Question:
Family seems to think badly of wls
My family seems to think that I can loose weight by diet. I need to lose 100 lbs and they really are dead set against it. saying the risks are to high etc etc.. I have really been reading up on this and yes it does scare me also but I really want to live life feeling better than I do now. My father is seriously against it and it is hard for me to explain to him all the benefits. He comes from the old school. I really want my family to support me, but I don't know if they truly will. What exactly should I do so they really are supportive of me. All the reading in the world does'nt seen to help. — Bonnie B. (posted on August 19, 2000)
August 19, 2000
Bonnie-how old are you?
— Debora H.
August 19, 2000
I don't know how old you are , but if you are old enough to make this
decision without parental consent , and it's what you want , do it. I told
my family I want your support I am HAVING weight loss surgery . My decision
has been made , what was there to talk about. For once in my fat life I was
putting MY needs first. Their was no talking , whining or discussion. If
they disagreed with me no one said a word !!! It was the best thing I ever
did.
— Rose A.
August 20, 2000
Bonnie..Let me say first off, that I am 36 years old. when i told my
parents that i was having WLS they were not thrilled to say the least.I
informed them of all the research that i had done, I explained the whole
persedure to them, went into great detail of what it is like to live at 338
lbs.talked of all the medical problems I was having. I told tham I was not
asking for their approval of this surgery, But of their support of me and
my decision. yes, they were very concerned and scared,I found out later
that they several times were on there wasy to my house to absolutly forbid
me to have this done. But came to there senses and turned around and went
back home. They were the ones that took me to the hospital my mother stayed
with me the entire time. I found out that they cried throughout my surgery.
Let me now say that I am 6 weeks post -op have lost 45lbs and they are so
proud of me and my decision and are truly my biggest supporters.If you are
an adult do what you know if right for you . After all you are the one
that knows what its like to live in that body. Good luck
— STAR W.
August 20, 2000
I had WLS 4/2000. I did not tell my mother and father until after my 4
week check-up this was easy for me because they live in another state. My
reason for not telling them in advance was that I did not want to worry my
mother and have her try an talk me out of it. Of course everyone thinks we
can just lose this weight on our own. Not so easy. But if you haven't
lived in our shoes it's hard to understand the emontional and physical
problems that we suffer with from being overweight. Anyway after I told my
folks they were supportive, but did not see me until I was 4 months post-op
and had lost 75 pounds. When I step out of the car my mother and father
could not beleive what they were seeing. I had gone from a size 22-24 to a
size 14. They are so pround that I made the decision and that I am doing
so well. My mother worried about my health all the time because I was so
overweight (125 lbs) and now she can't wait to see how small I am the next
time she see me. I am in a size 12 now and hopefully will be smaller by
the next trip. It's a wonderful ride. We worry enough and fret over our
decision enough for everyone. But it is one of the best things I ever did
for myself and yes this is for you and ulktimately your decision to make
and one that would be nice to have their support educate them. WLS is a
decision that I would gladly make over again. Let your folks read some of
the profiles on this site. Maybe that will help them.
— ann A.
August 20, 2000
Bonnie,
My family still doesn't know I had WLS- they know I got my gall
bladder out- that is it and they probably will never know the
truth as I can't trust them. I come from a very dysfunctional
family, and so I protect myself- no longer by eating and being overweight,
but by taking care of myself and keeping myself out of situations
where I can be hurt by dysfunctional people. Of course,
they notice the weight loss and spend ALOT of time trying
to get me to eat:) Thing is, YOU know what YOU need. You
may have to distance yourself from negative people- stick
around here on this site and let those of us who understand
be your support through this if your family can't. You
didn't mention if your family also suffers from obesity- if
they do, they really may be against your surgery as then they
may have to face their weight too. I wish you alot of luck,
and e-mail if I can help!
— M B.
December 1, 2000
I think the issue here is basically that you'll always be someone's
daughter, little sister, niece, etc, so there are always going to be people
around telling you what's best for YOU (or what they think is best) no
matter how old you get. I know that for a fact because at 27 I still
receive 'advice' on what I should do. My family will probably have the
same reaction as yours, where they'll think it's too extreme and I can just
work out harder and try to eat healthier, but as an adult, I have
researched both the positives and negatives of WLS and feel it is the right
decision for me. I most likely won't inform my family until after the fact,
because I don't want them to worry or feel they need to talk me out of my
decision. I'm still trying to figure out a way that I can not tell my
older brother until afterwards, but he lives in the same condomium as I do
and I need him to look after my dog. Do I pretend to go on vacation ?
