Question:
Anyone else want to put their life "on hold" while waiting?
Hi everyone, I have a feeling that many people go through this, but I just need a little encouragement. I am scheduled to see the surgeon for the first time on Aug. 9th. I want this surgery so badly. I feel like I want to just put my life on hold until I can have this surgery. I feel like I don't want to do some things this summer because I feel in my head that it will be so much better when I lose weight. For example, friends asked me to go away with them for a weekend. I really, really don't want to go, I feel like I will be able to live again AFTER the surgery. My husband is not understanding these feelings that I am having. When I told him why I didnt want to go, he looked upset and said it "didn't make any sense". There have been a few things so far that I could have done, but didn't, I just feel like I want to wait until I lose some weight. There is a little part of me that feels I'm being silly and just wishing away about 6 months of my life, but unfortunately its how I feel. Thans for letting me "vent" ;-) Kelly — Kelly M. (posted on June 25, 2000)
June 25, 2000
I understand how you feel. Honey don't put your life on hold waiting to
lose weight enjoy life right now. It will help you to keep your mind off of
the surgery. Life is so short. Just think after surgery you can say I
enjoyed life before surgery and now I am going to really enjoy life after
surgery. You are lucky to have someone who except you as you are. Don't let
your weight stop you from doing things you want to do (like taking a trip
with your friends and Husband). ENJOY LIFE NOW!!!! I hope I wasn't too
strong!!!
— Sharon T.
June 25, 2000
I understand how you feel. Honey don't put your life on hold waiting to
lose weight enjoy life right now. It will help you to keep your mind off of
the surgery. Life is so short. Just think after surgery you can say I
enjoyed life before surgery and now I am going to really enjoy life after
surgery. You are lucky to have someone who except you as you are. Don't let
your weight stop you from doing things you want to do (like taking a trip
with your friends and Husband). ENJOY LIFE NOW!!!! I hope I wasn't too
strong!!!
— Sharon T.
June 25, 2000
Hi Kelly! No you are not being silly as I am having very similar feelings.
I am awaiting approval from my insurance company before I have my surgery
... I have seen the surgeon and clinically meet the criteria ... but don't
know if I meet my insurance company's criteria for coverage ... so I have
everything on hold until I hear ... Not only that but I am so stressed out
I am eating myself to oblivion!! Don't feel alone ... I haven't wanted to
put on a bathing suite ... I haven't wanted to go camping with my husband
and my kids and I haven't wanted to buy any cloths ... all the time
thinking that these things would be so much more enjoyable AFTER the
surgery ... Nope ... you're not silly ... I'm there too!!
— Donna H.
June 25, 2000
Hi. Ah, yes, I remember it well. That feeling of being in limbo waiting
for my actual surgery date to finally arrive. I don't know how
"normal" that feeling is because my life has been anything but
"normal", but I felt it too. You have to "keep on, keepin'
on" tho' and go on with your life as best you can in the meantime, so,
do what you can now to prepare yourself as much as possible and enjoy the
summer with your friends and family. We all have a tendency to look ahead
to a special event or happening in our lives before we feel like we're
"worthy" to enjoy the life we're living. How many times have we
said, "after I've lost some weight...or, after the kids get grown
up...or, as soon as the winter is over...etc, etc". You can look
forward to a better, more active life following wls, but life is for living
NOW too. How would you feel if something (God forbid) "bad"
happened to those friends that asked you to go away with them for the
weekend and you didn't go because you were waiting to lose the weight?
Your friends obviously love you and enjoy your company now, JUST THE WAY
YOU ARE! Accept their friendship and go ahead and enjoy the weekend. Make
a few memories now so that you'll always have them. And then, after your
wls...make more memories. Good luck and God bless. cj
— cj T.
June 25, 2000
Well, I have been pursing this surgery for three years and I would be a
liar if I said that my life within the last year of coming closer to
actually having it has not been "put on hold". Things have been
very difficult and the longer I wait the more unhealthy I become. Was put
on three additional medications Friday by my Doctor. Yet, my insurance is
saying that this surgery is not necessary. I am reaching the 450 pound
mark and find myself not being able to even do daily activities. So, I am
not sure what your BMI or weight is but if you are physically able to get
out and do stuff, Go for it! My only wish is that, I wish I was physically
able to. So take advantage of what you do have left.
— Cathie S.
June 25, 2000
Hi Kelly~ I think *ALL* of us at some point, in our quest for WLS, have
felt the exact same way that you feel right now. I know I did...waiting
for my surgery day to arrive was one of the most *anxious* times of my
life. I know I didn't want to do anything because I couldn't wait to do
those things when I was *skinny* or when I would not feel out of place
being so heavy. But the reality of it is, we cannot live our lives
*waiting* for things to happen, and I have only learned that since surgery.
