Question:
WLS without a significant other
I just wanted to ask this to everyone who is or was single at the time of WLS and recovery. I posted it on the message board so forgive me if this is a double take. I am single and while I have the support of my family and friends I am without an significant other. I have heard others on here that have had the support of a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend to help them thru the recovery process and the post-op life. I was just wondering how it was for other single folks to deal with being alone. Not alone in a manner that you are without support but just without a significant other. How did you get thru it and how do you think it has affected your journey if at all. I'm 31, divorced mother of a 12 y/o son. Thanks everyone and God Bless. :) — Alisia P. (posted on May 8, 2003)
May 8, 2003
Hi! I have the most wonderful support system through my family. I too am a
single mother and I have 2 children. Don't worry about the lack of a
relationship, trust in the support your family and friends give you. I look
forward to my monthly support group too. My sister that lives near me has
been such a support to me. On my 1 year anniversary I bought her a nice
gift to thank her. I get lonely at times, but we all do whether we have a
significant other or not...good luck...
— candymom64
May 8, 2003
I was a 55 year old divorced mother when I had my open RNY. I spent the
week after leaving the hospital with a friend and her husband (I had my
surgery 3 hours from my home and my surgeon wanted me to stay nearby for a
few days). After that I came home, went back to work and never looked
back. My teenage son was here to carry heavy things for me but as far as
emotional support is concerned, I didn't need it. I was and still am on an
emotional high from the weight loss. That was 17 months and 181 pounds ago
and life is grand.
— Patty_Butler
May 8, 2003
I too do not have a significan other, just an estranged husband. lol but my
family is behind me and I am going thru this with 2 of my cousins. we are
all getting the surgery together.
— Beverly S.
May 8, 2003
I'm 7.5 weeks post op and single. No problems whatsoever. Came home in 2
days and needed no one, not even the first night home. But, I'm VERY self
reliant and independent. That doesn't mean I didn't have visitors every
day, but I did everything myself. You'll be fine!! Lots of best wishes to
you.
— msmaryk
May 8, 2003
I'm 8 weeks post-op. I also am single. But did have a 15 year old who did
alot for me. Also took long walks with me. I did all my food shopping
before surgery and when came home ask family for help when I needed. You
will be find. Just have all your liquids ready for when you come home and
have your son help out.
— Kathleen K.
May 8, 2003
I went thru sugery without a significant other - physically. My late
husband and I were planning surgery together; he died waiting for insurance
approval; and I went on to have the surgery alone. He wasnt there
physically but mental he was. This surgery is about YOU. You dont need a
signicant other to get thru any of it. Actually it might be easier.. cause
with all the physical and emotional changes; you dont have to worry about
the other person, their feelings etc. Now as far as 'afterwards' you will
have to deal with excess skin maybe and a new other. I found that some men
didnt want to deal with that; but was VERY LUCKY to find my new husband who
didnt care if there was wrinkles or 'battle scars'...
he loves me for me! You will need someone (mother, etc) maybe to help out
physically but the rest you'll be ok on your own... its your journey!
— star .
May 8, 2003
ahh, alone, me too i am 6 weeks post op tomorrow and i did fine alone, my
daughter brought me home from the hospital, but she had to go back to her
own family out of state. i managed fine, i had pleanty of things in before
hand so i would not have to go out and i had no problems,! all the best to
you and after what i hear about some peoples 'significant others"
maybe being alone is not so bad?? ;o)
— janetc00
May 8, 2003
I. too, have family support, but no significant other. I went home by
myself after being discharged and have cared for my 2 year old with minimal
help (I have sent her to daycare while I've been off of work, though). I
think as long as you have some form of support, you'll be fine!
— [Deactivated Member]
May 8, 2003
I do have a husband and at 4 months out I am ready to smother him in his
sleep with his beloved bag of Doritos!!!
Don't get me wrong he is very supportive but if I were not having to share
pantry space I would not have this garbage in my house. It is funny because
I really don't like Doritos but just seeing him sit in front of the boob
tube with a bag of anything edible at this point is making me batty. I'm
not bitter! LOL!!!!! I think that support is support and as long as you
have plenty of it you will do great. Having to take the focus off of myself
for hubby and kids was not easy early on because I needed to focus
completely on my new lifestyle changes and I am sure I was rather selfish
for a couple of months. A significant other post op can come with its own
set of difficulties! You are lucky to have a supportive network of family
and friends around you! Good Luck!!!!! :)
— Carol S.
May 8, 2003
3wks,2days postop here... You don't need anyone to be there unless you have
some unforeseen complications that would require anyone in the same
situation to have someone else there. My family was glad I was doing
something, but support??? I'd hardly call it that. They never went to an
appointment or meeting with me. They call when they get around to it. I'm
not complaining, I'm just VERY independent.
At this stage of the game, I'm tired of people constantly asking me about
it. This morning I actually felt normal for a split second. I've felt
great since the surgery but something clicked this morning that perhaps the
newness is wearing off of everyone else and they'll leave me alone with
asking...what do you eat, does it hurt, how much have you lost....arghhhh
— Diane S.
May 9, 2003
I am extremely fortunate in that my husband has been my number one
supporter since Day One and continues to be very proud of me. With that
said though, he is a bit of a stinker in many ways, with a wicked sense of
humor. Like when I lament not being able to have something that looks yummy
he sometimes says "ooh, but I can." Gives me his little smartaxx
smirk. He has learned not to do this during PMS week though! LOL You have
to make the decision to have this surgery for YOU. You also have to make
the decisions, each and every one and each and every day for the rest of
your life, that this is going to work. Some days will be great days, others
not so great. You're human. The support close to home does help, I won't
deny that. But being single doesn't mean you have to be completely alone in
your journey. Go to support group meetings. Join several online support
groups and chats. You may spend more time on the computer but you'll spend
it doing something positive for yourself. I know it can't be easy to do it
without a partner in your life. And I DO know how lucky I am to have my
ornery man around. Best wishes to you - Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02
— Anna L.
May 9, 2003
I am glad you asked this question. Prior to my surgery, a very well
meaning friend cautioned me that because I am "on my own" I would
have a harder time. He thought it would be better for those having more
emotional support. I am a divorced mother of 4 teenagers and post-op three
months. Physically, the support of family and friends has been enough to
handle lifting, the initial driving, and first trip to the grocery store as
my starter supplies ran out. Mentally, I manage through prayer. While
having a husband might offer comfort for many, I have found that I can gain
the comfort I need by staying focused on changing my habits, enjoying
friends and family and developing my faith through prayer and Bible study.
If I had a husband, he couldn't change my habits anyway - that is my work
to do! Best wishes.
— Kim A.
May 9, 2003
ORIGINAL POSTER HERE...I just wanted to say THANK YOU ALL for the great
responses. I appreciate all your support..its a tremendous help.. God
Bless :)
— Alisia P.
May 9, 2003
— rebalspirit
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