Question:
What can be done about poor self imagine following weight loss?

Aside from the obvious health benefits that this surgery provided I was also hoping that I would gain better self esteem and confidence regarding my appearance. However, as I continue to lose weight Im not seeing myself as I had hoped. When I was heavy, I rarely looked in the mirror, shyed away from pictures and did little to approve my appearance. My feelings were "whats the use, Im too fat and ugly to be loved anyway". I had hoped that losing the weight would change my feelings about myself but instead Im finding other things to focus on. Im not even at my goal weight and already Im noticing that my calves and nose are too big. Has anyone else run into a problem like this? Im happy to be healthy but it seems my mental health needs improvement as well.    — [Anonymous] (posted on March 27, 2000)

March 27, 2000
A million years ago, when I was in college, I had a psychology professor who was really into behaviour modification therapy. One of the examples he always used for "self-fulfilling prophecy" was, "if you tell a child enough times that he is a fatty, he will walk like a fatty, he will talk like a fatty, he will act like a fatty, he will think like a fatty, he will be a fatty -- no matter what his actual body size is." Very wise words, I thought at the time. When we've spent our entire lives overweight, we internalize a lot of the anger and the resentment and the hurt that should be directed out at others for thoughtless remarks, and tend to look to others to define ourselves. If you love me, I am loveable, if you tell me I am beautiful, I am beautiful -- and vice versa. I also once heard this described as "looking in the mirror and seeing nothing." The two wonderful ladies who responded to this question before me are absolutely right. Keep a journal. Write letters to your fat self and burn them. Be aware of, but not consumed by, your feelings of inadequacy. Do for others, for it will come back to you tenfold. Get out of your own head and into your own heart. You are a good person -- and that has nothing to do with a dress size. You are a worthwhile person -- and that has nothing to do with whether or not people mistake you on the street for Christy Turlington. You can be, and are, loved and valued and treasured for yourself.
   — Cheryl Denomy