Question:
I am starting to doubt myself and the surgery
I am 31 yrs. old, I am 5'0, and weigh anywhere rom 255-265. I have a seminar to attend on the 11th of this month in Phoenix,AZ. My husband and my best friend keep telling me I'm too skinny to have to have WLS...be prepared to be the skinniest person at the seminar and to feel embarassed. I fit the criteria...My BMI is around 47 and I'm definately over 100 lbs overweight. Do I sound not heavy enough for WLS? I was so excited to be going to Dr. Juarez's seminar, because the next step is seeing if he'll perform WLS on me. Now, I am staring to wonder if I should go at all. Does nayone know of anyone else my size who had WLS? I really do need some type of emcouragement. It's just too bad that it's not from the people I need it from! — camiam (posted on May 6, 2001)
May 5, 2001
Camille, I'm 5'1 and weighed 207 (I had lost from 215 at original
consultation) when I had WLS 9 days ago. I qualified with a BMI of 40.6.
(Actually hubby and I both had it done the same day and his BMI was 38.4
but we both have comorbidities. We were the smallest people at the info
session but SO WHAT??? We were not treated any differently by the staff nor
the others seeking information. We were not laughted at. We were not
embarrassed! We simply choose to do this NOW after we have both struggled
20 years with diets before waiting until the health issues were even
greater as our weight continued to climb with each new diet attempt. How
your weight impacts each person emoptinally and with physical illnesses
(regardless of how many pounds overweight you are) is different and you
will have to make the final decision. I'm only 8 days post-op but wish I
had not gone through 20 years of yo-yo dieting and could have done this in
the beginning. At age 45, I want to enjoy my new grandchildren! If your
hubby and best friend attend with you, they will be able to ask questions
too, if that's an option you want to consider. Good luck on your
decision!!!
— Anika R.
May 5, 2001
I had open RNY with the bessing of my doctors.I am five feet tall and
weighed 253 initially.I now weigh 218 and feel like a new person.I do not
get short of breath going up stairs,and can exercise a whole lot more.I
would do this again and for health reasons I am thankful I did.I am a real
looser and proud of it.
— Carol F.
May 5, 2001
Camille, ask your husband and best friend if they'd rather you wait until
you gain about 50 more pounds, get a bunch of co-morbs and are near death,
or if they'd rather you be proactive and do something for yourself before
it's too late. I had the same feelings that you do (I am 5'6, 320, 52
BMI). I am very well proportioned. The endocrinologist told me that I was
not the "typical" patient right after he was able to fit a
regular size blood pressure cuff over my arm. I kept thinking of all the
people on this list who write about how they wished they'd done this years
ago and think, I can either do this now, or wait and get bigger. Your
hubby and friend are in essence telling you that they think you can loose
weight on a diet. People don't seem to understand that morbid obesity is a
disease that needs to be treated. They wouldn't tell you that since you
only had 1 heart attack, you probably shouldn't stop smoking would they?
Anyway, I was the smallest looking person at my support group meeting and
really did have a complex. Then I started thinking about it and realized
that my mind was playing tricks on me telling me that I didn't deserve to
be thinner and happier. We as women tend to take on everyone else's
problems/issues then neglect our own. Kudos to you for being proactive and
standing up to do something for yourself. Go to the meeting with your head
held high. Those there that are heavier than you would probably tell you
that they wish they had the surgery years before when they were probably
your size. Good luck!
— Kimberly L.
May 5, 2001
I'm 5'7" and started at 277, with a BMI of 43. Yeah, I was probably
the 'skinniest' pre-op at the support meeting - in fact, I was smaller than
many post-ops. But was I embarrassed to be there? NO WAY! I was welcomed
with open arms. There are many valid reasons to research this surgery and
decide if it is your best option, but being the skinniest person at the
seminar shouldn't prevent you from persuing WLS.
— Allie B.
