that
I shared with my family that included tidbits of information
about how I feel, and how I want to change. I also made a
loooooooooong list of reasons why I should get the surgery-
serious to humerous reasons (not being able to bowl a
perfect score because my arm bounces off my hip). If you
try to take the suttle approch, mabye they will understand
a little bit more. Usually, people who have never been heavy
in their lives are the fist to say "diet" or "go
jogging"
and even tell you that your taking "the easy way out".
The decision is a start of a new HEALTHY lifestyle. We are
young, and we have a life to live....we deserve it, so why
should we wait until we are 40-50 years old?
As for me im changing my life.I want to go back
to Great Adventure and get on a roller coaster
without the "ride operator" tell me he wont let me on until
I go on a diet and loose weight.
You control your destiny. If you cannot find the support
that you need from family and freinds, then find it
in your local support group, usually there is someone
that is just like u :-)
DO U GYRL!!!!!!!!
— hrussinko
December 27, 2002
I just want to say all the negativity---I've tried to educate, I've tried
to cut back, I've tried to exercise, diet, my family, is stil contantly
saying you can do, just try a little harder before you go through with
this. Co-workers, I don't think you should do it. But I look at it this
way, they are not me. They are not the one that struggles every morning
putting on socks and shoes or getting in and out of a car or walking those
30 stairs to work. I have tried and now I need the tool live and feel
better and see my 35 birthday. I am turning 32 in 1/7/03. I want the
families to know this surgery is "our" best alterna
— kmcgaughy
January 4, 2003
Well for the first question everyone in my family is also discouraging me
but I am so afraid if I dont do this I want be here much longer for my son
so I decided to have this done some how some way and for the second
question surgery scares the hell out of me too. I have had to recent
surgeries and didnt do to well and I am 29 but I just hope and pray this
one will go ok and life will be what it should.
— Contessa Q.
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