Question:
Backlash from men who love big women
Hi, Ever since my surgery, I have recieved so much backlash and rudeness from men that love heavy women. I feel that my choice to do this is just that , my choice. What men thought before or after wasn't a concern. But now I am at awe that all these men that like heavy women are saying I've given into society. Now this is just my opinion, but I always thought that men that liked really heavy women, had low self esteem, or thought a bigger women was more of a secure choice, i.e. cheating, etc.. Anyone had this problem, or just have a comment? — [Anonymous] (posted on September 7, 2001)
September 7, 2001
You're "giving in to society" when a person wants to lose 5 more
pounds so they can fit into a dress to go to a party. You're not
"giving in" when it's about regaining reasonable health and
mobility. I bet there are very few of us who "gave in" to have
the surgery just to look better and fit in better.... the bottom line for
all of us was that we were afraid for our lives and knew this is what we
HAD to do, not what we wanted to do. As for men liking large women.. well,
so do, some don't, we all have different preferences and attractions. No
matter how you are there will always be someone who wants to love you AND
someone who completely rejects you. Remain confident in your choice.
You're the only one entitled to a vote in this!
— BethVBG
September 7, 2001
I think you have to do what is right for you, but I do take issue that the
only reason a man would like big women is because of low self esteem or
whatever. Personally, I like guys with brown hair, never have been
attracted to a blonde or redhead. People like different things. Some
African tribes like big butts, and there are the ones with the big plates
in the lips, everyone is attracted to different people and not always for
negative reasons.
— Becky K.
September 7, 2001
I think that a lot of men who like large women are a little sick in the
head. I don't mean that all men should like Kate Moss, but any woman with a
BMI over 40 is not attractive. I can't stand to look at MYSELF naked - what
is attractive about stretch marks, cellulite and flab? I think these men
like the fact that, for the most part, morbidly obese women have little
self esteem. We are not as self assured or demanding as thinner women.
AND any man who can criticize you for giving yourself the opportunity to be
able to function without shortness of breath and an even shorter lifespan
just proved my point!!
— [Anonymous]
September 7, 2001
I would tell them men where to go...no one should "LOVE" someone
for their looks...that's not love..it's lust..and to each their own...Every
man i have ever met who wants Large women have been skinny..maybe we should
strap on a 200 lb fat suit on them and see how they like to walk, work, etc
etc...
— [Anonymous]
September 7, 2001
This post struck home for me...my boyfriend of over a year and myself just
broke for a variety of reasons, however, the biggest being he likes heavier
BBWs and I am someone who will be having surgery and losing weight in the
near future. I am having WLS to become a healthier, happier person, and
feel that his size preference is not in line with my longterm goals and
needs. You need to do what is right for you, and the men who will love you
will do so at whatever size you are and may become. Liking overweight
partners is a personal preference, and these men who are now rude to you
may feel sad/angry that you are changing..however, the most important thing
to remember is that there is much more to you than your dress size, and the
right guy will certainly appreciate all off your inner and outer
attributes. My advice? Embrace the new you and stay away from those that
can't handle your healthier transformation!
— Kathleen T.
September 7, 2001
I was about to post something similar to this today. I have received
several "romantic" emails from BBW admirers who, obviously, are
looking for a BBW to be with. I don't quite understand why they would
choose to come here in search of a BBW instead of sticking to the tried and
true "BBW Chatrooms", etc. I got an email from one guy and
haven't heard back from him once I told him that I am serious about losing
weight. I don't know what to think. Most guys say that I should stay the
way I am, but they are only looking at the outside and not considering all
of me.
— Carmen B.
September 7, 2001
I understand your issue. I think that whether it is a man that likes only
small women or a man that likes only large women they have a problem if
they can not be flexible. I had both. When I got married years ago, I
weighed 120lbs. When I gained 10 lbs to 130 my husband refused to touch me.
Recently I was just seeing someone that that liked large women and that is
who he wanted to be with. So, when I told him I had made the decision to
have the WLS we parted ways. Both of these men missed out on a very good,
passionate women. But, I was hurt the first time around and had many
problems from that. But, I have learned over the years that everyone has
there preference. But, hurting someone for what ever reason is the real
shame. I appreciate the men who like bigger women there are a lot of us.
But, like there counterparts they can be hurtful. Everyone should have
there preferences but no one should hurt another. But each of us has to
look out for ourselves and our health is number one. It is very
lonely being obsese no matter how many men like large women. We should be
who we are and surround ourselves with those that appreciate us.
— Susan S.
