Question:
Does anyone have a short fuse since WLS?

I'm 10 months post op. I have always been extremly patient and forgiving. I have always been one to bite my tongue and give everyone the benefit of maybe having a bad day when they have been rude.When my husband was rude or being an idiot( which did not happen often) I figured he had a bad day at work and ignored it.If someting my daughter had on was ugly and she asked me about it , I would tell her it was pretty. My point is I have been honest with people latley and have let people know when they have stepped on my toes and I don't turn the other check anymore. My husband, family and freinds say that I now have a short temper. Has anyone else changed as I have? I think I might need a councelor to help me get back to my old self.I have lost 80 pounds in 10 months and very happy with that.That is the only thing in my life that has changed. Thanks    — myra J. (posted on November 7, 2003)

November 7, 2003

   — MF

November 7, 2003
Are you being quick to snap at people? Or are you just now letting people know what you were honestly thinking all along? I am of the opinion that you should be honest with people, and not allow others to step on your toes too often. But if it is actually something you see as a negative or if you are just being short tempered, then I would address it. This site is real good about bashing anyone that may get in the way of the 'empowerment' that the WLS patient aquires after surgery. My suggestion is, think about what you are doing, does it feel wrong? Or does it feel like you have just 'taken' for so long and now you dont want to? Or are you just simply in a bitchy mood as of late. You will gain confidence as you lose weight, you will change, you will never be the exact person you were before. Just as you have to work for outer appearance, you have to work with the inner changes. That, I feel, is the biggest issue not addressed with the WLS patient. Use you own judgements here, we do not live you life day to day.
   — RebeccaP

November 7, 2003
DARLING...YOU'VE GOT A HIGH SELF WORTH THESE DAYS! Think about it...maybe when you were heavy you allowed people to get away with stuff because deep down...you felt less important than them...that your feelings didn't matter as much. NOW, You're feeling good and looking better than ever and its showing in your attitude! IT IS NOT WRONG TO BE HONEST! It is a gift! You don't have to take crap from anyone...just learn to be kind in voicing your opinion. You're family got used to walking all over you...now its time then learn to respect you!
   — Renee B.

November 7, 2003
DO you want to change back to your "old self" again because everybody wants you to or do you like who you are now and who you are becoming? I have never had a problem telling people how it is or letting someone know when I am unhappy with them. I do know that alot of people Pre-Op have low self esteam and that seems to make people afraid to tell it like it is. Like the other posts, it isn't a bad thing. You shouldn't let people walk on you but you shouldn't be mean either...it DOESN'T sound like your being the slightest bit mean or short fused. Best of luck to you!! Sabrina 10/29/03 -21#
   — Sabrina Plunkett

November 7, 2003
I am 8mos post op. I am much more honest with people, which does tick some people off. I don't feel like I need to be a doormat. Unless you rant, rave, scream, yell - how can an honest response be considered a short temper? I think that the people you know just don't know how to handle a person who has found her self confidence.
   — M B.

November 7, 2003
Sounds to me like your *old self* was full of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. If you ask me, those are the traits I look for in a woman...doesn't matter to me if they are big or small. If I pass by a pretty, thin woman and she has the attitude of *I am the only one that matters*, I'd rather let her live in her own little lonely world of *It's all about me*, rather than persue getting to know her. The hardest thing to find in this world is a good-looking, nice-bodied compassionate woman who thinks about others as much as she thinks about herself. You are going through an extreme period in your life where everything inside you is in turmoil and the world around you is beginning to look at you in a different light. Don't let those changes turn you into one of the people most WLS patients hate...the ones who say whatever they feel like, no matter whose feelings they hurt. You don't have to be walked on to remain compassionate. Just try and remember that while you had this surgery for you...you are not the only one it effects. Your family and friends are going through this with you to varying degrees. Your changes are happening at lightning speed. The way they see/know you has been molded over years. Give them time to get to know the new you. Don't expect them to be able to change as fast as you did...after all...there is no surgery that helps you get to know a new mother/wife/friend. Ask yourself this question (assuming you were not always MO) What was I like before I became MO...and did I like myself then? I see way too often on these boards a serious lack of concern for family and loved ones. It saddens me that so many are so easily willing to give up the important people in their lives at a whim. Maybe if those people were allowed more of a chance to relate to their loved ones who have gone through WLS, there wouldn't be so much love loss. I wish you the best of luck with the new you and hope that you find who you really are inside.
   — k P.

November 7, 2003
We're twins. When I finally returned to work, I got back expecting to find it easier to deal with all the stress and problem personalities. I discovered I had less ability to deal with them post-op! I think I just used food to sedate my stress and anxiety now I have to develop a new way to deal.
   — mrsmyranow

November 7, 2003
My DH had surgery 6 months ago. He was short tempered and no one could please him after he had surgery. Our 19 year son noticed this change more than anyone. He told his dad he was not the same since he had surgery. Finally, the light bulb came on, and I told my husband to talk to the doctor. Our PCP prescribed Wellbutrin (and antidepressant) for him and now he is much calmer more patient and more the sweet guy he used to be. Sometimes depression has different ways of manifesting itself. I would urge you to ask your doctor about this. (I also had surgery a year ago, and I was already on a very low dose of Celexa, which has worked wll for me.) Kind of amazing what the right medication can to do help.
   — koogy

November 7, 2003
Another possibility is a hormone imbalance. I found myself being short tempered and right down cranky a few months post op ... I even noticed it MYSELF ... like stuff would sound kinda bitchy even while I was saying it. In my case, I needed some HRT. Made a world of difference in my temperament. DH and kids always "remind" me to take that pill LOL!!! I think surgery sorted of "drop kicked" me into menopause ... but it might have had nothing to do with the surgery at all. All I know for sure is that life is more pleasant for all of us when I take my little yellow pills. Just another possibility for you to consider.
   — Lynn T.