*lol* I'd need to organize flight information and everything for him to
believe it :)
— Anita N.
January 9, 2001
Dear Bonnie,
I am having the same problem with my mother. she has suffered from obesity
all her life and so did her mother. My mother says things like, "will
your sister's be happy for you if you end up in a coffin"? I have
explained to her all the benefits and she still insists I am gonna die. I
go into the chat room on this website and I have found out that the
reaction from one or both parents is normal.And I have found that I am not
alone. I also found it is easier not to discuss my surgery with those who
are negative.
— Kimberly H.
January 10, 2001
Bonnie ... the fact of the matter is that most of us, if not all of us,
have people in our lives with a vested interest in keeping us fat. It's a
control thing, and if we're fat and needy and dependent enough, we don't
notice. That your family is not supportive shouldn't be a deal breaker if
you've determined that WLS is the answer for you. Find people who ARE
supportive and "adopt" them as your family. Tell your parents
that you appreciate their concern, but this is your decision, and, while
you know they're not in favour of it, could they please keep their
negativity and fears to themselves. After all, over the years THEY'VE
probably done things that you didn't approve of. And I'm sure having WLS
isn't the first of your decisions they've disagreed with -- although
they've probably had better luck in the past manipulating you into changing
your mind. Find support where you can -- this website, for example -- and
try not to worry about where it isn't. Warm skinny supportive loving
thoughts,
— Cheryl Denomy
January 15, 2001
Dear Bonnie,
If you are old enough to make this decision then go for it.
Just make sure you get enough research on the surgeon that will be
performing you surgery. My feelings towards this matter is I am sick of
feeling the way i do and my family does not know what i am going through
because they are not in my shoes. I been dealing with my weight for 12
years now and am at the end of my wits.My mother suggested stomach stapling
but the doctors recomended the Gastric Bypas and I aam confident that the
Doctor knows best.My mother was against the Gastric Bypass because her
sister died 6 weeks after having this surgery, but that was 20 years ago. I
had my mother meet with the doctor and go to a seminar with and she herself
got enough information off the net to finally accept my decison. You need
not only to tell your family about the benefits but about the health risk
you have not getting the surgery done,there are alot people that have died
waiting to have this surgery because of insurance being denied,you are at
great risk for many health problems if you continue to be overweight and
not take control,I have a severe case of Sleep Apnea so it was easy for me
to get approval from insurance.Explain to your family the benfits of the
surgery and the risk that you would have not having the surgery, let them
know that this is your decision to go ahead and make new life for you and
that they can either accpet it or not,and if they dont then just
concentrate on making new friends to talk to for support,for example their
are plenty of people on this site that would be willing to talk to you.Good
Luck and God Bless. :o)
— [Anonymous]
August 17, 2001
For the first time tonight I really started to feel badly (GUILTY) ABOUT
MAKING MY DEAR SWEET GRANdma WORRY about me. I cant argue or get defensive
with HER.......but I was really surprised that she called me tonight (she
is old and frail and never does that) to plead with me not to do it.
<sigh> She goes; "you arent obese Lisa...just big". Bless
her heart. I weigh 294. That qualifies as obese in MY book..and morbidly
obese in the medical books! I jsut wanted to share that. Thanks for
listening. Lisa (Open RNY on 8/23/01~~~6 days away!)
— Lisa G.
April 26, 2002
Recently I suffered a setback in pursuing my weightloss surgery..My Dr.s
staff overlooked the fact that they stopped accepting my insurance AFTER I
had completed most of the testing, the day before I was to get my surgery
date they called to tell me, I was devastated instead of being supportive,
my sister told me that maybe I shouldn't have the surgery that I should try
to do it on my own..Does she have any idea how hard I have tried? Does she
have any idea how hard it it to loose 200lbs???? I felt deflated and
really unsupported. She is thin and has no idea what it is like to be me.
I haven't talked to her since, she called me last night and I barely had
anything to say to her..I am really upset..I understand how you feel...it's
our life and we have every right to want to stay alive and enjoy what time
we have on this planet.
— Trish R.
May 14, 2002
I have recently made the decision to have WLS. While my husband is
supportive in every way, my seventeen year old daughter tells me that I am
"trying to take the easy way out." She has been by my side to
witness the pain, the swollen joints, the breathlessness, the depression,
the failed attempts at weight loss by any other means...it makes me think
there is much more to her response than what is presenting itself at face
value. Has anyone run into this issue with their children? If so, what
has helped to ease the tension? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
— Martha S.
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