May 5, 2001
Hi... I'm your height and I started out with a BMI of 47 and was 242 lbs. I
had my surgery on Dec.28. As long as your BMI is over 40 and your 100 lbs.
overweight, you'll be qualified for the surgery. I have seen a few people
under 100 lbs. overweight who were able to have the surgery due to having
other serious medical conditions along with the weight problems. Rest
assured.... you probably wont be the only one there on the
"small" side of WLS.
— k K.
May 6, 2001
I was 254 at 5'5" at surgery in August. I was on the "small
side" but there are many like us. My BMI is now 25.8 and it
definately was the smartest thing I did. My sister (Who also had the
surgery) asked the doctor why she is at the end of her rope at 278 pounds
while a lot people that have surgery have it at higher weights. His reply
was that our bodies are different. Some people can function at higher
weights while a mere 100 pounds is devastating to others (like her, you and
I). You fit the criteria. You are unhappy with this excess weight. I
dont think your family should discourage you because you arent big enough.
If you were too small, no insurance company would ever cover it.
— Jeannet
May 6, 2001
Wonderful posts so far! Do you qualify? Heck yes! I was 270 at 5'7"
and had no problem with my surgeons blessing or insurance approval.
Regarding the opinion of your husband and best friend.... are either one,
(or both) of them obese? If so, I'd make a guess that they are afraid of
you being skinnier and healthier than them. If not, they are both being
very, very selfish. You don't go into your relationship with your husband,
but some men fear the loss of a housekeeper and child care while you
recover as well as if you should have any complications and don't consider
the long term benefits. SHAME ON THEM! I say go with your heart and let
their negativity be THEIR problem. YOU have to have a positive mind frame
when going through this surgery. It's a total life change and YOU must be
mentally ready to make it. Be positive, research, pray, and go to your
seminar to learn. If you are the smallest one there, be happy..... you
have the least to lose AFTER surgery! :-) Happy thoughts sent your way!
— Laurie L.
May 6, 2001
You go girl..Don't let anyone make this decision for you...Others have said
to me...what is she doing here at the WLS support meeting? She doesn't
need it. It is all in how "YOU" feel about yourself..I am
5'7" and weigh 270lbs. My BMI is 41 and I am scheduled for surgery
May 21st. I am self pay because my insurance says basically I am not sick
enough...I ahve several co-mobities but not bad enough according to them to
warrent them paying. I will not wait till I can't move or get diabites to
do this..You just go for it...Lonna Grell [email protected]
— Lonna G.
May 6, 2001
Camille, It is not about how you look (although that certainly does play a
part) but more about health. I am at the low scale for WLS according to my
surgeon. I am 5'4" and range from 260-280. I have not always been
this heavy. I've put on 100 lbs. in the past 10 years. Carrying that
extra weight for 10 years has made me borderline diabetic, put enough
stress on my lungs to aggravate my previously controlled asthma making it
less controllable, given me a hiatal hernia and reflux disease, given me
chronic lower back pain and just this past week I was diagnosed with
arthritis in my ankles and lumbar region (lower back) and they have not
ruled it out in my knees. Unfortunately even if I lose the weight, the
damage to my joints is done and all I can do is pray that by losing the
weight the relief of pressure on them will help the pain be minimized.
People who do not suffer from obesity cannot understand the health problems
we suffer as a direct result of the extra weight. Please explain to those
people in your life that this surgery isn't just to make you "look
good" but also to prolong your life and to prevent debilitating (sp?)
lifelong diseases such as sleep apnea, diabetes, and arthritis. Make the
decision that works best for YOU and not for anyone else, for you are the
one who will have to live with the outcome whatever it may be. My prayers
are with you! Laura
— Laura B.
May 6, 2001
Hi, i just wanted to comment I'm having surgery on may 9 (thats only 3 days
away)and thats what everyone says about me I'm 5'3 and weigh around 207 but
I have some health issues that can be helped from this procedure my BMI is
only 36.I think only you can decide if it's right for you.
— Julie V.
