Question:
Has anyone been all alone after surgery?
I'm hurting. Everything has been approved and my surgery is shortly. I've been hearing so many things about my husband seeing someone else and I finally caught them together and it hurt so bad to see them together. He told me that he was moving in with her. Now I don't have anyone to help me after my surgery. I've waited so long to have this done and I don't know what to do. I've got this on my mind and I'm crying so hard now I can barely see to type. AM I ALONE? — [Anonymous] (posted on February 5, 2001)
February 5, 2001
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. It will be hard, but try
to get some counseling to help you deal with what is going on in your
marriage. As for being alone after your surgery, do you have any friends
near you that could help out? Maybe there is one of the angels in your area
that could help you out. I hope things work out for you. Good luck and God
bless.
— Kimberly H.
February 5, 2001
Don't worry. My surgery is Thursday 2-8-01 I will be alone after surgery as
well. You will be fine. So will I. Make sure you have housework and errands
done. All clothes washed, groceries bought, etc.. Have friends check on
you. Have no fear everything will work out. I am sure you feel overwhelmed
right now. Just think about how much fun it is going to be to run in to
that x-hubby in about a year with you looking all GOOD! Stay positive!! :)
— Courtney B.
February 5, 2001
Boy, what a rat to do this to you right before surgery! But I want you to
know you can do it on your own. Make sure you have everything you'll need
ready for yourself when you get home. Protein powder, skim milk, soups,
broths, SF jello, SF yogurt etc etc. Buy some non-fat dry skim milk in
powder form, it's easy to mix up when you run out of fresh skim milk. I
didn't need anyone really to help me when I got home. My husband is a work
a holic so I was pretty much on my own anyway. The worst part is getting up
out of bed. If you could have something next to your bed to help you grab
onto, and pull yourself up that would be great. I used the bedpost to help
me. You can do this. The worst part is getting ready for it. You'll do
fine. Make up your mind that you're doing something good, something
positive, and you'll be alright. GOod luck to you!
Lacey
— laceybaby
February 5, 2001
I am divorced too. My brother took me to the hospital and I had no vistors
for 4 days - not that I minded, really. I didn't feel like company anyway.
My elderly mother wanted to help out, but I sent her home. I look at
being alone after surgery two ways: 1) with no one to wait on me, I had to
fend for myself, which made sure I got up and walked from time to time; 2)
My ex-husband is a workaholic, stereotypical 'keep 'em fat so they don't
leave' kinda guy, so not only would he have not supported me during
recovery, he would have likely done everything he could to sabotage my WLS.
I truly don't think I could have done this with him. Now is the time to
draw on all your strengths, all your accomplishments, put yourself first
and thank God you didn't waste another precious moment with such a jerk.
It isn't easy, but it does get easier with time. Now is NOT THE TIME to
blame yourself for being fat - you must recognize that this is his fault,
not yours. When you show remarkable progress with the WLS, you will become
stronger, too. After the initial grieving process, you can learn to look
on your new independence with optimism and challenges for a new future.
And please, do find a good support group - it can make a world of
difference. And perhaps you'll make a new friend who can help you out
after surgery. Feel free to email me if you like to talk more...Hugs and
Prayers,
— Allie B.
February 5, 2001
Dont worry about being alone after the surgery. Im freshly postop at 2
weeks and here is my advice. Pack lightly so there isnt much to carry.
Let someone on this site know your city and hospital - you may be able to
arrange a ride home - if not, have whoever brings you home (including a
cab) make sure you/they have a pillow. Have your food ready once you get
home - you eat so little it really takes little preparation. If you can
beg, steal or borrow - get a recliner (i did not heed this advice and had
to borrow one in the middle of the night my first night home) you may even
be able to get one from those "rent to own" places. Arrange to
have your prescriptions filled before you are discharged (or get enough for
a couple days) and that should do it. Peace and quiet is all you need to
recuperate - not stress. Enjoy the benefits of your surgery! Best Wishes.
— Anna B.
February 5, 2001
If you let us know where you live and when you are having the surgery , I'm
sure several of us will help you get through this. At this web site you are
never alone , someone is always willing to help you. You be strong and have
this surgery , and remember "living well is the best revenge".
— Rose A.
