Question:
How Do I Handle This?

Man, I don't even know which catagory this question fits in. I think my husband is jealous because I just passed him up in weight. I am 5'5" and just reached 183 lbs which is still considerably high, although it is great that I am down 84 lbs! He is 6'1" and weighs 185 (and looks fine as far as I am concerned). I guess he could loose a pound or 2 but I have never considered him fat. He told our adult daughter he feels like he is loosing power over me cause I weigh less than he does... Is this crazy??? Has anyone else had this kind of problem with their family??? What did you do??? I am totally stumped!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am so excited to be loosing. I can't imagine why he isn't. In fact I thought he was... Thanks, Cindy    — Cindy G. (posted on February 2, 2003)

February 2, 2003
Just keep telling him how much you love him (and I'm assuming you do!) He may not be getting jealous of you, he is probably starting to feel insecure about what your now capable of, in terms of attracting men's attention stares etc. TLC is the answer, just keep in mind the high divorce rate after this surgery, he may be nervous.
   — JutziGirl

February 2, 2003
Hi Cindy, I agree with the other poster. It sounds like he is a little insecure and needs lots of reassuring that you love him. On the other side, why does he have "power" over you in the first place. That phrase in your post bothers me that a man would think he has all the "power' over his wife. just my 2cents
   — Delores S.

February 2, 2003
I agree with the previous poster. The "power" thing causes me concern, also. I don't have any answers, I'd just advise you to think about that.
   — Angie M.

February 2, 2003
I think it is time to have a serious talk with him and how HE is going to handle your weight loss. Did he marry you when you were heavy? Some men prefer their women heavy and are threatened when they lose weight. Other men prefer their women heavy so that no other man will look their woman's way. Therefore, when you start losing and looking good, they are threatened and insecure that you may look back and even leave them. Perhaps he just needs reassurance that you are there for him, no matter what size you are.
   — Cindy R.

February 2, 2003
Hi Cindy, You husband is beginning to feel insecure about your relationship. Apparently, he is seeing things that you are oblivious to, as I was myself. My husband is not the jealous type but he would tell me that this gut was "checking me out" and I would totally be oblivious to it. You need to sit down and have a one on one, love chat with your hubby and let him know that no matter how much weight you lose, he will never lose YOU! ALL OF YOU! You are with him forever! I agree with all the other ppl that have posted, the divorce rates are high after WLS. There is a lot of change that goes on in families of a WLS patient. I wish you all the best...Give him all your love and assurance that he is THE ONE! Hugs...<3
   — Marni

February 2, 2003
Hi, this is Cindy again, just a little more explaination... I was thin when I married my husband and that was very important to him. He has always wanted me thin and hated me fat. I am very concerned about these stastics of high divorce rates amoung WLS patients. I have never heard that before. Why would that happen? Why wouldn't the surgery make things better instead of worse? Man, now I am really confused. I will have a long chat with him however which WILL include the "power" issue... Thanks again, Cindy
   — Cindy G.

February 2, 2003
The divorce rate probably isn't any higher for people who are post-WLS than it is for the general population. However, something that I believe happens quite a bit is this. Someone gains significant weight during their marriage. The marriage may not be all that great, but they are afraid they will never be able to find anyone else, so they stay in a bad marriage. However, once they start to lose, they may realize that they have been putting up with a marraige that is no longer good and they now have the self confidence to leave. Some don't believe they deserve to have anything better because of their weight. I hope this makes sense. I know that I always blamed the problems in my marriage on my weight, but I lost a lot of weight and it didn't help at all. I gained it back and then decided that I didn't have the relationship I wanted with my husband and decided that divorce was the answer for me. He's a great guy and I do love him, but I was never in love with him. We are still friends, but a marriage was not what we had.
   — garw