May 6, 2001
Hi, According to my doctor at 5'0" tall you should weigh 100 lbs, and
then add 5 lbs for each inch you are over 5 feet (for women) and add six
lbs. for each inch for men. I am 5'10" and according to that scale I
should weigh 150 lbs. So therefore with a weight of 326 I qualify. I think
you qualify also. Also they have a new chart that calculates your weight
with your frame size. You can calculate you BMI on this website. I say be
your own person. You know how you feel. Don't let anyone else make a
decision for you that could possibly cause conflict later. Good luck to
you.
— Margaret M.
May 6, 2001
Hi Camille, I was 222 at my first seminar, and I'm 5'1/2". I'm now
down to 207, and my surgery is scheduled for May 21. I was not the smallest
person at the seminar, and even if I were, I would still go through the
surgery as I have a few comorbidities. I'm older than you (44) and at your
age didn't have any. So you can wait until you're older, and develope more
health related problems, when surgery will be riskier for you, and it will
be harder to lose weight. Or you can do it now. It's up to you, and you
alone. Good luck with whatever you decide. S
— sherry hedgecock
May 6, 2001
Camille, you've had a lot of great response so far, mine is from a pre-op
5'3" 235# 55 year old's perspective. First, since when is 5'
255-265#'s "skinny"? Is your husband overweight? Are you so
fortunate that he loves you absolutely, unconditionally and doesn't see
your excess weight? Is your relationship so good that he doesn't or
wouldn't feel at all threatened by the emergence of your tiny new self? You
have to decide where he really is and take the steps necessary to affirm
your life with him, calm his fears, or realize some things are lacking and
they will be more evident as you get healthier. If that is the case, get
your game plan in order now, either start to fix what is broken or be ready
to make changes. If the idea of surgery just scares him, time,education and
your sure success will reduce much of that.
Is your friend either "just right" or overweight? Sometimes there
is an odd aspect to our friendships. Typically there is a leader and a
follower, which are you? If your friend is over-weight, uncertainty and
jealousy can be a part of her position. If she is the thin one, you could
usurp that position. If she is overweight, more, less or equal to you, this
could be threatening and signal changes in her own life she is not ready to
deal with yet.
And haven't we had enough of pleasing others at the expense of our own
good? You are taking a big and positive step to better yourself, why should
you be embarrased at the seminar? It's possible there will be others there
who are reverse-judgemental..."I would LOVE to be 250#'s...you don't
know what obese and misery is..." but you are there for your
self...just as they are. How I wish this had been an option for me at your
age, I could have avoided much pain and misery and many lost years. Perhaps
when others think you aren't "there" yet, you could ask them if
in order to qualify you must log more wasted year's, miss more memories,
destroy your body further with more yo-yo dieting cycles, break your body's
health with the morbidities that WILL appear, one by one and finally after
much emotional/physical damage has taken its toll, THEN you could try this
tool to save your life?
Please go into this with eyes wide open and resolve to do the very best you
can for yourself, your family and your life. Appearance is so very
important, yes. And more so when one is younger. Quality of life the THE
real issue. Go for it when you are ready. Take care and learn all you can.
Best of lucke to you, Carolyn B. [Raised in Prescott, and pining away to
return]
— Carolyn B.
May 6, 2001
Hello--- I have to say this to you. Do what your heart says to do.... I'm
22 years old, I'm 5'0 ---- 215 pounds --bmi of 43 and I qualify! So you go
girl! And good luck!
— kiara26
May 6, 2001
I was a towering 5'1.25" and 262. But older, so that counts against
me. Comorbs up to here. I had about 3-6 months, I figured before I'd need
mechanical help to keep my lungs running. 2 diabetic parents. My ex died
at "only" 100# over. I spose, compared to someone who has
200-300# to lose, we might be considered lightweights, but some of us were
not going to live to become heavier. Like my ex. He's dead. He's gone now,
no more "diet & exercise starting tomorrow", no more
discussion of this. Just gone. Some comorbs are not reversible. Why wait
til the last minute?