Life is so full of many surprises we just need to cherish everyday as if
it were our last. I was fortunate, I only had to wait 3 weeks between
approval and my actual surgery date with many classes to attend prior to
surgery. Needless to say, my time was filled with WLS related activities
which helped take away that feeling of wanting to go to sleep until it was
all over. Hang in there, Kelly, things will start to look up. Just try to
keep busy to help make time go by a little faster...Good Luck...
— Marni
June 25, 2000
I know how you feel; I've HAD the surgery (in April) and I still find
myself in 'waiting' mode. I'm so torked up for the future, I sometimes
forget to have fun now. BUT, I force myself, even feeling fat, to go out
and have fun. It seems to me that if I buy into the old, "It'll be
better when I'm thinner" mentality, that's just like saying that I'm
no good now. That I never was any good, because I've ALWAYS been fat. But I
refuse to let that worm eat up my happiness. Also, every time I've wanted
to not do something, and forced myself to do it anyway, I found that I had
a great time, and was glad I went. You will be glad too. You will be proud
that you don't let ANYTHING stop you!
— Jennifer G.
June 25, 2000
I can relate also, my date is July 31st and I have been waiting since
March. I went thru periods of not wanting to do things. I did stop buying
clothes unless it was totally something that I HAD to do. I did not plan
any summer things like trips knowing that my date was during the summer and
I had ni idea how long It would take for me to recover, but I did do little
weekend things and fun things with my family and this is how I was able to
do it. I looked at everything I do to as an opportunity to take photos and
prepare for my before and after photo book I am going to put together. I
decided to find my sense of humor and enjoy myself. I ate, I played with my
2 year old I mean I could not very well make the people who I love the most
suffer because I was feeling impatient. I am by no means saying thats what
you are doing, but thats where I was going if I did not stop sitting and
WAITING. It was driving me nuts. You are going to be laid up for about 3-4
weeks after your surgery so go ahead and do some of these things. It will
give you some more memories and help the time go by faster. Oh and find
people in your area that are having surgery too. A group of us here have
found each other and its great to get together and talk. This site can help
you with that. Good luck...and have a GREAT
weekend.."Wink-wink"...Trina
— Courtrina Amur W.
June 25, 2000
I understand your feelings. They are very valid. But nonetheless I say to
you go out and enjoy your friends and family now. Yes, you will be
different after WLS, but not immediately. WLS is not a magic cure that
makes you wake up thin. If you're avoiding things now, where will it end?
Will you say, I'll go to the park after I've lost 50 pounds or I'll see my
family when I'm wearing a size 14? Look at it this way, the pictures you
take now will be a part of your before and after photo album! Enjoy your
friends and family now - don't put life on hold!
— Paula G.
June 26, 2000
Hi Kelly...I did it too - I put my life on hold. It was especially easy
because I am currently unemployed. I thought of all the excuses: I don't
have the money, gas is too expensive, I'd rather wait until I am thin.
Then it occurred to me that I was obsessed with getting this surgery date,
and I was becoming irritable waiting for it. I knew I had to have a
diversion from the waiting. I painted my front porch and an old garbage
picked couch and now I have a wonderful, peaceful place to recover
following the surgery. I have one month left (7/25/00) and I want to make
sure that my house is in order, that I've had a garage sale, spent time
with my visiting cousins, celebrate some birthdays, have some BBQs, have a
girls night out...some of these activities I won't be able to enjoy as much
after the surgery simply because they centered on food, others, I don't
think I'll have the energy for a while. Also, I'll be preparing to return
to work.
My suggestion to you is this: put together a list of goals and get out your
calendar. You only have so many days to accomplish them...the time will go
faster, you'll be less anxious, and it will get your mind off the 'what
ifs'. Also, now is the time to really work on your confidence and
self-esteem, and if anything will boost it, it is being able to look back
at a job well done. On the other hand, waiting and excluding yourself from
activities can lead to depression, but also could set you up for dramatic
expectations of this surgery that will take months to manifest. Good Luck
and get busy...you're almost there!
— Allie B.
February 4, 2003
I can really relate to that. I started this process in August; now it's
2/4 and I've finally finished all the testing and am waiting for an appt
with the surgeon. Every time I see my friends they as if I have my date
yet. No! Do you want to go to a party? Definitely not! I feel like I
just want to hibernate until I get my surgery date - then I can begin the
preparation, arrange for the time off etc. Until then I feel like I'm in
limbo. It's so discouraging. But like you, I'm hanging in, waiting for my
turn. Hang in there!
Patti
— Patti S.
February 4, 2003
hi there :) i agree the waiting can be the most difficult thing in the
world! my process went rather fast and i still felt id go crazy with
anticipation. i think tough, that you should make some good pre op memories
now, get out, enjoy life, get your mind off of it, that may help and i
agree with another poster, get alot of pre op pics of you so you can look
back and see the difference and have fun putting a scrap book together.
best of luck to you! :)
— carrie M.
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