Question:
How to change my mother's attitudes against wls?
My mother says if I have wls I'm messing with God's work.She also says that it's like I'm telling God he made a mistake with my body.I've tried to explain to her God made this decision for me.That he wants me to live and be happy.Because he knows I'm not happy and I'm not living the way I should.I love my mother deeply and I want her to understand and support me.How do I do this?Please help if you can. — Amy B. (posted on December 27, 2003)
December 27, 2003
Perhaps you could relate it like this to your mother. If you had a heart
defect or an ailing kidney and needed a transplant, would she not want you
go receive it? If the answer is yes to that for religious reasons, then
there probably isn't much you can do to convince her; however, perhaps it
would help her to rationalize your decision a little differently. If not,
then know that God was with your when you made your decision to have
surgery and forgive your mother for her ignorance and do the best you can
to gain support from other sources. Best of luck to you and
congratulations on a choice to take control of your life.
— denisel
December 27, 2003
www.wlscenter.com Look for the link to "Letter to Significant
Others"
Barbara Thompson's Letter to Significant Others is a GREAT letter to share
with family and friends who just can't seem to grasp the importance of this
decision for us. I shared it with my reluctant husband very early in my
research and it completely changed his attitude. I even heard him quoting
the letter to coworkers weeks later. Give it a try! Congratulations on
your decision to have WLS!! Open RNY 1/3/03 330/182/175
— chelle3081
December 27, 2003
Ahh first introduce your mom to a post op who has lost over a 100 pounds.
Have them tell their story and show their pictures. My wife jen started out
anti surgery and changed her mind and endede up getting it herself. Now if
your mom is heavy enough to qualify for WLS HERSELF then what she is
telling you might be more about herself. I had someone say that god created
you this way. My response if somone has cancer should they just accept
death? As my grandm used to say goid helps those who helps themselves:)
— bob-haller
December 27, 2003
Hi Amy- I know where your coming from. My mother was the same way- Actually
my entire family was against me having surgery- but I guess I can
understand why they would be affraid- this is scary- I sat my mother down
and showed her before and after pictures, I drew her diagrams of what they
would do with my insides. I tried to educate myself as much as possible so
I could answer any questions she might have. It was not until I was post op
and had lost alot of weight was everyone happy I did this- Just try your
best to sooth her, and do what you must do :) best wishes Kim
— WABBIT F.
December 27, 2003
I really feel for you. I think the posted answer on relating it to some
other health element might hit home with her. Like if someone got cancer
and had chemotherapy....should they not have it because God meant for them
to die? My mom questioned me a little about this and my answer was that
God gave us the knowledge to invent such a procedure. My entire family was
also against me having the surgery....but now 17 months post op and down
from 269 lbs to 133 lbs, they can't say anything anymore!
— emilyfink
December 27, 2003
Amy,
You could send your mom to my web page - here's the URL:
http://www.duodenalswitch.com/Patients/Dina/dina.html
I can totally relate to her desire to please God - and to want for you to
do the same. It's really easy to say - "you're messing with
stuff!" But the reality of things is that we are living in a fallen
world, and God has given doctors some pretty amazing abilities to deal with
the "stuff" that needs fixing. If you were/are diabetic - would
she think twice about you being treated? If you had heart disease, would
she hesitate endorsing the medical response to that disease? Morbid
obesity is a disease.
The URL I gave you above is a letter that my husband (who is trained as a
minister) and I composed and sent to our family and friends to explain why
I was seeking WLS and how it all unfolded. It was a great tool to help
people understand what was going on, and why choosing a surgical response
was appropriate.
Please also feel free to have your Mom email me if she's got questions, I'm
happy to chat with her any time!
Blessings,
dina
— Dina McBride
December 27, 2003
God created a blind man, Jesus made him see......i don't think Jesus was
tring to tell God he made a mistake.
— franbvan
December 27, 2003
If it would ease your mother's mind, why don't you and her go and see your
priest (or pastor) and ask him or her what your paticular church thinks of
WLS? Before I even agreed to having the surgery done, I went to ask for my
priest's blessing. I too thought that somehow I was messing with what God
gave me. My priest stated that this surgery was not being done for
prideful purposes but to save my life. God has given us these wonderful
surgeons and has given them the knowledge to let us live and continue to
serve and worship God. Also, it seems to me that your mother is just
worried and scared for you. It is never easy to have a child die before
the parents. She is probably afraid of complications and your welfare.
Continue to show her the reasons why you need to do this for your health.
Be blunt- tell her that without the surgery, you stand a better chance of
death because of your obesity.
— Linda K.
December 27, 2003
Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you," declares
the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future."
I loved this passage from the bible. If you feel that weight loss will
improve your health, and your future... I think this is the answer to your
question. God Bless.. And Good Luck.
— Michelle J.
December 27, 2003
How about the verse if you eye offends you pluck it out? Since my stomach
offends me so I'm having it trimmed to a smaller size. :-)
— 100less
December 27, 2003
None of us understand God. We don't understand the plans which are ahead of
us. Tell Mom that the only part of God which mortals understand is love.
Good Lux
— Robert L.
December 28, 2003
I happen to believe that God gave each of us a brain to make the best
decisions that we can. He also gave man the brains to develop cures for
some of the most amazing things. The WLS is just part of the good use man
has put his brain to. I don't recall anywhere that God intended for us to
be blemish free and having to just live with our predicaments.