— vitalady
May 6, 2001
Don't let anyone rain on your parade. I was 243 pre-op and 5'2" and
was actually referred to as the tiny one (which I loved because I most
certainly was not tiny!. I was however much smaller than many patients.
The important thing was I QUALIFIED for WLS and so do you! If you know
thia is for you - go for it! I feel so much better now and I still have
half of my weight to lose! You go girl!!
— Lisa B.
May 6, 2001
Thank you all so much!! My gosh, you ALL have helped me to feel so much
better! For those that have asked:Best friend is overweight also, hubby has
gained some weight and losing some hair. He loves me the way that I am.
He's always hugging and kssing on me,but I'm afraid he thinks when I lose
all this weight I'll attract alot more attention. I physically and
emotionally cannot be the mother and wife that I need and want to be at
this size. Thank you all so much! I wish I could give each and everyone of
you a great big hug! I love you!
— camiam
May 7, 2001
This site is helping me overcome the resistance from my surrounding
"lack-of-support-network". I was 255, and have been able to get
to 230, but we all know these diets will bounce us back up. I am still
considering the surgery because I can't imagine this is permanent. So I
understand the considering/reconsidering and am afraid to go to a seminar
too and be the "smallest." Guess what? I am also in AZ. We could
go together! Send me an email.
— Danine N.
May 7, 2001
Camille, My husband and my best friend both were not supportive to begin
with either. Both were afraid for me. My husband felt better after he
attended a support group meeting where my surgeon spoke. My friend told me
she was afraid that I would die, but would be as supportive as she could if
I went through with it -- she just wished I wouldn't.(Immediately post-op
she was great!) I explained to both that I NEEDED to do this. I wasn't
living a quality life with the back pain, joint pain, sleep apenea, and a
host of other co-morbids. They have both come around. My husband tells
EVERYONE about my operation and my success. He has become an enthusiastic
proponent of wLS. My best friend is now considering WLS herself. By the
way when I was first approved I weighted 265 and I am 5'3". My BMI was
47, same as yours. I was also told that I didn't look that bad, or that I
wasn't that fat. I just told those people that I did in fact meet the
criteria to have this surgery and that my surgeon approved. I also stressed
that what I was doing had nothing to do with how I looked, but everything
to do with how I felt. I thanked them for their concern and then changed
the subject. Maybe I was dealing with exceptional people, but even those
that didn't support my decision 100% weren't negative at all, especially
when they realized how very made up my mind was.
Sharyle
— Sharyle L.
May 9, 2001
Camille,
I'm 5/9,weighed about 278 with a BMI of 40 when I went to surgeon. I wasn't
one of the smallest people at the seminar-the post ops were. I had people
coming to me and asking when I had my surgery! Trust yourself. Remember,
you've done the research. Hubby and best friend haven't. I reminded
people(my mother)who at first wasn't supportive that they've done things in
the past that maybe I didn't agree with but I supported their decision
anyway and I expect the same consideration. My mother was here for several
weeks helping take care of the house and kids and she was amazed how well I
did! She didn't know,no research. Trust yourself for whatever decision you
come up with. Go to the support meeting and bring hubby and friend. Maybe
when they have an understanding then they can support you. If they can't,
we're here for you! Best wishes
— Linda M.
May 9, 2001
I'm 5'8" and 265lbs, so I JUST meet the requirement. Never in my life
have I had so many people call me thin--from the doctor's nurses to support
group members. But here's the thing: my knees hurt, I can't breathe when I
walk, and I know that I am headed up the scale if I don't do this. Why
should I have to wait? Feel confident that you're making the right
decision based on how YOU feel, not on how anyone else feels. It's
strange, they'll call you "too thin" in the context of this
surgery, but in any other context you're more likely to be described as
"that fat woman". I, for one, would like my weight not to be the
first thing people think about when they see me.
— PT LawMom
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