Question:
Recently I was discussing having WLS with someone and he was opposed to the idea.
I don't really care what his attitude is, because I'm going to do what I feel is best for me. But one of the things he said was "Your too young to get this drastic". My reply was "I feel I'm too old. When do I get to start living a normal life? I'm already 35, how much longer do I have to wait before I get to enjoy living again?" Has anyone else had these kinds of comments made? I guess I don't understand why someone would say that. It's not as if I only have 25 lbs to lose or something. I am significantly overweight. And I have tried every diet known to human kind. Does anybody else find these kinds of comments insensitive? It makes me not want to talk about this decision with anybody else. I hate to be quiet about something that I am so excited about, but I really don't want to have to deal with people who don't understand this decision either. I know I'm rambling, but his response is really bothering me. — Keri A. (posted on July 31, 2000)
July 31, 2000
Recently I went to my Primary Care Physician to discuss my weight and that
I wanted WLS surgery. He was aghast and wanted me to try other methods
first wasting most of our time discussing Xenical. Last Friday I had a
followup to all the testing he had done on me and he stated that he did not
want to refer my for the surgery because "people go thru a major
surgery and do not lose the weight and keep it off and then they have gone
thru a major surgery for...nothing". Our time was about up and I was
dieing to tell him how misinformed he is, however, I simply left him with
saying "Dr. the only reason I came here today was to finalize our past
visits and find out my test results. I have selected another primary care
physician who was recommended to me by the WLS I would like to work with.
I am going ahead with this, and as of 8/1 you will no longer be my
dr." He replied back that "perhaps my new primary has some
little referral scam going between himself and the WLS surgeon". I
picked up the paper with results of my upper GI and walked out of the room.
An earlier visit upon which my fiancee acompanied me left me with the
feeling he thinks just eat less you will lose weight. In fact my fiancee
said that he could tell the doc thought that very same thing. My point
being that these types of comments come from people everywhere in all sorts
of positions. I get great support from my fiancee sometimes, but other
times even he makes inane remarks. So many people truly do not understand.
Perhaps answer "it is too bad I didn't get it done 5 years ago, or 10
years ago". By the way I am 50 today and my fiancee says "how
many years do you have to wait before you can start living?" He feels
if I am made to wait much longer for this there will be no point because we
will be too old to enjoy anything. Of course that is only his opinion and
is not taking into account health issues of mine, etc. But in many regards
I agree with him. You have a good attitude and just keep thinking the way
you are. You GO GIRL!
— JennyLynn A.
July 31, 2000
Keri: One thing I've learned in life is that we'll never get 100% approval
from everyone on any of our life's choices. Quit trying to please everyone
or be accepted by everyone. This is why I've chosen not to tell everyone
about my surgery. For those whom I did tell, I had to spend quite a bit of
time educating them on the current technological advances in this type of
surgery as many had heard the old horror stories of the old style stomach
stapling surgeries. We cannot blame them for being uneducated on the
subject -- just look at how much research we've done ourselves before being
convinced to go through with this. In other words, try to be like a duck
and let those insensitive and uneducated comments roll off your back like
water. Expect them and you won't feel so disappointed. And, don't talk
about it to everyone unless you truly want to take the time and effort
involved to share your research with them. Remember, they usually just say
those things because they care about you. Hope this helps.
— Cindy H.
July 31, 2000
I know what you mean! I tried to discuss it with people before hand and
they had all these great reasons why I should not. Since my alternative
was to begin funeral preparations for myself, I proceeded and then really
didn't discuss it with too many people, UNTIL my first garage sale and had
lots of clothes for sale. Just kept my book of pix on the table. Now, from
112 lbs, I talk about it ALL THE TIME. It's been 6 yrs. It's pretty hard
for them to stand there and look at me in good health today and tell me it
was too drastic or unnecessary. They may WANT to argue, but there is
nothing than can say when they are faced with obvious success. It's hard, I
know, to not discuss your excitement, but you have to understand that no
matter how open minded they THINK they are, they think we're taking the
easy way out (hahah!) and really SHOUDL just "eat sensibly" and
if the surgery will do that, can't you just do it without surgical
intervention? Well, yes, you can eat half as much, but not 10% as much. And
you can't create malabsorption so you only get 50% of the 10% you're
eating! So, the answer is no. But I'll say, it's difficult to explain to
someone so OBVIOUSLY superior to Our Kind, until we're on more equal
footing.
— vitalady
July 31, 2000
Keri, unfortunately this person's response is very typical of people's fear
and ignorance about WLS. I'm happy that it's not deterring you. Because
of these types of comments, I was very guarded pre-op (and still am
post-op) about who I told what. As for WLS being too drastic - too drastic
for what - dying of heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure? You and
I are about the same age (I'm 36), and you're right - how much longer
should we be miserable? Should we wait another 10, 15, or 20 years until
our health issues get much worse? NONSENSE! I had my WLS in May and I am
down 54 pounds. I have no regrets whatsover, and although I still have a
long way to goal weight, I have already reaped many rewards of the surgery.
