Question:
I am about to go on a couple dates, 2 weeks pre-op...
Now what if one of the guys and I who I am about to go on a date with hit it off?? I mean, I don't want him to know I am having surgery, as I have only told immediate family and very close friends of mine. So what would you guys suggest? Everytime I post here I always have such positive comments, so anything you guys can suggest would be greatly appreciated, thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to answer, I honestly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! =o) — Houman F. (posted on December 2, 2003)
December 1, 2003
Well if you really like the guy and do not want him to know what kind of
surgery you are having yet you can always say 1. gallbladder or 2. some
femal surgery. Anything "female" makes them usually go "Ok
no more questions" Look at you dating pre-op way to go!
— Stephanie B.
December 1, 2003
If its more than a date or two you might as well tell them the truth. Look
no matter WHAT you tell them theres no hiding eating one egg as a very full
meal or loosing a 100 pounds fast. Say female surgery and have ths happen
and they will think your dying of cancer or something. Thats no way to
start a realtionship:( Likely scare them off:(:( If it looks like it might
go somewhere print some before and afters from here and tell them whats up.
Make it a positive, your begining a new life that will be healthier and are
looking forward to the future
— bob-haller
December 1, 2003
Besides you will be a cheap date:) Just a bite or two of food shared from
your boyfriends plate. Guys will LOVE saving money.
— bob-haller
December 2, 2003
i would do as the other poster said...say female or gallblader surgery. by
the time he even notices you are losing weight you should have a pretty
good idea of where you want things to go with this guy. if you think after
some time has passed it's going to go somewhere i would tell him. best of
luck to you
— franbvan
December 2, 2003
Be up front with them, because they will notice. I had fun with it. I
always tell them I'm a cheap date, I don't eat much, and I get drunk off of
one drink and they think I'm hilarious. Plus, if I get something good when
we go out, they get to finish what's on my plate :o)...If you think that
you're going to hit it off, be honest. It's not good to start a
relationship off by fibbing to them. The guy I've been seeing off and on
for over a year thinks the that me having the surgery was a very brave
thing and he tells me all the time how proud of me he is...if it scares
them off, they don't deserve you. Good luck! Denise 316/157
— lily1968
December 2, 2003
Go on the date and see how it goes, if you hit it off and expect to
contiune seeing the guy, it might be best to be up front with him and tell
him. Otherwise how are you going to explain not being able to see him for
a while while you're recovering? If he's asking you out in the next month
and you're not up to it being so freshly post-op he might just assume
you're not interested. Also, while I understand you want to maintain
some privacy about this, but if you go out with him and it goes well and
you plan to keep seeing him, a lie is a bad way to start a relationship.
And with how fast people who have WLS lose, it will be really hard to hide.
i don't know if I would do as the others suggested and say 'female'
surgery, they may think you're having a hysteroctomy (which if they are the
kind of person who wants kids down the road they may stop calling) If you
don't want to tell them what kind of surgery, just tell them you need to
have surgery, and when they ask "what for?" just say you would
rather not say.
<br><br>For a while I was one of those people who didn't tell
anyone about my planning to have WLS, so I understand that, but as my date
has gotten closer I have told most of my friends, for me it's not a big
secret anymore. I am not embarraseed about it, and have been pleased with
the support I get from people.
<br><br>WLS and your changing self can be hard on
relationships, I have read many stories about people having relationship or
marital troubles after wls. It's a major, life altering event in your
life. Personally, I have decided to put off dating until I am a few months
post op, just so I have some time to adjust to the new me.
— Patricia T.
December 2, 2003
***ORIGINAL POSTER HERE***
Thank you everyone for such wonderful answers and suggestions!! Everyone is
so helpful and great, you guys are truly angels!! That being said, I am
sure we can all use a nice chuckle... It is hard to tell gender by my name,
so as you would think... I am male, and yes I am gay! So if I were to tell
him I was having "female" surgery, boy oh boy what would he say!!
hehehehe... I am going to just take it step by step, and if things go great
and we agree to see each other, I will be honest... I have come to the
realization that if he can not accept the fact that I am doing this, then
he isn't for me. I have seen where a lot of people put off dating and what
not, but I honestly believe my life must go on, and if they cant accept me
for being big like i am, I dont need them to accept me once I am thin!!
Thanks again everyone, you guys really are the best!!
— Houman F.
December 2, 2003
ha ha, it's funny that most of us just assumed you were a woman. Sorry
about that! Best of luck to you, see ya' on the losing side!
— Patricia T.
December 2, 2003
I believe in being up front, because as you say if he or she has a problem
with it then they aren't the right person for us. I just went through this
6 weeks ago. I met a man (I'm female) through Yahoo Personals and we
decided to get together for lunch after e-mailing for a few days. However,
before I would agree to meet him I told him about my surgery and my life as
a SMO and gave him the link to my profile on here. I gave him the chance
to run like hell, and he didn't. Fast forward 6 weeks and we are doing
good and moving down the relationship path. My future is dependent on
leading a healthy life and I needed anyone who would be a part of that life
to realize that. Honesty certainly worked out well for me.
— zoedogcbr
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