When I was trying to decide about surgery I did a lot of praying and
journaling. I was very frightened of the whole prospect and finally one
day said to God that he was going to have to whack me on the shoulder so
that I would know it was what he wanted me to do. The very next morning
there was tv and newspaper coverage about our congressman J.D. Hayworth
(whom I greatly respect) and the fact that he had the surgery about 3-4
weeks prior. Now that was a whack on the shoulder. From that day forward
I was very comfortable with the decision and went into surgery totally calm
and ready to do it. I wanted this surgery so that I could be in a position
to do more to help others and thereby glorify God in my life. My life as
it was progressing would never have allowed me to ever think about
volunteering anywhere. Now I am just waiting to get my energy level and
health back and then to see where it is God wants me to be. He has plans
for me of that I am sure.
The issue that you probably need to address is why you have to have your
mother's approval. I love my husband very much (31 years of marriage), but
my surgery was something he just couuld not understand. I knew he would
not abandon me and that he would help me, but I could not talk to him about
it. This is something you are doing for yourself so that you can actually
have a future. Try to take care of you first and not put others in the
middle of your plans. You do not have to explain to anyone if you are
comfortable with your decision. Good luck and I certainly wish you much
success.
Sandra
— Arizona_Sun
December 28, 2003
Hi, just wanted to say my parents were against me having my surgery.
Although they did not quote religious reasons, refused to even call or
visit me in the hospital. At thanksgiving I was told that I was too small
and didn't look good, although I am still considered overweight with a BMI
of 27. I think all this is about there insecurities. My Mother is
overweight, and I feel she doesn't want me to succeed. But guess what, I am
in control of my life. I have never regreted making the choice I made. I am
a healthier person for it, and feel I have a better quality of life now.
Everyone must choose the best choice for themselves. May God Bless you in
your decision. Janice
— betterfitness
December 28, 2003
I was torn between what I wanted and what God wanted for me. I said a pray
telling God that I was putting it into his hands, that I wasn't going to
"push" anything. By that meaning trying to fit the round peg
into a square whole. All of a sudden everything started falling into place.
I didn't even have my insurance reject it and from what I heard they are
not approving them next year. I thought they would stall. So maybe that
might be what you need to do, put it in his hands. My mom really did not
want me to have this surgery. She was even willing to walk with me, bless
her heart. She almost had me convienced (thats when I said my prayer to
God). Well I keep telling people in front of her, that I knew that she
loved me and didn't want me to have it, but I also knew that she would be
there for me whatever I did. That and my sister telling her I odds were
great that I would die if I didn't do something has helped her along. Good
luck, mom can tug at those heart strings for sure.
— DarcyM
December 28, 2003
I cannot believe someone's mom would try to brainwash them with such
negative words. Today humans live in a house, drive cars, watch TV, talk
on the telephone - but I suppose God did not want us to walk, get wet or
cold and sit in front of a TV and watch other humans. We humans have a
wonderful gift - called the brain and it has rescued us from ignorance!
— Anna M.
December 28, 2003
It's unfortunate (in my opinion) that so many people feel this way. I
wouldn't call surgical intervention "messing with God's work).
There's a reason God gave us all a brain with which to learn how to
survive. No one can convince me that God doesn't want all of us to do what
we need to do to survive. Remember that there are people who would refuse
blood transfusions even if there life hung in the balance...some people are
extreme. My advice to you...don't try to change your mother's mind. It's
never going to happen anyway. Make your plans for the surgery and get it
done. Afterward you can focus on your relationship with her...focus now on
you. You deserve it!
Kimberly (3 months post op Lap-Rny...minus 51 pounds)
— Kimberly S.
December 28, 2003
Can you invite her to a support group so she can see others who've been
through it or to ask questions? You might not be able to change your
mother's attitude about surgery. She might come around after she sees your
success in a few months, she might not, but this is your decision. I
vaguely remember the joke about a guy who refused a rescue boat and a
rescue airplane when he was stranded on an island saying 'No thanks, God
will save me'. Up in heaven, the guy asked God why he didn't save him. God
replied, 'I sent you a boat and an airplane - what more did you want?' I
feel that God provided us with this surgery to save our lives - what more
is your mother waiting for to save your life?
— Yolanda J.
December 28, 2003
Hi Amy,
I had to chuckle at your moms response. When I was growing up and wanted my
ears pierced my dad(not a religious man) told me "if God wanted me to
have holes in my ears He would have put them there" LOL I think your
mom's afraid and trying in her own way to have some control here. Even if
it's loving. I agree with another post who mentioned if it's for pride or
not. This surgery is NOT one for vanity. I believe that God gave man the
talent/knowledge/know how to help us with this. I agree that if God wants
you to have this done HE provides a way to open the doors. He certainly did
for me. My mother was not happy when hearing about this surgery. Of course
she knew someone who knew someone who died etc.... I remember telling her
that over the years there were things in her life she did that I didn't
necessarily agree with but I supported her and her decision 100% and I
expect the same from her. Well, she's been my biggest supporter. Best
wishes and keep your heart/mind focused on what God wants. He'll show you
the way if it's what He has planned for you.
— Linda M.
December 29, 2003
So with that logic, what does your mom think about the surgeons who perform
the WLS? The devils work??! I think your mom is just skeptical and
perhaps afraid for her baby. If you are over 18, however, the decision is
yours. Hug your mom, tell her you love her and do what you think is right.
— Cindy R.
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