Question:
What can I do to get past the anxiety before surgery?

I was scheduled to have a revision done on 8/30/00. I was in pre-op hooked to the iv, had everything ready to go and my Dr. came in and asked me to sign the consent form and at that moment I freaked out. I decided that I wasn't sure that I was ready to risk the complications. My best friend had a dream that I died in surgery, and I kept thinking about that and the fact that I don't want to leave my wonderful 6 year old son motherless - and I just wasn't comfortable with my decision right then, so I asked them to unhook my IV and I said that I would call and reschedule. I will be meeting with my doctor in a week, but how do I get past that anxiety? Those same feelings will come back again when I am in pre-op just waiting for my turn! Anyone have any suggestions or experiences they can share? I really don't think that I am scared of the actual surgery or the complications - I'm scared of what the pain will be like when I wake up. I would love to hear from anyone that can offer some insight on how they felt or what they did to get through those moments of "second thoughts".    — Kim M. (posted on September 5, 2000)

September 5, 2000
Dear Kim...do you have a counselor or clergy person you can talk to about your fears? It is my suggestion that you find someone who is trained in counseling. Many communities offer mental health services on a sliding scale fee basis if money is a problem. Please do not let fear rule you and stop you from taking steps toward a better life. Please email me if you want. Best of luck to you!
   — Roseann M.

September 5, 2000
I can tell you what I did before my surgery. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. And, I listened to a guided relaxation tape each night before I went to sleep, and in the car on the way to my surgery. I have also heard of people asking their surgeon for a sedative to help relax them the night before and the day of their surgery. If your main concern is the pain after surgery, try to set your mind at ease by discusing this with your surgeon. He can make sure you have plenty of pain medication, and options to choose from if the first pain med. isn't working well enough. Good Luck!
   — Lynn K.

September 5, 2000
Kim, please hang in there. Your fears are not unreasonable or uncommon. I am sorry about your friend's dream - but it is ONLY a dream and nothing more. You made the right decision in rescheduling - if you're not comfortable with it then you shouldn't have it. This is major surgery and no one can say that it's nothing to think about. If anxiety is really getting in the way, I know there are meds that your surgeon can put you on to relax and get you through it. As far as leaving your son motherless - he is fortunate to have a mom who cares so much for his future. But look at it this way - if you DON'T have this surgery, how will your own quality of life and health problems interfere with the things you want to do WITH your son and FOR your son during the time that he is growing up? One of the deciding factors for me was that I wanted to be around to care for my parents who are getting older, especially my dad. In my pre-WLS health condition, I knew that they would be trying to take care of me instead, and I didn't want to put that kind of burden on them. As for pain after the surgery, everyone will have different experiences. I did have pain in the recovery room immediately after the surgery, but it was not un-bearable. The pain went away, and I handled it fine. If pain is a very big concern, have a discussion with your surgical pain team prior to the surgery. Tell them your concerns and ask how they will address it. It's their job to make you as comfortable as possible. I truly believe that the often the anxiety we feel before surgery is so much worse than the actual experience. Hang in there and I wish you the very best.
   — Paula G.

September 5, 2000
Dear Kim, Boy can I relate to how you were feeling right before surgery. I had my open RNY on Aug. 31st and right up until they put me out in the OR I wondered if I had made the right decision. When I was in pre-op I was crying and very nervous when I was by myself - then they brought in my family and I felt a little bit better. I couldn't believe I was putting myself through all this for a surgery that wasn't "necessary!" It sounds to me like you have health concerns that may make the surgery necessary for you. Talk to your dr. about your feelings and if necessary you might want to try some antianxiety medication. There's nothing wrong in using the drugs - you are not going to get addicted taking them for a short amount of time. Are you religious? If so, try talking to your pastor, if you are not affiliated with a church, now would be a good time to find one. Also, many pastors will talk with people they don't know who are experiencing a crisis (take my word on this - I've been a church secretary for 15 years!). Please try to relax and make your decision about what to do on your own. Don't let anyone pressure you into going through something that you are not 100% sure of. Take care - there are many who care!
   — georgiacarol