Question:
After your surgery, and you are asked to eat out with others, what do you do?

Being church leaders, we are asked constantly to go to dinner or to come over for dinner by people in our church. Has anyone else faced this? What did you do? say? eat?    — M. Harrison (posted on March 30, 2003)

March 29, 2003
Go enjoy yourself. Early on its tough, since a egg sized portion is a full meaL. BUT BY 6 MONTHS ENJOY. Eat slow, while others polish off hugh portions you can finish your small healthy one. A relaxed atmosphere helps a lot.
   — bob-haller

March 29, 2003
Oh I forot the most important part! Eating out with friends is uch more than consuming food. Its socializing. Now and then I eat at buffet places with friends for this reason. They give me the senior price:) So do enjoy the comopany of your friends. WLS isnt a sentenance to be endured, its a wonderful opportunity!
   — bob-haller

March 29, 2003
Go out with them and have a blast! One of the things that I do is think of the foods I have tried at home and how well I have done with them. That way whether it's a buffet style setting or not you have choices.
   — Kitty Kat

March 29, 2003
OH, GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!! Going out to dinner now is much more enjoyable than before....less worry about if the seat will fit, or if you'll be crunched in a booth sqeezing your friends to death...no making sure you are first to the table so you can make sure people don't stick you in the back. Yes, go out, enjoy, and tell us about it on the message board!
   — thekatinthehat

March 29, 2003
I agree with the others. Early on it is a little rough but I'm almost 11 months post-op and went out friends and family last night, had my small amount, visited, laughed and had a great time all while they ate their entree and dessert. The company and laughter was so enjoyable and I love the coffee after I've waited about 30 minutes and you will enjoy going out also. This surgery is one great tool. Take care.
   — kysunshine

March 29, 2003
Being invited to someone's home for a meal is a different deal, especially if you don't want everyone to know about your surgery. I suppose you could tell your hostess ahead of tme that you are on a diet and not to be offended if you take very small portions. You could say that you recently had a prodedure done on your stomach and you really have to watch what you eat, and emphasize that you would really enjoy their company . Depending on how far post op you are, you may be able to eat a small amount of just about anything. Chicken and cooked vegetables would probably be relatively easy to get down. If you are a recent post op, advise your hostess ahead of time of the types of things you can eat - mashed potatoes, soup, etc. Any reasonable hostess would appreciate the heads up before they prepare a lot of foods you couldn't eat . Or, you could decline the invitation for the time being.
   — koogy

March 29, 2003
It depends on your comfort level. I declined invitations until I was a month post-op (when I was allowed to start solid foods). I also took 3 weeks off work for the surgery and during that time, I was recovering, so there weren't many invitations to eat out or go to someone's house for dinner. Since then, I have gone out to dinner with friends and family. Last night, I cooked dinner for my dad and stepmom at their house. Everyone I know knows that I have had this surgery and they always ask me, "Can you eat this?" or "What can you eat?" or "Is chicken breast OK?" when they ask me over for or to go out to dinner. I guess if you haven't told anyone in your church or social setting, it could be awkward. Your eating of tiny portions and only of certain foods could provoke questions and concern for your health. But if everyone knows, just make wise food choices the way you would if you were eating at home. It's probably best not to experiment with new food at someone else's home or at a restaurant. Order what you know will go down smoothly and stay down. As a last resort, bring your own food. Bob is right--getting together with people over a meal is more than eating. Enjoy the company of your friends.
   — lizinPA

March 29, 2003
Early on (three months and earlier) can be a problem, but it is almost always manageable. Soups are a good choice early when you are ordering, but in reality, even after 4 weeks I could find something good at almost any well planned meal. The thought of pureed foods really gagged me, so I just chewed and chewed whatever I ate. It quickly became second habit and I still do it faithfully at 17 months out. Also, I think it is more acceptable if going somewhere to ask about the food choices, even if you are not sharing everything about your surgery, you are probably going to be sharing about your new "diet." I mean, I seem to be surrounded by "points counting weight watcher freaks" LOL, I would thing any considerate hostess would share the planned menu with you. Really, it is all going to be much easier than you think if you are flexible. I just tried to focus on protein in the losing phase and now I just eat a simple balanced diet (with very limited starches). I love to cook at home, go out to eat, and go to friends to eat, that has not changed.
   — cindy Q.