February 5, 2001
When I read your post it hit me as if I had been staved in the heart. My
heart is heavy as if it happened to me. You see I know the heartache that
this type of behavior from a mate can bring. But, you just rest assured he
don't want her. Why because common since tells us and him that she is
capable of anything she is a homewrecker. They'll never stay together! Why?
Because common sense tells us again that he cannot be trusted and she
certainly will not trust him she'll always wonder will he do it to her
sooner or later it will bring trouble. Right now their egos are playing a
role in their ignorence but soon old man reality will set in and he'll soon
come running back. I want you to let this word that I am about to say to
you be hidden in your heart for in the word of God David states he have
never seen the rightous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. You see God is
your source of supply as he was mine. Look on to my profile and see what I
state about my husband. Why do I state this because it's the truth. This is
the husband that God blessed me with. It wasn't when I wanted it but it was
right on time. You see my 1st husband did the same thing to me during our
marriage. I really wished I had the time to tell you my story. God blessed
me and he will bless you to! He has no picks and chooses. You can email me
anytime. I am here for you! Much Love!
— TANGIE B.
February 5, 2001
I haven't had my surgery yet, but I agree with a lot of what I have read
here. Try and get as much as you can ready before surgery...like having the
foods you'll need on hand. If you will be completely alone, you may want to
get some reading materials in to occupy your mind. I agree taht if you have
no one at all, friend or family, please let us know where you are...maybe
someone on this site is close to where you are and can help you...call you
visit you etc...Are you still married or are you divorced already??? Does
he know that you are having surgery??? I know I can't speak for everyone,
but even though my ex and I had a bad split, we are still there for each
other. If you can, tell him how you feel. If you can't then Let him go and
start your new life!!!! Good Luck to you...Please let someone here know
where you are. I have made a lot of friends here and the support is
unbelievable!!!!!
— Kathy831
February 5, 2001
I know you've gotten a lot of support already, but here's my two cents:
yes, you can do this alone. I did it alone, and took care of a two year
old toddler at the same time. Not easy, but it can be done if you have to!
Don't let his foolishness ruin this for you, trust me, in six months he is
gonna be eating his heart out!
— Beth B.
February 5, 2001
If you live in Toronto, ON, where I live, I'd be happy to make sure you get
to and from the hospital, and will check in on you from time to time to
make sure you're doing okay.
— defatbroad
February 5, 2001
Where are you? I'd love to be able to help you out. If I can't get to you
physically I can sure offer some moral support! I may need some myself.
My husband and I are in a crisis also. He's not involved with another
woman but there are some other issues that are just as devastating. I'm
sure we can offer each other strength. Please feel free to email me
anytime!
— Sharon R.
February 5, 2001
Dear alone,
Just take this in stride,you ae on the way to a new you.No unkind excess
baggage to tote around anymore.Like your weight,you can loose it and become
someone new and start over.It is exciting and new good luck in your journey
to your new life,and god bless:) Carol F.
— Carol F.
February 5, 2001
Hi there!
We are here for YOU! Give us your email address.
Tell us which City and State that you live in so that
an AMOS WLS Angel can contact you. Let me know what I
can do to help. (((Hugs))) Sharon in Arizona
— Sharon M.
February 6, 2001
Maybe you gals are tougher than us guys ! I am about 3 weeks post op
and I can't seem to get anything right when I'm by myself! I had my
girlfriend with me the whole time while I was in the hospital and KNOW I
couldn't have gotten through it w/o her ! I had an "open r-ny"
unlike a lot of the ladies that have "lap" surgeries. Open is
much more difficult to get through. I also had complications. You can have
them too! Your split up and this surgery are NOT the same issue! I'm not
trying to be mean, I have tons of sympathy for you, but you better have
your head right before you do this! It ain't easy !!
best of luck to you
Tim
— Tim Conway
February 6, 2001
You WILL be able to take care of yourself, by yourself, after surgery. I
went home on the 4th day after open RNY and did fine alone. I was
uncomfortable, but not in severe pain. And being self-sufficient will start
you on the road to emotional healing. Hang in there!
— Linda B.
February 7, 2001
If you're in/near St. Louis, I'd be more than happy to help out any way I
can. Take care.
— missesrita
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