Question:
Is dating for single post ops harder now than it was before surgery?

For me, now that I am near my goal, it's hard to tell the difference between casual conversation and someone showing interest in me. Everyone treats me differently. I'm also thinking that the women that now DO give me the time of day must be shallow, because they didn't before. Does anyone else deal with this, or is it just me?    — M H. (posted on July 1, 2002)

July 1, 2002
I've wondered about that too. Lately though, I'm starting to think that a lot of it is my confidence. Not only do I look people in the eye more when they walk by, I also say hi. I think I've even flirted a time or two now <gasp>. 65 pounds ago, I'd look at people until they were about 20 feet away, then I'd cast my eyes downward as they walk by. That certainly doesn't invite conversation! Anyway, I'm not going to try to say that people aren't shallow, but realize that it's likely you project as a friendlier more open person. More comfortable in your body perhaps? At least in my case that is true. Congratulations on being close to goal and good luck.
   — Meredith P.

July 1, 2002
All I can tell you is that when I lost 80 pounds a few years ago on Phen-fen - I felt more desireable and I KNOW I projected that confidence when I was in public. I can definitely tell a difference now that the weight is back - If anyone were to try and flirt with me now I'd think they were desperate or crazy - pretty sad but that's what your mind does to you when your self-esteem isn't what it should be. You are a different person altogether now - both inside and out - and therefore you need to start from scratch when it comes to getting reactions from people - give someone a chance to prove whether they are truly shallow or superficial before writing them off - if they are one of "those" people - it will become apparent in other ways quite quickly. Good Luck and Congrats!!
   — Kim A.

July 1, 2002
It's VERY different. I think when I was overweight I would tray VERY hard to make the guy like me or to please him. I figured I had to because I was so fat. Now, I'm thinner and I don't feel like I have to try like that. I feel like I'm more myself. If they don't like me, I could care less. There's another one just around the corner!! If they do like me, there actually seeing the "real" me so they must like the "real" me more. As far as being upset because people are paying attention to you now as to when you were fat, ask yourself the question, "what do you find PHYSICALLY attractive in a person?". Everyone's answer will be different. Some people will not find skinny people attractive, just like some won't find fat people attractive. Some don't like redheads and some don't like blondes. Everyone's taste is different.
   — Patty H.

July 2, 2002
I don't know about dating.. I'm 44 and never did date so I can't say. But now that I'm lighter I don't take all the crap from people that I would tolerate before. This one guy has crapped on me since 1983... I finally gave it back. Not really mean, but I let him know. You know what? I got a dollar an hour raise! Go figure! (Still scratching my head on this one).
   — Danmark