Question:
Has anyone else had fear of being

After losing this much weight has anyone been afraid to lose the excess weight? (Fat protection?) What have you done to overcome this? I have lost thousands of pounds, only to regain them, & retreat to my house in isolation fat or thin! I know this is crazy, but I vizualize myself walking outside the house "naked," without my excess weight(safety), afraid to let anyone get close to, or let them love me. I need to overcome this...my surgery is 01/06/03.    — Karen J. (posted on December 25, 2002)

December 25, 2002
Please consider seeing a therapist to work on this issue. It's very common, especially for women, to gain weight to feel protected, for lots of reasons. You may want to start working on that NOW so you don't sabotage your weight loss after surgery. Good luck!
   — [Deactivated Member]

December 25, 2002
I had to respond to this email. As I was losing the weight, after about 90 lbs, I realized that I was embarrassed whenever anyone looked at me, ,as though I were walking around naked. I then realized my weight had been used as a kind of shield against other's, keeping them away, keeping me safe from them. As the weight continued to come off and I worked through this, I began to feel comfortable. I wanted and needed to reach out to other's to talk to them, ask them questions, etc. I needed to have contact with other people, which was strange to me. Now, after having lost around 130-140 pounds, I seem to have developed a sever case of social phobia. Whenever I am in front of people I become afraid, and feel like I am being judged. this must be what I have been hiding from with the weight, the feeling of being judged. You may just need to work through this realization you have had. You have realized this, now you need to find a way to deal with this feeling without turning to food. It may be something you will want to talk with someone about, to help you work through the feelings and fears.
   — twenc

December 25, 2002
Once you start losing the weight, people start noticing you and the compliments of how good you look begin. Your self confidence soars and there's nothing you can't do. My big push of confidence is when I went into a regular store and was able to fit into a size 18! Your attitude does change and so does your outlook on life after you start losing weight. I look at heavy people and I want to tell them that there's something they can do to lose the weight.
   — dolphins94

December 25, 2002
This is a great topic for discussion at your support group meetings. Know that you are not alone and lots of others have used their fat to "hide" from life. I would also advise seeing a therapist as soon as possible because after your surgery, the weight will come off quickly, and you may not be prepared psychologically to deal with it.
   — Cindy R.

December 26, 2002
i have a simlar concern. mine may be more resentment than fear. i resent the fact that people, men particularly, may be more attracted to me thin than they are right now (pre-op). i wish the world were different. it would be nice if we could see and love people for who they are regardless of what they look like on the surface. it makes me angry. i'm sure i'll need some counseling in this area. your question is a gentle reminder that i should make arrangements to work on this area right now.
   — Felecia C.

December 26, 2002
It's great you are asking this question now. It's so important that you realize you have these concerns. My recommendation is to get into counseling to start working on the issues, rather than wait till after surgery. After surgery there are many things to deal with - pain etc. that you don't want this added stress.<p>I have first hand experience and know how these weight related isues can sabatoge weight loss. I lost approx. 200 lbs 7 years ago. I started for all the right reasons - I wanted to get healthier as I thought I would never live past 40 otherwise. Somewhere along the way that all changed. I started to assume a relationship and ultimately marriage would be the result and when it didn't I struggled. I had underlying depression that had not previously surfaced until about 140 lbs down. I assumed no one would want me fat yet the reality is that many severely overweight people are indeed married. The problem was that I had used the weight to protect me for so long I did not know how to relate to men on a personal level. Professionally I did great as I work in a male dominant career. Even though I did not have the weight and looked great I still exuded an aura of stay away. I've always been very independent and can take care of myself and thought I didn't need a relationship to be whole. Yet when the weight disappeared I found that underneath I did want this. It's taken a lot of time and therapy to work through the issues. I am hopeful as I approach my surgery that I am better prepared to address the emotional issues that will come my way. Some will be easier than others but I have a great medical support network in my counselor and doctors to help me through it.<p>Like someone else said, losing weight will give you a new confidence but if you have too many expectations tied to the weight loss it can be a mess. Also don't be surprised if you get to the point of hating it when people tell you how great you look. I just wanted to scream "I'M THE SAME PERSON I ALWAYS WAS!" It shocked me to feel that way, but in reality you are still the same person inside, with or without the fat. Please seek some counseling, you will feel so much better having that support to help you through this wonderful yet traumatic time of your life. Good Luck!
   — zoedogcbr