Last week I went to the doctor and am now off both diabetes medications I
had been on for 3 years. Because people do not understand obesity or WLS,
they are more apt to think we are taking the "easy way out" or
say "if you could just stick to your diet.....". We all know
this is crap and doesn't work. Stay firm and stay focused on your health
goals. Keep WLS to yourself and talk to only those who you can trust to be
supportive. You don't need the extra hassle of dealing with people's
ignorance right now. Best of luck to you. :)
— Paula G.
July 31, 2000
Don't let anyone tell you what you should do with your own
life and body! 35 is not too young...I wish I'd of known
about wls years ago, and I'm 38. If time were on your side,
you'd be skinny by now, so obviously the longer you "wait"
the more "weight" you'll have to deal with :o) Best wishes.
— Linda J.
July 31, 2000
Hi Keri, The responses here all seem to echo the same sentiment. I don't
think that any of us would have voluntarily chosen to put our lives on hold
until we were older if the opportunity to have wls had come earlier in our
lives. I was morbidly obese for the past 30 years, and I, like so many
others who have posted here, have tried every trick in the book to lose
that weight. Now, at the age of 48, I finally realized that I simply
didn't have another 30 years LEFT to try losing my weight via conventional
weight loss methods, and decided to have wls. I'm pretty much "on
track" percentage-wise with my weight loss, but I have been plagued
with ALOT of plateaus. I honestly think that those plateaus and a
slower-than-I'd-like weight loss, is due in part to my age and the number
of years that I yo-yo dieted. My body is still fighting me, but this is
ONE fight that I am absolutely determined to win! Sometimes the only thing
that you can do to "quiet" the doubters is to be
"quiet" yourself and simply "show" them the finished
product. Lean on those who you know DO support your decision and
understand where you're coming from. Your reply was "right on".
We've all been there and are now here for you. Good luck and God bless.
cj
— cj T.
July 31, 2000
Michelle Curran - I have to tell you I loved your post to this question.
The more I read your and Ava Lee's post the more I like you gals. I
agreed with what you said I am only 4 months post op and today I saw an old
co-worker who always though she was hot stuff. She could not please that I
was a size 12....neither could I we were shopping in the same section in
the dress department. Threw her for a loop. Never did say how I lost the
weight. I was a size 22/24 the lasttime she saw me 12 months ago. It's
amazing as you all know how the sizes just melt away. Oh yea she was trying
on a 14 or 16....LOL
— ann A.
July 31, 2000
Michelle Curran - I have to tell you I loved your post to this question.
The more I read your and Ava Lee's post the more I like you gals. I
agreed with what you said I am only 4 months post op and today I saw an old
co-worker who always though she was hot stuff. She could not please that I
was a size 12....neither could I we were shopping in the same section in
the dress department. Threw her for a loop. Never did say how I lost the
weight. I was a size 22/24 the lasttime she saw me 12 months ago. It's
amazing as you all know how the sizes just melt away. Oh yea she was trying
on a 14 or 16....LOL
— ann A.
July 31, 2000
Michelle Curran - I have to tell you I loved your post to this question.
The more I read your and Ava Lee's post the more I like you gals. I
agreed with what you said I am only 4 months post op and today I saw an old
co-worker who always though she was hot stuff. She could not please that I
was a size 12....neither could I we were shopping in the same section in
the dress department. Threw her for a loop. Never did say how I lost the
weight. I was a size 22/24 the lasttime she saw me 12 months ago. It's
amazing as you all know how the sizes just melt away. Oh yea she was trying
on a 14 or 16....LOL
— ann A.
July 31, 2000
Oh, I can relate! I made the mistake of telling my former employers and
that caused all kinds of problems. My family, who were okay with telling
me that I needed to lose weight, all opposed my choice and even refused to
help me after surgery because they felt that I had made a big mistake. I
now have a new job and have told no one and that feels okay to me. My
family has seen me drop 70 pounds in 3 months and all of a sudden, this was
a GOOD thing I did. I have had insensitive comments from strangers,
family, and friends. I now discuss it with no one other than the community
here, because no one else really seems to understand. I'm a single mother
and have not yet made up my mind about what I will tell any potential
future boyfriend either. By the way, I'm 33 years old. And I too wish I
had done it sooner.
— Beth B.
July 31, 2000
Thanks for the abundance of responses! I was really shocked by this man's
opposition. I guess because I thought wls was so great and the answer to
my problem after all these years, I just thought everyone else would be
supportive and excited too. Boy, did I ever get the wind knocked out of
me! Oh well, you learn something new everyday. I now realize I can't
expect everyone to be supportive. So far, my sister and my best friend and
another VERY good friend have been "Go for it!" They know the
struggles I've had and want me to do what's best for me. As my sister
said, "I don't care what size you are. I love you anyway, but I worry
about your health and if this helps you lose the weight and stay healthier
then I think it's great. You deserve it." Now THAT'S support! My 2
good friends pretty much said the same thing. I guess with all the people
here who have been practically shunned by their families I should consider
myself lucky. And I agree...Ava Lee and Michelle Curran have really given
me a lot to think about and make me so glad I found a place like this.
And, Ava Lee, thanks for the "shrink" advice. Michelle, your
before and after pics are incredible. My sis was looking at them with me
and we were just blown away! You look fabulous! Thanks for all the
support!
— Keri A.
Click Here to Return