March 30, 2003
I agree with the others - go out and eat and have fun! No one pays that much attention to what you eat as you do! So order something small, eat some of it, push it around on your plate. Don't make a big deal out of it and probably no one else will either!
   — Angie M.

March 30, 2003
Hello there, I'm a little over 4 months out, down 85 pounds so far. We eat out a lot for the simple fact is, that if I spend a long time cooking and then only can eat a small amount I get aggrivated. So when we're out, I can fix the babies plates, set them up, get mine together, which I go for meats first, steak(1/2 ounce grilled), grilled chicken, pot roast, whatever I like, favorite is rotissourie chicken yummy!! I'll get a very small serving of veggies like cauliflour, which I hated prior to surgery but can't get enough now. Go figure. I'll get some salad stuff, strawberrys, peaches, melon, and/or cottage cheese. I'll take me a little bite here and there, while chewing, focus my attention on the kids, then get another bite. It was really hard at first. Old chewing habits!!! OMG Chewed twice, got hung up, puked, better, lesson learned. Kinda to the point, but reality is the truth. You'll do just fine.
   — Leigh G.

March 30, 2003
Early postop I would usually order soup if I had a taste for something else I'd go ahead and order it and plan to take the rest home. My husband is good at eating leftovers. Many times I would just order an appetizer. In the beginning I had some waitresses ask me if something was wrong with the meal and I's just say "No, I guess I wasn't that hungry". I remember thinking a couple of times that some people may be thinking "Who's that girl think she's fooling she's probably eating it as soon as gets home." LOL.
   — Candace F.

March 30, 2003
I noticed in your profile that you say that you will tell the church members after you have the surgery. If they know you have had the surgery, then it should be easy for you when they invite you over to ask them what is on the menu and if anything does not agree with you, you can ask for adjustments. It will also help you if they know so that they don't feel offended by your eating small portions of their home cooked meals. Early on, however, I would decline invitations for the first 6 weeks or so until you are safely on solid foods.
   — Cindy R.

March 30, 2003
I guess if the focus is an eating contest, you should decline all invitations. If however, the point of the gathering is to fellowship with other human beings, go, eat what you can, stop when you need to and be reassuring to gracious hostesses who want to accomodate you.
   — merri B.

March 30, 2003
It sounds like you haven't told them about your surgery, which is fine. If you are early post-op and still on liquids or pureed foods and you DON'T want to tell them, you should probably decline the invitation. If they know, then by all means go and have a great time! If you are on regular foods, do what I do......find out what's on the menu and supplement it with a dish to pass if they are having stuff you don't like or don't tolerate. I ALWAYS volunteer the dessert and take one out of my Desserts...and More!recipe book that everyone loves! You can visit my profile page or website at: www.freewebs.com/recipes-after-rny for sample recipes, photos and ordering information. Good luck to you!
   — Lynette B.

March 30, 2003
I liked your answer Merri about the eating contest! LOL But everyone is right, Mike, usually there to socialize and half the time people won't even realize what you're eating or how much (esp. if you don't want them to know) I am pretty honest with everyone about my surgery- so that makes it easier for me personally, b/c even at 10 months out- I eat about 1/4 of what everyone else does. I probably go out to eat once, evne twice a week with friends or family. It's more than I'd like to eat out- but everyone always seems to want to eat out! I do make healthy choices though, I will get a salad with LF dressing and grilled chicken ( I pass on the fried chicken) or get fish, beef or chicken and eat a few bites of the potato sitting there. A funny thing I notice when I'm eating out- how many people totally clear their plates of all the food! Do not worry about it- you will do fine eating out! Goodluck to you :)
   — Lezlie Y.

March 31, 2003
The director of our WLS center printed on the back of her business cards something to this effect. " The holder of this card has had gastric bypass or lap band surger. They cannot physically eat as much as an adult. Infact their portions are similar to a child's portion. As such it would be appreciated if you charge them a reduced amount (such as a child's plate). If you have questions please call me at the number on the other side of this card. Thank you very much." I don't have the card with me right now but you get the drift. It works! Good luck!
   — Melanie H.

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