Question:
Husband very critical since surgery!!!

I am 3 weeks post op and my husband is on me every minute about what I eat and drink. I am allowed by MD to be on regular foods as tolerated. Last night we had a knock down drag out over what I eat. He says I eat to much and snack all the time (which I don't). Please help. I want so badly to hurt him. We have an 8 month old and I cannot take this mess. He was supposed to be my allie not my antagonist. ANY ADVISE!!    — Jennifer M. (posted on August 15, 2001)

August 15, 2001
I think your husband is worried that you will "mess" up your surgery. In my opnion, you should explain to your hubby that, you know that he cares for you, however, you didn't have this MAJOR surgery to fail. Explain that you are following doctors' orders and you have researched enough to know what you should and should not eat. Lastly explain that you need his support more than anyone else and his criticism is doing nothing positive for you. Good Luck!
   — Cecelia M.

August 15, 2001
I have the same problem but not only with my boyfriend and my mother she says the samething. I feel like I am eatting to much only casue they say so. I really don't know what to tell you other than I know how you feel. Let me know if you get any advise!!
   — Heather G.

August 15, 2001
I know this suggestion is a classic scenario of conforming, or co-dependacy or caving, whatever you wanna call it, etc etc (sometimes co-dependancy works! ha ha) but just to avoid all other arguements and try and resolve the conflict.. I'd start posting what you ate on the fridge (or let the b*&^head do it himself) just don't do anything differently (for instance, you can go and be extra special good just to prove a point!) than what you have been doing diet-wise since surgery. Do it for just one week, at the end of the week, bring him and the list to the Doctor. Let the Doctor settle it. Hearing it from the Doctor may pound some reason into him. He is trying to help- but in the wrong way.
   — Karen R.

August 16, 2001
It looks to me as if your husband is having some problems with insecurity, and feels that by controlling what you eat he can control you. You gotta let him know that that isn't acceptable, that if you're capable of taking care of the baby you're certainly capable of taking care of yourself. Remind him and yourself why you got married in the first place! The post about posting your intake on the fridge is a good idea, too!
   — [Anonymous]

August 16, 2001
Aren't you about due for your first month checkup? Why not take your list and your husband to your doctor and discuss it with him? If this doesn't work out perhaps counselling would be in order -- this could be just a sympton and the problem may be something else entirely. Nina
   — [Deactivated Member]