November 7, 2003
Long ago, I did some therapy for compulsive overeating. I learned that what caused my overeating/binging was hiding my feelings and ALWAYS putting others first. I was a wife a mother and a nurse. I was always taking care of others' needs and putting my needs last. (Last? Heck they were NEVER considered!) Over time I had lost myself and I was using food for comfort and to hide my feelings. Well, can you say "assertive"? This is definitely what I have become. It is different than aggressive. I am finallly telling my husband what I feel and I let others know as well. I am not looking for a fight (aggressive) but when presented, I will definitely "fight back"! Part of this is maturity and comes with age. I no longer feel like a door mat, always being the yes man. I am able to tell people no when I am unable to help with a project, or whatever. It really is liberating. I feel the therapy I had combined with the surgery is what has caused this wonderful change! I no longer can turn to food, so in order to survive, I HAVE to assert myself. Good luck! Shelley
   — Shelley.

November 7, 2003
Yeah I do. One of these days I'll probally get knocked on my kester too. Wish I knew how to handle my emotions. I've been sh## on and turned the other cheek too long too that I just can't do it anymore.
   — Danmark

November 7, 2003
You do not need therapy to get back to your old self. You need therapy to adjust to your new self. You have a new attitude and a whole new body and you need to adjust to it. Plus I have always heard that since hormones are stored in fat cells they get released when we lose weight. You are doing great so put down the gun n get out and enjoy life :)
   — snicklefritz

November 7, 2003
Hi there, I am 11 months post op and have lost 143 lbs. I also noticed a bit more of a temper lately. I do think that it is because I have given up food as a coping tool. What I do now when I am extremely stressed is run. Even if I just run a 1/2 mile, I feel better. I also still fight very hard to bite my tongue. I don't think that it's just a matter of getting your feelings out - there's a nice way to do this. I guess the moral is - treat others as you want to be treated and I don't want my husband or children to talk to me with little respect, therefore, I try not to do it to them. I wish you luck.
   — kandi S.

November 7, 2003
I guess I don't see it as being one or the other - <br> 1. confident, assertive, honest and a b*tch, <br> or <br> 2. Quiet, senstive... and maybe a bit of a doormat sometimes. <br> <br> I think you can have a little bit of both. I know I was a doormat before I lost weight... a lifetime of trying to please EVERYONE but myself, never saying "no" when people wanted me, etc. No wonder I ate to comfort myself, because I was always angry with myself. <br> Then I was a psycho for a while- like a little girl Napoleon. ;) <br> Lately, I have been learning that I can be full of love and compassion AND be honest and assertive. Only I know when to keep my mouth shut. If someone wants me to be honest with them, but I know it will hurt too much, I keep silent. And if that bugs me, I go out an get some exercise to work those feelings out and feel better about it. Takes my mind off it a lot. <br> Without food as a coping mechanism anymore, MOVING works a lot better ;) <br> Just because we are smaller we don't have to act big to make up for our emotional protection now! <br> Have a beautiful day- shelli
   — kultgirl

November 7, 2003
Yes, I'm right there with you. I'm a little over 7 mos out and actually went to my dr this week with that being one of my symptoms. He agreed with one of the other posters. The surgery does affect your hormones and that could be part of it, but he also said he thought I might also need a little counseling to deal with my emotions right now. I'm on Wellbutrin and he said even that may need to be changed. I've never been a doormat as some of the other posters have said might be the problem. I grew up as the baby of the family with sisters who thought I was wonderful and I believed them. So I've always been secure with myself. So talk to your surgeon. Maybe you do need counselling. Good luck
   — lharbison

November 8, 2003
A bump up in my Celexa has gotten things back on track. I had noticed the last 2 months or so I was more irritable and sorter tempered. We are thinking that maybe I was not absorbing all of the Celexa as that dose maintained my depression very well for over 3 years prior to WLS. An extra 20mg and I feel like life is back where it belongs again.
   — zoedogcbr

November 9, 2003
I would disagree with you that losing 80 lbs is the only thing that has changed...like most "fat people", we have been taught that we are suppose to be happy ones, the peacemakers and we are the ones who are suppose to "back down" in an argument or in even in life. But since the surgery and since the weight lost, we have found that we can show our emotions, just like everyone else! We are human ... just like everyone else and it is ok to become angry or tell that person who hurt us that we are hurt. "The thin community", that we have not been able to join, does this all the time. Why do we feel bad about this or why does other family members point this out just because we are finally speaking our minds? Because they are not use to us expressing our true feelings! Enjoy life to the fullest! We finally have what we have been wanting for a long time (in some cases, all of our lives!)and the people around us need to understand that we also have ideas and thoughts of our own, and it just might not be what they want or want to hear...tell them to get over it - this is the new me and I am here to stay! Good Luck! Danette
   — Danette C.

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