September 7, 2001
It's unfortunate that someone would turn another person away because of
their size--regardless of whether the person is deemed as "too
thin" or "too fat." In all the years that I dated, how much
someone weighed was never an issue for me; I've dated guys who have been
almost anorexically thin as well as guys who have been very large. I have
my criteria but size isn't on the list. I'd just like to encourage the
women who have posted so far, sharing their negative experiences, that
there *are* men out there who, likewise, don't give a toss about size one
way or the other. I know; I've been happily married to one now for almost
seven years. I've been fat all my life; I've also never wanted for male
company. As for the anonymous poster who shared that no woman with a BMI
over 40 could not be attractive; you see *yourself* as being unattractive
and are therefore projecting that image to others...so it sounds like
you're manifesting a self-fullfilling prophecy. Once you begin to see
yourself as attractive, no matter your size, you'll project that to others
and will begin to attract people who will find you lovely.
— CaseyinLA
September 8, 2001
i had to laff a little when i read this post. i have been obese all my life
& all my life i have been pursued by men & i would think 'this guy
must be nuts going after me! look at all the skinny women in this place!'
in fact, i wouldnt even consider being with a man who was hitting on me
cause of how convinced i was that he was sick. even recently, my hubby
& i were in a store, he close by but not next to me. a man walked in, i
happened to look up & our eyes met. he walked straight over to me &
said 'my god ur beautiful!! ur gorgeous!!!' this guy was serious!!! so i
pointed to my hubby a few feet away & said 'thank u so much. my husband
thinks so too'. his chin hit the floor & he ran like the wind. lololol.
over the years i have come to realize that these men r not sick or blind or
nuts. they r attracted to big women just as i am attracted to dark, swarthy
caucasion men with dark hair or completely bald, dark or bright blue eyes
& hairy bodies, of which description my husband fits perfectly but his
eyes r hazel. of course they must be clean & groomed well, not a slob.
so...does this make me sick, nuts or blind? i think not but if it does then
so be it. variety is what makes the world go round.
— sheryl titone
September 8, 2001
I agree w/ a few others that posted that what type of person we are
attracted in is a personal issue not always related to choice. My family
for instance has a fair number of homosexuals. They each say they did not
make a choice about this but at puberty they found they were attracted to
the same sex. Me personally I dont like big men. Now I know as a fat
woman that is pretty hypacritical of me, but my personal taste is not for a
big man. I like tall thin men. So will I be friends w/ big men yes...but
lets be reasonable. The first thing that attracts you to someone is their
looks. I have had big men friends that I grew to be attracted to but when
I see a big man on the street it doesnt do anything for me. Not the way a
tall thin dark man will. Yes some people that like big girls are freaks,
but some people that like thin girls are stalkers rapists etc.
— Jennifer H.
September 9, 2001
There's nothing wrong with a man being attracted to only big women. I'm a
big woman,and I'm only attracted to dark complexed, medium to muscular
build men that are over 6 feet. I was almost 25 when I noticed the trend.
I was not intentionally dating men meeting these criterias, but every guy
that I became serious about would fall between these characteristics. My
husband has dated smaller women, but he has admitted that he's more
attracted to big women. He loves big hips and boobs. A man has a low self
esteem when he's attracted to a big woman, but is too ashame to admit it
for fear of what others have to say. I have met a couple of those, but my
self esteem has never been so low that I would tolerate someone that was
ashame of me.
— Tammy W.
September 10, 2001
Why do you care what those losers think? Even at my heaviest.
I never fell into the trap of the "chubby chasers". Too many
fat women degrade themselves with these peverts who aren interested
in genuine relationships with women; they're interested in fleshy body
parts. Who would want
a man who loves your fat a** but could care less about your mind,
your spitit and your heart? Certainly, there are men who are attracted
to bbw's(thank God!)...just as there are men who are attracted to blonds or
asians or
girls with long legs. But, any man who would demand that a women stay fat
or get fatter because that's what "rocks his boat" should be sent
packing.
We deserve better than that.
— [Anonymous]
January 12, 2002
Seems I al a little late in responding, but here goes. I date an Attorney
who loves big females. When I told him I was having the surgery, the look
on his face was utter shock. I explained to him I had to make a healthy
choice...I WANT TO LIVE! Bottom line. He is still a bit upset, but also
realizes I am the one hauling this weight around. I know it will probably
end our relationship. I have yet to have the surgery. If he stiks
around...fine...if he goes...Adios! You have to make a decision for you.
Only You.
— TerryS
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